Friday – Personal Jesus!

Friday again … whoop whoo!!

I have just put together a few chapters and a bit of background and an progress update to my “For Lovers?” story at the following link.

Let me know what you think and apologies for the formatting .. its crap on those pages rather than posts.

What a fantastic night it was at Rodger Hodgson of Supertramp fame last night, the man can write a fine tune although I have to confess to loving his older work and couldn’t really give a toss about his newer stuff as I have no relationship with it.

Tonight, curry abandoned for dietary reasons .. i.e. I had one last night!

Tonight its a Johnny Cash tribute at The Ferry, my dad was a huge fan and I wish I could take him.

Please please please let them play his version of Depeche Modes Personal Jesus.

“Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares?”

I still prefer the original tho!

Tomorrow .. babysitting .. bloody hell .. again .. I need to get a life!! 🙂

Taking the boys to see the new Star Trek movie at least that should killl a few hours.

Logical, Cynical, Presentable, A Vegetable?

I don’t know if you have read this previously but I started a diet a few weeks ago.

In under 8 weeks, I’m taking my 3 kids on a cruise from Rome to Sicily, Athens, Crete, Turkey and a few other places and want to be tanned and toned .. before I go!

I bought a beautiful new shirt from Pink last week, a medium just that bit too small for me, but my target is to fit that before I go.

So, I’ve stepped up the exercise and been watching what I eat .. most of the time .. certainly during the week.

Today, I had my lentil soup, no bread or roll with it, I’m cutting down on the carbs .. or so I thought.

I’ve still not had any tea today and no sugar. I even avoided the doughnuts that someone brought in for my team.

Good stuff, keep focussed, we will get there, slowly but surely .. I thought.

But with no carbs at lunch, how come I was going into a really heavy carb coma?

If I had’nt just eaten I would have thought it was energy dropping due to lack of food.

However, check the link below …Lentil soup is 22% fat and 56%carbs .. whit!!

Thats me on the salad at lunch the rest of the week.


PS – I’m looking forward to seeing Roger Hodgson of Supertramp fame at the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall on Thursday.

His last solo gig at the Paviliion was jam-packed and fantastic, a truly great songwriter of thoughtful lyrics and stunning melodies.

For Lovers? – 20 – Boys Don’t Cry!

I would say I’m sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I’ve said too much
Been too unkind

The Cure – Boys Don’t Cry!

So that was that.

A few calls after suggesting it, things seemed to take on a will of their own and it was all arranged. He would come over for dinner at mines on Sunday afternoon.

We’d checked the dates in our diaries, discussed the best options so that he was over for a few hours, met the boys but wasn’t there long enough for either side to feel uncomfortable.

We had considered going somewhere neutral. There is a good Chinese buffet restaurant not far from me and that would be great on other occasions. But not for a first meeting, I wanted the boys to feel at ease and give them the possibility to disappear off to their rooms if they weren’t happy.

Sunday afternoon, just four days away, but it should give me enough time to sit the boys down and tell them that I’ve met someone else, Someone that I like and whose company I enjoy. To let them know that I want our relationship to develop and become more than just dating.

Four days and the clock is ticking.

I feel both scared and enthused by this decision. I just hope that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t think that I’m jumping in too soon, but how do you know when the time is right? I’ve lay awake thinking about this and came to the conclusion that I just have to trust my instincts.

What is bothering me at the moment is trying to pre-empt what the boys will say? I’m also concerned about how I will break this news to them?

Most importantly I need to reassure them that I am still their mum. That no matter what happens I’ll always be there for them. That’s so important to me. I need them to trust me that I’m doing the right thing.

I need them to know that no-one will ever take the place of their dad, their dad is their dad and always will be.

I need them to know that although I’m their mum and that I have grieved for their dad, it’s time for me to move on and have a new life for myself. Even their dad wanted me to carry on with life and not to waste it sitting in the house.

I’ve been doing that over the past year, going out with friends, going to Glasgow and Edinburgh and enjoying being single. I’ve met a couple of people with different levels of success or lack of it.

If I’m absolutely honest, I only joined the online dating site on a whim, One night after Christmas when I’d been to a friends party and everyone else was there as part of a couple and I was on my own.

I didn’t actually expect to meet anyone, never mind someone that I liked enough that I wanted them to be in my life and meet my sons. It’s took me a lot of soul searching to get to this stage, but I’d rather be with someone I really like than a whole list of guys that I’m not really interested in.

I’ve been dreading telling the boys that I have a new man in my life particularly David as he is the eldest and most dominant and can be quite controlling at times.

