Drowning In The Sea Of Love?!

Been a hell of a week!!

New job, head down, keeping quiet … Not really me!!

But it’s early days, prove your worth and then speak out.

Thank feck it’s Friday!!

Unusually I have no plans this weekend.

Pretty incredible given that I’m on 2 dating sites.

What does that say?

Lack of interest?

Mine or theirs?

Both probably.

I’m tired of it, I can’t really be bothered with the game or game players.

Maybe a different approach required.

They say that you should live the life you love.

Do the things you enjoy doing and love should come your way.

Do you believe that?

I like the sound of that approach but my cynical side says that’s a bit idealistic.

That joining a walking or badminton club or taking dance lessons etc might eventually bring success but you’re not exactly advertising your availability.

Putting yourself on an online dating site is a far more direct approach.

There you are in the shop window for all to see. Which isn’t necessarily a good thing particularly when you see people you know.

But you’re there for a reason.

It can be tough.

It can be soul destroying at times.

The problem with online dating is ….

Do you want a list???!!! 🙂

People who lie about themselves
Who’s pics are 10 year old
Who aren’t actually available.

But the real problem is the uncertainty of the connections you make.

Even if you meet someone and enjoy their company there’s no guarantees that they feel the same.

Connections are so available that with no lines crossed or promises made then everybody is multi-dating.

Of course they are!

And why shouldn’t they?

They problem with this is that people are chasing a tick box list of what they consider perfection.

I’ve done it, I’ve dated people and thought within moments nope I don’t like your … Face:hair/figure/personality/ outlook .. Delete as necessary

That’s a 2 way street.

It’s The Sea Of Love .. Waves of people making connections and losing them as quickly.

Dating liquidity .. How’s that for a new term?

Anyway … It’s 4am and I’ve woke up on the sofa with the tv still on. How sad is that?

Maybe that’s why I’m being reflective.

Maybe it’s because I just went online and checked my emails. A mixed bag of contacts .. 2 messages from people that I’m not interested in and a non-interest message from someone that I am.

Tough!!

But when the going gets tough ..

The tough keep swimming!!

One just one but the right one.

Love this movie, Ellen Barkin although not classically good looking is an incredibly sexy woman and I love that little twisted smile of hers.

Will you?

Hows it going?

Well if you’ve been reading my trials and tribulations over the past few weeks you would know that I was just finished with my current project and had left the last bank I worked for on Tuesday this week.

The past few days I’ve been doing security checks for a new bank I had the offer of a job with and great news all done and dusted and they’ve asked me to start next wednesday.

Really delighted about it .. although disappointed that I didn’t get a week in the sun .. bummer!!

Really looking forward to the weekend now and planning to celebrate big style.

Tonight going to Celtic Connections with my cousin Gerry,  a few bands including Blue Rose Code are being filmed for the BBC and looking forward to that although its not really my cup of Tetley.

Tomorrow,  taking the girls for dinner in the Merchant City then to see my favourite musical West Side Story at The Kings Theatre.

Bit of a contrast .. but thats what lives about!

Oh yeah today .. in-between catching up with domestic stuff taught myself how to play this gem from the mid-80s .. haven’t heard it for years but is still fantastic.

Love the sentiment of the lyrics,  the anxiousness before that first kiss and that stunning sensual sax solo.

 

So long and thanks for all the pish …

Today is my last day at my current job, its had its ups and downs as you might have been aware from a few previous posts regarding non-EU workers .. and them still being here while my contract is being allowed to rundown …

C’est la vie!!

I treat work with a healthy disdain .. I’d rather be on a beach .. or at least doing something that I enjoy rather than doing something for someone else .. but at least I get well paid for it and to be fair I’ve actually quite enjoyed my time here.

The work itself was hardly challenging, I could do this in my sleep .. but it meant there was lots of free time that I filled up writing stories for my blog etc.

If it was my company I wouldn’t be too pleased about that. But the management here are so lax and clueless, and setting unrealistic deadlines. ie what would take me 2 days I usually get 2 weeks .. so theres loads of free time to burn.

Today, I arrived late, two bags full of cakes and goodies for my team adneveryone else around me.

All good people and I’ve enjoyed my time here.

Besides, I’ve had some good news .. I got the job I was looking for with another bank around the corner … Whoop-Whoo !!

