Scaring Off That Big Black Dog.


Somewhere out there,  they are there,  alone,  lonely,  miserable bordering on depressed but they say nothing and if you ask,  they say that “they’re fine.”

“It’s okay not to be okay “.. became a mantra often repeated on social media in the past few years..

But is it really okay not to be okay?

How do you know when your friend,  colleague or family member says that “they’re fine”.

Another popular one .. i would rather listen to your problems than your eulogy.

Sounds cliched,  a sound-bite to like or share on social media,  but what are you actually going to do about it?

Late one night on a camping trip,   when the drinking and singing had settled down to a chilled quiet talk round the fire,   a good friend of mine confessed to having the Black Dog of depression following him.

I’d never heard of the term before and asked him to explain. Continue reading “Scaring Off That Big Black Dog.”

Oh No Not My Baby – COVID-19.


The old adage that if you play with fire,  you will get burned has always beeen true.

But never more apt than for our NHS and care workers on the front-line dealing with patients who have the virus.

My daughter Laura has been working on the front-line since people started being hospitalised with the symptoms in early March.

She texted me a few weeks ago to tell me that she had tested positive for the virus and sent me a copy of the positive test.

Obviously I called her immediately.

Continue reading “Oh No Not My Baby – COVID-19.”

Intermittent Fasting – 6 Month Review

You fat B   .. you fat B… 

My scales did their best impression of the audience greeting Roy Chubby Brown as I stepped on them after being for a week’s holiday in the sun.

That was July last year and I was my heaviest weight ever .. ever ever!

If you look back on my blog then you’d see that  I’d already hit my heaviest in March 2018,  did some exercise and cut the carbs and lost a stone I wanted.

But this time,  I had exceeded that high weight by another half a stone,  partially due to pressure of work,  long commutes making long days and comfort eating.

I was having the carb coma after eating carbs at lunch and if I’m honest with myself I was worried about becoming diabetic or  having high blood pressure and the more severe health issues that come with that including heart disease and stroke,  particularly as my dad had a stroke around my age and although he’s 85 now he’s partially immobile and it has affected his quality of life.

At 16 stones that did it .. enough was enough.

Continue reading “Intermittent Fasting – 6 Month Review”

Please Just Fuck Off!

It’s the half night

The half light

I’m wide awake

When I should be sound


She’s been texting

Her anxiety increasing

With my lack of response

But I was asleep to be fair


She wants me

She misses me

She wants me to fuck her

To do anything I want


She asks

Do I miss her?

Do I not love her?

Why don’t I love her?


All that angst and anxiety

While I was in the land of nod

Dreaming about nothing at all

And certainly not her


Continue reading “Please Just Fuck Off!”

A bit fit? #fitbit

So ..  it was my birthday last week.  My kids bought me a Fitbit Blaze   Basically a smart watch which monitors various aspects of your health and wellbeing.

I’ve got to tell you I was somewhat cynical to the claims made in its reviews of accuracy and functionality.

But hey I was born cynical!
However ..  I’m happy to report that after a week of wearing my device, it’s my new favourite toy.

I’ve found that it accurately monitors the number of steps, floors climbed, daily exercise routine or a lack of.

A personal highlight is that it produces an accurate assessment of my sleep pattern.  See screenshot above.

My sleep pattern is pretty awful, prior to starting this new job I’d be up until 1am most nights or sleeping at 10 then awake at 4.     That may still be the case as I need to start waking up at 630 and out at 730am and have been tired most nights.

But this records the sleep I’m getting.   Friday night and I’m out at 1030 and get over 7 hours sleep.  I’m amazed at that.

The best thing I’ve found though is that the Fitbit isn’t just a monitoring tool but is also a motivational tool.  Continue reading “A bit fit? #fitbit”

The Illusion Of Glamour?

“The night is dark and full of terrors” is the chant she used as she held service to Stannis and his men. 

The night was certainly full of terrors in the first episode of the new Game Of Thrones last night. 

The character Melisandre is revealed to be an ancient hag using her magic to appear like a beautiful woman. 

An interesting article below on last nights final scene.    The article asks is this not what all women do with their make-up and treatments to appear younger than they are?

Melisandre is obviously an extreme case,  but the sight of a naked old lady on tv was both shocking and sad. The look in her eye as she revealed herself standing naked before the camera, empty breasts and stomach drooping,  her once thick glossy hair now thin and white. 

The illusion of glamour. 

It reminded me of someone that I used to know!

I’m not being deliberately unkind,  fake tan, botox, droopy tits in a good bra,  the works.  

She was a good looking girl, at surface level and definitely a stunner when she was younger. 

I wondered if her desperation to look younger was directly proportionate to how attractive she was in her younger day?

That because she had once been beautiful, she wanted to claw it back as much as possible. 

It took a long time to see her naked and the first time I did, she cried, revealing herself hadn’t been easy for her. 