I know that telling them will be difficult and there will be tears and anger. Then fear of meeting on the day, but I’ll reassure them that nothing has changed and that they should be happy for me. I’m sure they can tell that I’ve been happier recently. I’ve been back to my old self and had a smile on my face.

Each of my three sons has their own personalities but David really is the most obstructive and will often throw a sulk if he doesn’t get his own way. He doesn’t like the fact that over the past year I have started going out more often with my friends.

We’ve had words about it, quiet conversations were I’ve tried to treat him like an adult and allay his fears but despite my mollycoddling and pandering to him but he still acts like a child. He seems to think that I should be at home all the time wallowing in grief for his dad and paying constant attention to his demands.

In some ways he is very like Andy. He would wait until I had a night out arranged with the girls and then just as I was getting ready. He would take the huff or start a fight, usually for some petty reason. Any petty reason to make sure that I was upset and not going out in a good mood to enjoy myself.

The first hour with my friends would often be spent talking about whatever issue he had created to upset me. I didn’t really notice it at the time; it was only when Lynn pointed out how often this occurred before I noticed the pattern.

Of course it’s one thing experiencing that possessive behaviour in a relationship. With hindsight it wasn’t acceptable then and it sure as fate isn’t acceptable now and certainly not from a child.

( Thought – the phrase above “Sure as fate” .. Do you believe in fate? Would fate mean that their relationship was pre-destined? And by implication the earlier parts of their lives, their children’s births and her husband’s death pre-destined too? )

To be fair, the other two boys will be relatively easy, Jamie could be a pain at times, but he is fairly easy going and knows that I’ve been a lot happier and content over recent months. Max, well he’s still my baby and although he is clingy, he will be fine. I’ll just need to give them lots of attention and reassurance.

I usually make a roast on a Sunday, nothing too fancy. Just a ham or beef joint, potatoes and all the trimmings. I like having a traditional family dinner with the boys sitting down at the table for a change rather than eating in front of tv or separately. It seemed like a good idea to have the meeting then, daytime, more formal, less invasive and the boys could escape to their rooms at any time.

With that in mind, I decided that I’d tell the boys on Thursday evening, it seemed the right thing to do. It would give them enough time to ask questions and also some time on their own to think things over.

I made a point of leaving work early, picking Max up from school and stopping off at the local supermarket. I made spaghetti bolognaise, quite unusual for midweek without the usual rushing home from work. But I knew they would be happy to sit at the table rather than the tv and I wanted their attention without any distractions.

We had discussed this and agreed that it was a good idea as the kids could ask me questions as a group or individually. It also gave them a chance to talk things over with Mum as she would be watching the boys on Friday evening while we went to a concert in Glasgow and I was staying at his. I’d be coming home for the football run on Saturday morning and spending the day with the boys, letting them ask anything else they wanted to know. I’d even cancelled my usual night with Lynn just to spend more time with them,

As it turned out, telling the boys was easier than expected. I’d been worried sick about it over the past few days wondering if I’d made the right decision. But I knew I wanted more from the relationship. Ultimately I wanted someone in my life permanently so it had to start somewhere. This was just the first step in my plan albeit I haven’t figured out the next yet.

I waited until dinner was almost finished and said I’d something to tell them.

Getting them to stop messing around was usually quite difficult but they could tell by the tone of my voice that I had something serious to say.

I waited until I had their full attention, took a deep breath and told them that I’d been seeing someone for a few months and that I really liked him and that I wanted to know if it was okay if he came along to dinner on Sunday.

For a few moments, nothing was said, they looked at each other as if waiting on someone else to say something, then David the eldest stepped up to the mark and said

“Mum, we knew you were seeing someone, we can hear you on the phone at night talking for hours, sometimes quietly and sometimes laughing, we knew that eventually you would want us to meet him”

I was speechless, smiling, relieved, “Is that right boys, have you known?”

“Yes mum” said Max, while Jamie just grinned. “We’ve known for ages”

“Well why didn’t you say? Do you know how worried I’ve been about telling you this?”

“We reckoned that you would tell us in your own time when you had something worthwhile to tell us”

With that I hugged them and could feel a small tear run down my face as I kissed each of them in turn. I really am so proud of them,

They might not be perfect, but they are perfect to me.
Note – This additional chapter is her dilemma about telling the boys about the new man in her life.

Its to give some balance from the female POV and fits in between 2 parts told from the male point of view

H18 – Accepting The Inevitable?
H20 – Second Hand First Impressions!

As outlined here

I’ve renumbered some chapters of the book as I go, its still work in progress but only 2 more chapters to go and a bit of adding in detail.