Now I’ve just got to got through the security checks etc .. I’ve done this before on a number of occasions and also have government security clearance, so it should be a formality.

So between today and my target start date of 2 weeks yesterday I’m a free man.

After that its going to get a bit mad, a new job always means putting in a few extra hours, making sure you meet the expectations .. and particularly as this will be dealing with back-office for a dtrading floor it is apparently going to be full-on and stressful .. cool I can handle that .. in fact I thrive on stress .. so bring it on!!

This will be similar to a previous role with another bank, on call for a week at a time, billing 65 hours per week and probably only really working for 50 of that … the pager pings with an alert during the night, you read it over .. is it possibly due to a late feed and will it clear itself .. or do you actually have to get up and do anything?

Most of the time its the former .. roll over and go to sleep and bill an hour .. I can handle that!!

Meantime .. What am I going to do with all this free time?

A week in the sun would be fantastic, but can’t really leave the daughter as her exams are approaching in May and her prelims in Feb ..and I want to provide all the support she needs to make sure she can study to the max.

Maybe I could manage a long weekend in somewhere hot like Egypt, Dubia or Tenerife?

I think I deserve it!!

It’s Not Business, It’s Personal ….

Friday …. Yaaaaay!!

Been a busy week, helping my sons get his uni project soted out for its submission deadline monday night.

I’m still on the clock at my current role so I’ve been tidying up a few loose ends and making sure everything I’ve done is stored in their change management system.

But I finish here on monday and frankly the sooner the better as I’m just clock watching now.

It’s been a bit tough when the non-EU workers on project are sitting beside me are still going to be here for another 6 months and are now working on a separate but related project.

Why is that I asked?

Apparently its because my contract is as an individual, whereas these indivuals are contracted through a 3rd party company and their contract runs until June this year .. so their here and I’m history.

That sucks .. I don’t care about the bollocks excuses .. its plan wrong.

It’s wrong because here are employment laws in place to protect UK/EU workers, this company are ignoring them.

What do you do?

Make as much futile noise as possible and get yourself a bad reputation?

That would be shooting yourself in the foot and they know it, they rely on it, they don’t want you making a noise, cos if you do then they will say that you are the big bad R word .. it will affect your future employment .. and no-one wants that.

I’ve already complained to my MP and planning to arrange a further meeting with him in the next week or so while I have some “free time”.

Meantime, theres no point dwelling on things you can’t change and I’ve been focussing on things I can.

I’ve been busy getting the CV updated and out there.

Had an interesting call on monday and an interview with another bank last night, so I’ve spent quite a lot of time over the past few days prepping for the job interview.

I’m self employed and will still be employed by my own company so can’t join on to the benefits system.

Not that I’d want to.

Being self employed, I earn pretty well, have a bit of spare cash in the bank and over the past year I’ve been living it up, lots of concerts, modernised the house, took the kids on a cruise.

All good fun, but it would be really short sighted and quite frankly stupid of me if I didn’t have a few cash reserves and the mortgage paid off!

But I’m a working guy, I expect to be working and if not pulling in a wage at the end of the month, or at least raising a company invoice and filling the coffers then I feel that there is something missing, like I’m not functioning properly.

its particularly tough to know that I don’t have a wage coming next week while these fuckers do.

Yeah yeah, I know its just business and its not personal ..

You think?

Well its affecting me personally, so its fucking personal!

The Platform Lovers – 25 – Blind!

25 – Blind!

Fiona smiled as she read Alex’s text “I’m on my way, I’ll be there in 10 minutes, hope you’re ready and waiting for me. X”

She pressed the remote to turn off the tv, catching a glimpse of her reflection as she stood up, she paused for moment, fixing her dark shoulder length hair and checking her lipstick. “Not too bad for a 40 year old” she thought to herself.

She took a bottle of Prosecco from the fridge and 2 glasses, unlocked her front door and left the key in the lock, she knew that Alex would lock it on arrival.

Fiona had already been busy, tidying the house, lighting scented candles in the bedroom, adjusting the heating to make sure the room was warm but not too hot. She hated feeling cold, particularly if she was going to be lying naked for any period of time, even although she knew Alex would soon warm her up, what was the point in not feeling comfortable?

