Is it only men that suffer from a mid-life crisis?
Naaah .. not a chance!
A good friend contacted me today, she’s on holiday with her kids and some other family members.
Sitting there on a beach with lots of other families, kids running around playing and couples chatting and reading their books.
I could tell she was feeling down from the text, looking at the happily familes and their perceived perfection and then judging herself and her own situation harshly.
I told her that she was lucky to have her family all around her and to be staying in a 5-star resort, lying in the sunshine and being waited on hand and foot, that she should remember how lucky she is, but I was aware that she wasn’t telling me what the real problem was.
A few texts later it arrived.
She’s lying there in her bikini looking at her stretch marks and her drooping breasts and measuring herself against the young things adjacent to her with their pert bodies, handsome husbands and wondering where it all went wrong.
Life is cruel sometimes.
Sometimes through no fault of your own, you find yourself in a situation that you wouldn’t have wanted or planned for.
At this stage of her life, she doesn’t deserve to be on her own, she’s far too good for that.
So the conversation continued ..
She’s considering surgery, breast lift, botox, non-surgical face lifts .. anything to fight the years.
What she didn’t tell me is that she’s afraid, afraid of being alone and unwanted at this stage of her life and for the percievable future.
Truth is, she’s not young and she’s not perfect but she is still beautiful and her personality and warmth make her shine even with people who don’t really know her.
She should be with someone who see’s past the imperfections and loves her for who she is right now.
What she really wanted .. was reassurance.
She wanted to know that her life wans’t over and she still had the possibility of finding love ahead of her.
Of course there is.
She is a beautiful intelligent 40++ woman and too good to be on her own for long but still she judges herself harshly.
I dare say its because she is at that age, realising that her best is behind her.
Thats true, Probably for you and me too.
I know that I’m my own worst critic, but I’ve learned to stop comparing myself with other people, especially those much younger than I or that the media puts forward as conventionally beautiful.
My advice, value yourself for who you are and all that you have achieved, try and make the best of yourself., but don’t be too harsh on yourself either. You cannot compete with magazines or conventional beauty so why waste all your energy trying?
Life is too short to waste being hard on yourself and not holding back from being all that you can be. So get out there and live it, if someone doesn’t like you for who you are then forget them, they don’t deserve you.
A few words from one my favourite poems seem apt … I was reminded of this recently.
No man can tether time or tide .. and no woman too.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in making the best of yourself, making yourself feel good.
We all do it .. in one way or another, small stuff like haircuts or keeping fit. Anyone with any self awareness.
But surgery defintely isn’t required to stay beautiful. Personally I think thats the road to ruin.
Like the poem below, external beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder.
And it doesn’t last forever .. so you better make the inside count too.
Extract from Tam O’Shanter by Robert Burns
But pleasures are like poppies spread:
You seize the flower, its bloom is shed;
Or like the snow fall on the river,
A moment white – then melts forever,
Or like the Aurora Borealis rays,
That move before you can point to their place;
Or like the rainbow’s lovely form,
Vanishing amid the storm.
No man can tether time or tide
Love the Christina song below .. not played it for ages ..