The book when published is going to be called “For Lovers?” after the Pete Doherty song that inspired me to write the first chapter.

I’m running away with you, thats all I ever do
Thats all we ever mean, but I forgive you everything
Meet me at the railroad bar, about 7 o’clock
We’ll talk while the sun goes down, wach the lovers leaving town
This if For Lovers, running away, just for today?

Note the question mark in the title, okay its a love story and like all good love stories it has to have a happy ending, so we know they will get there, but its the journey that makes it interesting.

Scary Cat Woman – Part 4

A few moments later we were back with our friends, but they were caught up in a world of their own and so were we.

Theirs seemed to be more gentile though, still talking about people they knew from school and what they are doing now.

Our conversation was at a completely different level as I stood close to her, the palm of my hand lightly pressing against the small of her back and feeling the concave curve of her waist as it blends between her arse and her breasts.

I’m not one for over enthusiastic public displays of affection, but the next time we kissed and she forced her tongue in my mouth even the band said “the next song is dedicated to the couple at the back who need to get a room” as they burst into a rock version of Kiss by Prince.

We both gave them a smile and the lead singer acknowledged it with a Gene Simmons like flash of tongue between the lines “You don’t have to beautiful to turn me on” and “I just need your body baby from dusk til dawn” that drew a few looks and laughs but we didn’t care.

“Can you turn the tongue down a bit” I asked her, only because it was, fucks sake!

“Do you mean him or me?” She asked, feigning a hurt look.

“You! For Gods sake, it’s like snogging a snake, just ease it down a little”.

“Now you know how it feels for us girls” She reprimanded in her best school-teacher tones.

“Oh please!!! That’s awful! Besides, I’m not really into tongues dancing” My face wincing at the thought of a prolonged session.

“I wasn’t meaning tongues!” She laughed and smiled her sly sweet smile.

The next hour was over and gone before we realised, the band were finishing up with AC/DCs Long Way To The Top If You Want to Rock And Roll, the extended version as per Jack Black in School Of Rock with each member taking their turns to play solo.

Hal an hour later, we were back at hers, her mate had disappeared in a taxi and we had walked my mate home as it was on the way to hers.

I sat in the lounge while she disappeared off into the kitchen to make tea. But I noticed that she quietly disappeared into the bedroom for a few minutes. I was wondering if she was changing her pants ala Bridget Jones, the big tummy-holders being dumped for something a lot more sexy.

Why bother, I thought, we’re here now, what are we going to do, run away? Not this boy, I’ve got nowhere else to go and I’m here for the duration. She could be wearing boxers for all I care!

That’s when I first noticed the cats. She must have woke them or let them out the bedroom when she went in. One black and white look-a-like from the tweetie-pie cartoons and one grey and extremely fat. Sylvester wasn’t too slow at coming over and was slinking round my feet as I sat on the sofa. The grey one was a lot more hesitant standing at the bedroom door.

If I’m honest, I can’t stand fucking cats and part of me wanted to give Sylvester a kick, but it wouldn’t have been polite or productive. Quite the opposite.

So I waited on her coming out and then joined her in the kitchen, making tea and kissing passionately as the kettle boiled, my right hand caressing her left breast then when there were no objections to this, deftly sliding inside the front of her V-line dress and inside her bra.

It was then that I noticed her nipple was pierced “Oh, that was unexpected” my surprise showing on my face “Are they both pierced?” My mouth echoing my brain and emptying the thoughts directly without edit.

“I have everything pierced” She left it hanging, letting me wonder about the rest.

At that point the kettle clicked and she pecked me on the cheek and turned to make the tea which right at this moment was the last thing on my mind.

…. To be continued!

For Part 1 of This Story –

Online Dating – Dance, Floss And Wear Sunscreen!

I was speaking to a friend of mine today, she’s having man trouble and asking what its all about.
The following is an adaptation of the advice I gave her .. as much to me at some future date as to you today.

The only thing that you or I have that is truly valuable is our time.

When we were young, we thought that would last forever and it seemed to.

But now we are older, we’ve done relationships, we’ve been married, kid, divorced etc

We’ve been single, met this person or that person .. wasted time, drinking wine, talking crap and fucking our brains out.

The truth is that its all bollocks .. what really matters is “the one” and finding happiness and security.

And of course, there isn’t “one” .. there are many “one”s

It’s not easy this singledom mallarkey and everyone wants someone.

You, me, everyone is trying their luck looking for “the one” .. its easy to waste time looking for somethign you already have.