She dropped her dressing gown on the chair beside the bed and turned on the tv, then popped the Prosecco and poured them both a glass of the sparkling Italian nectar.

Yeah, she knew how Alex wanted her to be when he arrived, naked and legs akimbo, but she’d watch a little tv until the heard his car arriving on the driveway.

Get real for heavens sake!!

What would you do?

Sit there like a submissive dope waiting for your master or watch tv?

Yeah, that’ll be right, thought Fiona!

Fiona liked Alex, she enjoyed his company, he was intelligent, kind, generous, playful and one hell of a fuck. She enjoyed playing his games and pleasing him, particularly as he enjoyed pleasing her and always made sure she came a few times, but she had her pride and she wanted their relationship to develop to be more than the occasional nights out in between the sex on demand.

She sipped the Prosecco and flipped channels, normally she’d be watching soaps around this time in the evening, so she hit record, tonight would be fun but there was no point in missing out on the latest episodes was there?

Fiona heard Alex’s car on the driveway, it was hard to miss, its 4.2 diesel engine was quiet and smooth inside but she could hear the twin exhausts above the sound of the tv.

She hit the off button, puffed up the pillows and lay down on the bed with her arms wide and her legs open as he had requested, feeling slightly nervous but excited at the same time. She had been looking forward to this all day and had even told her friends that he was coming over and that they had a passionate night ahead.

She heard Alex walk from the car and come in the front door locking it behind him, she nearly called out “upstairs” and had to bite her lip.

A few minutes passed and there were barely muffled sounds and not a word from Alex.

What was he doing down there?

It seemed to be taking ages before she heard his footsteps on the stairs, he must have been taking off his clothes as his steps seemed too quiet for him to be wearing shoes.

She listened for a few more seconds and then closed her eyes before he reached the top of the stairs and could see her from through the bedroom door.

The next few moments seemed to last forever as she heard him slowly walk across the room, pausing at the dressing table then the bottom of the bed.

Even with her eyes firmly closed, she could feel him looking at her, drinking her in, examining her freshly waxed vagina. She could feel the goose-pimples rising on her arms and her labia moisten slightly as she waited on his touch.

She loved the anticipation but she wished that he would get on with it!!

Well it had been a few weeks!

Alex had been thinking about this for weeks and had been preparing for this all day. He was a thorough man, methodical. He liked to visualise things in his head, he liked to run through his plans and ensure that he had everything he needed in advance.

Tonight, he was ready, he had stripped naked at the foot of the stairs, everything else he needed was in the black rucksack that he now carried with him.

Alex moved to the right-hand side of the bed, slowly opening the sports bag. He watched Fiona’s expression change as she heard the rasp of the zip. He was deliberately sending her signals that the game was on, but keeping her guessing to the content.

He placed the bag beside the bed and picked up his glass of Prosecco and gulping a mouthful back, he’d once heard that wine should be gulped rather than sipped and not being a wine-snob that suited him fine.

Alex kneels beside Fiona, in-between her outstretched arm and her body, leaning over and kissing her gently on the lips, then as her mouth opened, their kiss became more passionate. She can taste the fizz but drinking is the last thing on her mind right now.

Alex lifts her head from the pillow and slips the tape of the blind fold over her head, adjusting it to make sure her eyes are fully covered then kissing her gently on the lips once more.

He draws away from her, her face lifting to retain contact but he gently places his hand on her chest to keep her in place. This is his game, Fiona knows that she will be well taken care off, but for now he wants to keep her guessing.

He reaches across to her right side and lifts her hand on to her tummy, then takes her left hand and places it on top of the right, he lifts a silk tie from the rucksack and wraps it around her wrists, but doesn’t tie them.

Fiona is puzzled at this, when they’ve done this previously, he’s always used some kind of knot that she could never open without assistance from him, so why not this time?

Alex stands up, he likes the idea of Fiona waiting for him not knowing what he will do next, its part of the game and keeps it exciting.

He reaches into the bag, Fiona can hear him lifting something, but it can’t be another tie as it sounds solid as it brushes against the material of the rucksack.

Alex takes the few steps to the foot of the bed, his cock is stiff and erect and slaps against his tummy, he smiles at this, a brief memory of their first time naked and Fiona laughing at him using his PC muscles to make it slap in time to the music.