As a guy, we are expected to accept our women as they are, yet simultaneously appreciate them putting on their public face, hair, makeup. 

It only leads to these moments of self inflicted trauma such as these when you get to see below the mask. 

I have no idea why women feel like they have to make this huge effort to look younger or more glamorous. 

Not that I don’t appreciate it. 

What I do know, is that this illusion is skin deep and shallow.  

A new guy will often be disappointed when after initial dating, his girl reveals herself.   

Make up is one thing, but the wonderbra and spandex have a lot to answer for. 

It’s the hook of keeping the guy interested long enough to buy into a deal that he won’t run away from when he sees what’s really on the table. 

That by that time he likes her for her personality not just her looks. 

Might happen for a while, but the truth has a habit of catching up with us.  

Thing is,  most guys of a certain age are realistic in their expectations,  we appreciate the effort but don’t expect perfection. 

Here’s a thing guys learn as they get older ..  that they aren’t perfect either. 

It gives a perspective we didn’t have in our younger day, a willingness to accept less than perfect because we aren’t perfect ourselves. 

But there’s truth,  there’s limits,   You either find someone physically attractive or you don’t.    

You can’t force attraction. 

She gets up in the morning and goes to the bathroom,  as she walks round the bed,  you open sleepy eyes and watch her move,  her breasts jiggle, you subconsciously appreciate her hip to waist ratio even if she is carrying a few extra pounds. 

Who wants a skinny chick anyway?

While she’s in the bathroom you awake,  you’re cock rising to the occasion,  you casually stroke it, feeling the pulse of blood pumping in that thick blue vein. 

You’re waiting on her coming back to bed,  ready to make love or fuck her brains out quickly between now and the alarm going off. 

That either works or it doesn’t. 

If it works for you then great,  you’re lucky to be in a relationship where you’re appreciated by your man regardless of how you might feel about yourself. 

So enjoy it. 

The say that time is a great healer but time can be cruel too. 

If you happen to be a 40+ year old woman with the body of a girl half your age then you’re very lucky and a very rare exception to the rule. 

The article mentioned above.

Work Stories – Grafters?

I’m working at the headquarters of a bank in Glasgow, I’m a consultant and only here on a temporary basis until their new system is up and running then I’ll go somewhere else.

As you may have read on my previous blog, its already late and over-budget .. am I bothered?! 🙂 

No, my job is to sort it out, plain and simple then I move on. 

Anyway, I’m sitting on a floor of a few hundred people, largely women working in their complaints handling department,. 

Every day there are desks full of cakes, chocolates and other goodies. 

Every day the break-out area is full of these women eating curries and pizza, there’s not a lot of salads or soups on display. 

The vast majority with rare exception are badly overweight, too much carbs, too little exercise. 

There’s one exception …

She’s small, wiry and .. before you think I’m describing some babe .. she’s the cleaner. 

She’s about 60 years old and on the go all day long, cleaning floors, desks, toilets. 

They say that to keep healthy, you should keep moving .. looking at the evidence there’s definitely truth in that. 

Work Stories – Jiggle?

She’s walking towards me now. 

5’4, shapely, fitted dress, long dark blonde hair and mid 40s.

I’m lost in thought gazing into space and sorting out some logical problem in my head, but something about her catches my attention, draws me back to earth.

She sees me change focus and for a moment our eyes meet. 

But it wasn’t her eyes that I was looking at, it was her breasts jiggling as she walked towards me. 

I’ve never been a breast man, or a butt man, or a leg man .. Everyone’s different and everyone has their individual merits in the attraction game. 

I like to think that I consider the overall package, how it fits together, but there are a few must haves ,, a few well if you’ve not got that well I’m not really interested. 

Take b00bs, since we are on the subject …

What’s the point in going out with a girl that doesn’t have any? 

You’ve been there . getting rib-cage in your face when what you want is your face filled with feminine softness. 

Or for that matter, what if what she has isn’t actually very nice .. inverted n1pples or breasts sagging like spaniels ears .. no thank you. 

The problem is that it’s one thing looking, but you never know that until you’re half way down that road, paradise by the dashboard light and at that point who is going to “stop right there” for a trivial variation from your ideal? 

I reckon a perky jiggle is a good decider without getting naked. 

Not small, but with enough volume to bounce a little as she walks, and not too big, not massive as there’s no way that the undulations of her walk are overcoming gravity. 

What guy doesn’t like breasts?   

We are made to, it’s in our genetic programming, these sources of nourishment and femininity are very comforting to have in your face. 

Anyway, she passed, I’ve never spoke to her, but there was a moment. 

For some reasons, she’s stopped short behind me and instead of going where she was going, she has about faced and heading for her desk. 

She walks past me, wiggling, that little piece of extra weight on her hips .. love handles, the bit that we like to grab hold off. 

But make no mistake, she has a waist even although she’s carrying a few extra pounds. 

It’s about balance, excessive fat is bad, but who wants a skinny mini? 