The bored married ones are cheating on their wives ..

The single ones are playing the field because what they want .. the girl of their 20 year old dreams isn’t fucking available ..

Because now she has 3 kids and a big ass .. and an ex who is a complete prick and doesn’t give her any money .. blah blah!

So what’s your choices?

Sit in the house?

No .. either get busy living or get busy dying ..

So get out there and find one “one” and make it local .. and make the best of it .. because your a long time dead!

Most importantly, find someone who wants you as much as you want them.

My advice .. Forget their faults, learn to appreciate the good rather than focus on the bad.

Just don’t waste that most valuable commodity .. your time.

We all deserve a little bit of happiness with our “one” even if they aren’t perfect.

I love this song and the advice it gives .. Dance Floss and wear Sunscreen!

And this ..

Scary Cat Woman – Part 3

The girls stood chatting at the bar waiting their turn. It was the first opportunity I had to look at her friend, slightly younger, slightly shorter, blonde, late 30s with a slim figure and a tattoo on her back just below her right shoulder blade, something small, possibly a cartoon cat, I couldn’t quite recognise it from this distance.

I was pretending that I wasn’t watching them but noticed every move from the corner of my eye. They had chatted while they waited on their drinks and there was a discussion going and the odd glance back to where I stood with my friend Stuart.

A few minutes later the girls were served and moved away from the bar, Scary Cat Woman looked at her friend, an almost imperceptible nod between them and they walked over and stood just in front of us and turned to face the band.

Not a word was said, but I’d caught her eye on the way over, I knew she was coming over here deliberately, invitingly, it would be stupid to ignore such an pen invitation.

The band were now playing Rocks by Primal Scream, a favourite of my mate and mine as we have tickets to see them later in the year at Glasgow Green. The girls must like that song too as they were mouthing the words “Get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey”

This close, I could see that the cat tattooed on her friends back was Tigger that wonderful bouncy thing from Winnie The Pooh, but a really stupid tattoo if you ask me. So you want a permanent visible marking and that’s the best you can come up with? It says it all really!

As the song finished and the band were chatting and moving towards their next selection, there was a gap in the girls conversation, so I tried my opening gambit.

“So you couldn’t stay away then?” Hoping that she wouldn’t tell me to get lost.

“Well this is the only place left to stand, either here or at the bar and I don’t like being bumped into” She turned from her friend as she spoke, her green eyes held mine. I could feel her challenging me, daring me to say something more. She is obviously very self-confident and aware of how attractive she is. Fuck I wanted her.

My mind was racing, what to say next? Something about not enjoying being bumped into? Or that I’d enjoy it if she bumped into me? Or would that be stupid and cheesy? I think it would and decided to stay safe.

“Are you going to see Primal Scream in June? My friend Stuart and I are going?” I glanced over to my friend, bringing him into the conversation, looking for support. I’ve found that it helps if it’s a 4 way conversation rather than leaving your friend or her friend standing like gooseberries.

Once upon a time, many moons ago, we had stood in a bar in Glasgow city centre, discussing some personal development course called Mind-Store by Jack Black. My mate being more of the typical male was quick to ridicule any concepts of self improvement. But I was a newly separated at the time and open to suggestion and new ideas.

As we stood there, chatting about the course, the 2 girls next to us overheard our conversation and one of them Maureen had indicated that she was considering going to the same course. There then ensued a conversation between Maureen and I for the next 30 minutes about the different books on personal development that we’d read. Meanwhile Stuart and her friend had a brief conversation which ended within minutes, largely because Maureen’s friend wasn’t his type.

What happened next was a learning experience itself. Maureen and I stood chatting, but we both realised that our friends were ignoring each other and looking bored. So we changed back to chat with our friends and shortly later she left saying good-bye and before I got her number.

Yes I did kick myself at the time. But fortunately, by some accident of fate, a few weeks later shopping in some mall in the outskirts of the city I bumped into her as she left the store which I was entering. We stood in the doorway, chatting for the next hour, neither of us had gone to the Mind-Store course but this time I did get her number.

As I said, that was many moons ago, our first date was on the day of 911, not to be forgotten.

But tonight, as the band stop for their break, the 4-way conversation is flowing. The girls aren’t going to see Primal Scream but they would love to. Tough luck as the tickets sold out months ago and they won’t be getting ours.

Not that I actually offered that opinion!

Stuart is in full flight chatting to her friend Mandy and they’ve both disappeared outside for a cigarette. Angela, without prompting, is telling me that she lives alone in the flat that she purchased last year after she split up from her partner and that she has no kids.