If she wasn’t blindfolded right now, she would probably be laughing but there is a tension in the atmosphere, the games are afoot and not a word is being said.

Alex kneels between her open legs, gently kissing the top of her vagina, then moving his head so that he can run his tongue along its length from bottom to top as far as he can go.

To Fiona’s surprise he moves away, gently lifting her legs and closing them together, then he lies down on the bed beside her.

Right, whats going on? Fiona wonders, this is unexpected.

Alex places the box on top of Fiona’s chest and props himself up on his elbow, waiting.

He can see the puzzled expression on her face, but he wants to see if she will react and break out of the game.

What do you think? Do you think she should or shouldn’t?

I’m making this up can’t make my mind up.

Does he enjoy the fact that he has control over her even with this new play?

Or does he want her to break out of it, so that he knows she isn’t totally submissive?

Decisions!! 🙂

A minute passes, Fiona is uncertain what to do? Are they still playing the game even although it has changed? She can tell from his breathing that he’s relaxed, but what’s he waiting for?

“Right okay, whats going on?” She asks, her head sill in position facing skyward.

“Not much, but that games over, we’re starting a new game” He slowly removes her blindfold, making sure that it doesn’t catch on her hair, then goes back to his propped position.

Fiona adjusts her eyes to look at him, he’s smiling but his expression and there’s that twinkle in his eyes which is usually there when he’s being playful. She moves her eyes to look at the box on her chest, its small and gift-wrapped.

“Whats this?”

“It’s for you, why don’t you open it and see?”

She shakes off the silk tie from her wrists, lifts the box and sits up in bed. She’s looking at him, he never usually gives much away but he’s positively beaming at this moment.

She tears open the wrapping paper and slowly opens the box.

The ring glistens even in the low light of the bedroom, its white gold reflecting the light from the bedside lamp.

Fiona looks at the design, it’s two hands holding a heart with a crown above it.

“It’s beautiful, but what does it mean?”

“It’s called a Claddagh, why don’t you read the inscription?” says Alex, still smiling.

Fiona turns the ring to the light reading the message engraved on the inside “To Fiona with Love, Loyalty and Friendship, Alex x”

She puts on the ring, surprised that it fits perfectly.

“How did you know my ring-size?”

“I’m a detective, of course I know your size, which reminds me, I borrowed that sapphire ring of yours the last time I was here!”

She smiles, looks at the ring and kisses him on the lips “Thank you, I don’t know what to say”

“You don’t need to say anything Fiona, you’ve always been there for me, I know that I don’t often show any emotion but ..”

“You mean like never?”

“Yeah okay, never, that’s part of what I do for a living, but I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you”

She kisses him again, he sees her choke up and the tears begin to well up in her eyes and pulls her towards him “No need to cry babe, you should be happy”

Fiona buries her head in his shoulder, attempting to sniff the tears away and failing miserably “I am happy, more happy than you know, I’m just surprised and wondering why?”

“Well I know I can be distant, but I deal with people who are full of deceit and lies. Today I closed a case where some cheating bastard had been lying to his wife for years. He was planning to leave her and trying to cheat her out of her business, I’m glad to see the back of it, but it got me thinking about you and I wanted you to know that I care for you a lot more than you know and although I enjoy everything we do, it’s not just about sex”

“Thanks honey, I really really appreciate this, I’ve been thinking about you too and wondering if we would ever have anything more the odd night together?”

Alex raises her head, waiting til her eyes are locked on his “I love everything we do in the bedroom, I love you being submissive and playing games, but I want more than that I want you to be my equal too. It’s Christmas and I hope we can spend as much time together as possible, lets treat next year is a new start.”

She closed her eyes and put her head on his chest, pleased and confused, this had taken her by surprise and although it was what she wanted, she wondered what the year ahead would bring.

So do I!! 🙂

Sons, Irn-Bru And Flu Forecasting!

What do you know about Holt Winters Demand Forecasting?

It’s a sophisticated method of forecasting based on past results and utilises expnential smoothing to predict future demand.

The clever part of this is that, as time goes on and more actual resutls are available, the calculated smoothing parameters alter to predict future forecasting even more accurately.

Sound complicated?

Have a read ….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exponential_smoothing

Could you build that model in excel?

Then use VBA, Visual Basic For Applications to modify the model for future demand as it becomes available graphing as necessary?

Nope?

Neither could I … but I have now!!

That boy of mine is a complete nightmare .. 24 years of age and pours a full glass of Irn-Bru down his laptop .. what a complete dope!!

He’s freaking .. he’s lost the work he’s done, plus he had an exam last Thursday and another coursework to be completed on Friday, then this one to be done for midnight last night and he’s not thad the time to do it.

The thing is, his first degree is in Cell Biology, he’s not got the math or computing experience of most of the other people on this Masters Degree in Business Analysis and Operational Research.

He says that the only VBA he got in class was 2 hours worth and then told to read the online examples.

The boy looks stressed out of his tits, the clocks ticking and he neither has the tools or the exoperience to get the job done in time.

So what do you do?

Me .. I left him to it .. not my problem!

You know thats not true, I gave him my laptop, he build the forecast model and we spent the weekend manipulating it for future models and writing the VBA.

Job done, he’s delighted .. and I’m glad to have helped him out and overcome the challenge.

The university have arranged a work placement for him with the NHS which he started yeterday. They asked for him specifically because of his first degree in Cell Biology.

They want him to build a model for predicting future take up of the Flu Vaccine and to investigate the reasons why its not been taken up as often as they expected .. apparently the take up is less than 50% for the eligible groups.

He’s a clever boy and I’m sure the weekends work will have helped him out significantly.

He looked very handsome today leaving for work with his suit and tie and I’m a proud dad.

I just hope that they don’t let him drink Irn-Bru anywhere near their PC’s

Love their ads .. some of the most original, creative and outrageous on tv.

Happy Birthday Mum – Love Beats Poverty.

1938, 76 years ago today, my mum Patricia was born in a one-bedroom tenement flat in Neptune Street, Govan, Glasgow.

Govan back then just before the second world war was a thriving area, the shipyards were busy and men could easily swap between the various yards depending on who was paying overtime and bonuses.

It was a tough, working class place to grow up, this was the days of the razor gangs and voilence was rife.

Many wives and children would be left struggling for survival with what was left after the men would spend their wages in the bars and betting shops.

Most wives with families didn’t work, they didn’t have the time, running a house was hard work without todays labour saving devices such as waching machines and dishwashers. Even fridges were a rarity so food shopping was a daily task and you bought fresh as and when you needed it or could afford it.

Of course the men didn’t do any housework, they’d been working all day and expected their tea on the table waiting for them when they got home.

Changed days .. could you imagine being in a relationship like that nowadays?

Fortunately my grandad Duncan wasn’t that type of man. He had came down from the Island of Islay in his teenage years and joined the army becoming a corporal in the Argyll and Sutherland Fusiliers. During the war years he worked as an engineer on the railways and was excluded from being called up to fight.

Duncan was a gentleman and a soft character, he met my gran Kathleen at a local dance, Katie was from southern Ireland, red haired and of fiery stock, even in my early memories as a child Katie ruled the roost in their home and Duncan was happy to spent the evenings with mum and her 2 sisters Maureen and Hannah.

If you ever watch Mrs Browns Boys .. thats Katie .. always makes me laugh and think of her.

The war started when mum was a baby, and she has little memories of it apart from hearing the warning sirens and having to rush to the air-raid shelters. An interesting account from a lady a little older than mum can be found here.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/ww2peopleswar/stories/77/a7590477.shtml

It beggars belief that people had to live like that, thankfully for al thats wrong with todays world I can’t see that happening again.

Unfortuately when mum was 5 and the war was in its 4th year mum caught TB, perhaps due to the poverty and malnourishment of rationing or the filthiness and close quarters of the shelters were the disease was passed by breathing microbes in the air passed on by fellow sufferers.

As the disease was contagious, mum was confined to the Victoria Hoipital for 18 months and missed her first 2 years at school.

Duncan wasn’t the kind of man that would let something like that hold his daughter back and spent as much time as possible teaching mum to read and write, taking her to the park and making sure that when she started school age 7 that she wasn’tfar behind the other kids.

There was lots of love back then, poor but love and the bond between mum and her dad was close until he passed away back in 1990.

Mum, as a child playing in the streets, got to know my Dad, not that they were friends, Dad was a few years older and was of the “big bad boys” and by his own admission was a bit of a rogue.