Of course, I’m not slow to let her know that I live on my own, why wouldn’t I?

“But I don’t live alone” she says “I live with my babies and she shows me a picture of her 2 moggies on her iphone”

Oh no, I think but smile and ask her whats she calls them?

The next 15 minutes is spent listening to her cat stories, how she got them from the rescue centre, how the ginger one was neglected and so thin, how they used to fight with each other and how they get on really well nowadays.

I listened intently, well okay, I listened pseudo-intently! I was already bored. What happened to taking about music and bands? I still fancied her though, so I tried really hard to nod in the right places and ask pertininent questions, I wanted to at least show an interest but was seriously hoping for an opportunity to change the subject.

Fortunately the band were back on the stage and Stuart and Angela came back in from their cigarette break, giggling like old friends and telling us that they had went to the same school.

I thought bugger this and asked everyone what they wanted to drink and went to the bar.

As I stood there, feeling that the night wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped, Angela appeared behind me, asking me to make hers a double. I could feel her breast pushing against my arm and I will admit to pushing back a little just to feel how firm or soft it was.

She obviously noticed as she pushed her self closer to me and was rubbing her breast along my arm as we stood there, eyes forward and not saying a word.

But then it happened, I looked at her, she looked at me and we kissed, full on mouths open and our tongues searching.

Yes I thought. I’m up for this and I don’t really give a fuck about her cats.

…. To be continued!

For Part 1 of This Story –

Scary Cat Woman – Part 2

Over the next hour, my mate and I chatted, I told him about the girl I fancied sitting in the corner of the bar.

He’s a married man and doesn’t get out often and can’t stay out late. So he wanted to know all about her. Not that there was much to tell. But I discretely indicated where she was sitting so that he could take a peek.

“Nice!” He said and went back to chatting about the cup final on Sunday.

I tried to forget about her, but now and then I felt the nerves on my cheeks tighten slightly and it felt like she was watching me.

Occasionally I’d look up and she was looking over my way or she would glance over and catch me looking at her. The first time that occurred I blushed red and turned away shaking my head in embarrassment at myself, but when I glanced again she was still looking and smiling.

Jesus, talk about feeling like a teenager.

My mate was still blabbing on about the football, I was trying to pay attention, but as long as my team won, I didn’t really care about the ins-and-outs of the game, winning isn’t everything and I’m not as interested in the game itself as he is. I support my team for a whole load of non-football reasons.

He could tell that my attention was elsewhere, so we changed subject on to women in general.

We usually do a top-three competition of the best three looking women in the bar from where you are standing, the rules are that you must be able to see them and they can’t be bar staff. There are no real age limits put on this competition, but its an unwritten rule that the women have to be in the obtainable bracket, ie of a certain age, we don’t waste our time looking at pretty young things.

Well we look, but we don’t fool ourselves or waste any effort.

Scary Cat Woman didn’t feature in his top three, He usually prefers the skinny blonde types. But she was my number 2, behind the Kelly Brook look-a-like that we both decided was the best looking woman in the place.

After the hour, my mate wanted to move on elsewhere, there was a band playing in the pub down the road and we could see the second hallf before he’s be heading for home. So we left, but as we moved to the door I had a last glance over and she smiled at me.

In the next bar, it was standing room only, the band were playing covers, The Stones, The Doors, The Kinks, thankfully everything except The Beatles.

We got our drinks and moved away from the bar, just as the band start playing Lola by The Kinks .. Lola – L-O-L-A Lola.

We’re standing singing along, “I’m not the worlds most phyiscal guy but when she held me tight she nearly broke my spine, Lola”

That’s when I saw her from the corner of my eye, she had just came through the door and was walking up towards the bar and passing me.

“Hello” I couldn’t help myself. It was one of those now or never moments and I would have regretted it if I hadn’t said something.

“Hello to you too, fancy seeing you here” she replied. Smiling at me as she pushed her long dark hair away from her face.

“I was hoping that you might come along to see the band” I held her eye for a moment to make sure she knew I was sincere.

“Oh were you, why didn’t you talk to me at the bar” She pouted, as she spoke I tried to work out what was funny about her face, there was something but I couldn’t tell what it was. She’s a good looking girl but there’s something a little misplaced.

“Um, well would you believe that I’m actually quite shy?” Not a complete lie, not in my normal life but certainly true where speaking to attractive women are concerned.

“Yeah right” She laughed and walked away to catch up with her friend at the bar.

At that I turned to my mate, who shrugged his shoulders and smiled and was no help whatsoever.

…. To be continued!

For Part 1 of This Story –