Dad was brought up without a mum and my grandfather was fighting in the war in France, Poland and Germany,

So him and his sister Rose and his brother Mick did what they had to do to survive.

Rose aged 10 largely looked after my Uncle Eddie who was a baby at the time when their mum left, running away with some other guy., then turning up 42 years later looking for al to be forgiven.

When we were kids, Rose became the paternal grandmother, a matriach, and went on to become a Glasgow Ciy Councillor and am activist for womans rights.

Thats another story for another day.

Time passes and the wars over, mum and dad grow up not knowing each other.

Mum works in various factories around the area.

Dad serves his apprenticeship as an engineer then does his national service in Germany. He says that it made him, travel and seeing how the other half lived opened his mind, he learned to look after himself, learned self discipline.

He learned how to speak German and that German people were decent and hard working and not the monsters that the propaganda during the war would have you believe.

Dad returned home, a corporal in the Royal Engineers and fitter and stronger than he’d ever been.

He says that when he got back to Govan the first thing he noticed was the smell, that the streets were stinking, full of waste food and rubish and nothing like the order and cleanliness that was the norm in Germany.

A few weeks later, he met my mum at the “dancing”, he was 24 and she was 21, they didn’t know each other until they realised that they had been playing in the same streets as kids.

Mum and dad started courting .. or as it was called locally “winching” .. despite the disapproval of my gran Katie, who remembered dad as the bad boy without the mother, who was always dirty.

But try and break up a relationship between your kids and they’ll only dig in and grow closer just to spite you.

Dad asked mum if she’d like to go on holiday to Brighton, mum was thrilled at this but there was no way that Katie would allow it unless she was chaperones by my aunt Maureen. So in the August that year, Mum Dad, Maureen and Rose all headed down to Brighton for 2 weeks,

Mum and Dad were in seperate rooms, but nature always finds a way and thankfully my Aunt Maureen wasn’t doing her job properly or I wouldn’t have been born in the March the following year!!

Something that I love to remind Maureen off on many family occasions .. Love her to bits!!

Despite Katies disapproval Mum and Dad were married on Boxing Day, I was born at t end of March, mum looks beautiful in the the wedding photographs and not showing at all.

18 Months later, my brother Duncan was Born, then another 2 for John, then 9 for mark and a last minute suprise for Stuart who is almost 19 years younger than myself .. Good for them, thats some innings!!

My childhood years were poor, living in a one bedroom flat with no bathroom until I was 18 and moved out and mum and dad could afford a bigger place, 3 bedrooms with a bathoom .. whoop-whoo!

Sounds prehistoric doesn’t it?

Can you imagine living without a bathoom?

Fortunately the swimming baths weren’t too far away and Dad taught us to swim from an early age .. and we thought it was about swimming .. it was actually about making sure we were clean.

Poverty can do one or two things, it can tear you apart as you fight for survival or it can push you together.

Being poor doiesn’t mean you don’t have high standards, family values or ambitions.

My brothers arnd I have all done pretty well for ourselves, 4 of us have university degrees,, all of us are married with children, I’m the only one that is divorced. None of us have ever been arrested or been involved in criminal activities.

That all comes from having strong family values, laid down by loving and caring parents.

If you’ve read this blog, you’ll know that my brothers and I are all very close. I’d do anything for them,, I’m sure they’d do the same.

Mum and Dad to their credit brought us up well, poor but well and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Mum passed away 3 years ago, Diverticulitus, usually a non fatal illness affecting the bowel and the intestine, but it was complicated by her weak heart possibly caused by her childhood tubericilosis.

I wrote about it and the strange peace I found afterwards here

https://dancingbhoy.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/in-another-room/

But one thing about my mum, she had a great heart, it may not have been physically strong, but she was a kind and generous with what she had. She was a wee battler and when we were kids she would have taken on goliath if they’d came near her boys.

Happy birthday mum wherever you are, you live on in the memories of your 5 sons and 12 grandkids and now 2 great grandkids and counting.

I’ve attached a photograph from mums funeral of us 5 boys taken at her funeral, no black ties, mum didn’t want a morbid service. Its the recreation of a pic taken when Stuart was a baby, we are in the same positions as we were at the time and I’m at the back on the right.

If you enjoyed reading this, and your mum is still with us, then give her a call and tell her you love her.