Personally I reckon that a few extra pounds in all the right places is what God made women to be. 


Just a thought about Jiggle or Wiggle .. never thought of it before .. but jiggle is for breasts and their up and down movement, wiggle is for butts and their sideways movement as she walks. 

Interesting read here some research linking breast size to lifespan.

There’s also a science in gaming developed to model the dynamics of the jiggling breast. 

Who would believe it!!  

Golden Slumbers and I will sing a Lullaby

Can you imagine losing your brother,  or sister?

It’s tragic when it happens from some terrible accident,  but theres something worse when its a dehabilitating disease and you’ve watched them suffer and fade for years,   going though all the medical procedures to increase their life span whilst simultaneously reducing their quality of life in the process.

Can you imagine that this terrible disease is genetic and its already killed two or three of your siblings?

How would you feel?

Imagining that you could be next,  that even if you manage to miss it then it might affect your own children.

Cancer is an evil, relentless disease that can affect us all,  but affects some families more than others.

Today,  I’m at a family funeral,  my brothers wife’s sister.   With two sisters already taken,  I cannot imagine how she is feeling.

I can only imagine myself in her place and empathise.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to watch one of my 4 brothers to suffer and die in such circumstances.

I’m the eldest of 5 sons,  we love, we fight, we are there for each other.  All different but with a common bond,  I can’t imagine life without any one of them,  the gap left behind would be immense.

Today,  I’ll pray for Sarah, for her loss.

But I”ll pray for Liz and her children,  my god-daughter more.

I’ll pray for anyone out there suffering from this awful disease and thank God that my own family has avoided it.

If you happen to read this, maybe you could say a silent prayer too.

If you and yours are cancer free then count your blessings.

Pray for the living.

“And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make”

Leibster Award Nomination. #Humour

Dear Zebrakat,

Thank you so much for nominating me for the Liebster blogger awards.

I really do appreciate the nomination and the kind words.

These awards only have a few rules:

Thank the blogger who nominated you with a link back to his/her blog.

Answer the questions asked by the nominator.

Nominate bloggers with under 500 followers.

Create 10 questions for the nominees to answer.

Simple as that!
Here are the questions given to me:

If you could change career, what would it be?

I’d be a lawyer or politician,  not your money grabbing career type,  more interested in standing up for people against unfairness or the power of corporations for example zero hour contracts should be illegal,  avoiding corporate taxes should be curtailed and be a direct relationship to turnover.

I have an inbuilt healthy disdain for lawyers and politicians, lying money grabbing sharks,  but thats their job.

However, I’m older and wiser and have came to realise that if you want to change the world then you can’t be an onlooker,  you have to get in the game.

If the world was going to end in a month, where would you go?

I’d stay at home with family,  a couple of day trips up to Loch Lomond,  standing on the ridge of Conic Hill looking over the loch and admiring the beauty of the world.

If you were an animal, what would you be?

A wolf,  smart, cunning,  family orientated, but lethal when necessary.

I think we are all animals,  underneath the pressures and conformance of modern life we were all put here to eat sleep and make babies.

Anything other than that ( work, money fashion, cars etc )  is to enhance our status and ability to complete the primary objective of furthering our own gene pool.

If you could have dinner with a celebrity, who would it be and why?

Robin Williams,  a real shining star,  intelligent, funny with hidden depths of tragedy.  I’d like to talk to him, persuade him not to go.

A table of 4,  Robin Williams, Mick Jagger, Charlie Sheen and me would be a riot!
If you were given a free flight ticket to any destination, were would you go?

Japan,  such a different culture,  although probably more commercial these days and the old ways lost.  I don’t think there will be a Shaolin temple with Kwai Chang Caine waiting.

Alternatively an African Safari complete with MK74 assault rifle.

I’d be driving round the plains,  taking pics of the lions, giraffes, elephants etc and shooting any dentists or lawyers that happened to have a gun in their hands.

I’ve never liked dentists.  What kind of sadistic freak chooses a career pulling teeth and giving fillings for a living!! 🙂
If your house was on fire and you could save one item, what would it be?

Old family pics.   Invaluable memories.

Like me,  you’ve probably got a drawer full of them. I should scan these really and back them up somewhere.  Sharing them on Facebook would be a good idea.
What one appliance or piece of technology could you not live without?

My iPad or iPhone,  it’s like having the world in your hand being able to read the news,  see what’s happening in the world,  talk to friends and family and see the shit they put on Facebook. 🙂

It’s very reassuring when family are posting shit,   It gives a good indication that all is well in their world.

Pics of their dog, cat or fun nights out is much better than seeing those relationship posts .. how important is to feel valued etc.

Then you know they have trouble!
Are you a beer, wine or spirit drink person?

I’m not a huge drinker,  but mostly beer, Peroni or Stella,  occasionally cocktails preferably French Martinis and the odd bottle of Prosecco most weekend.

Did I mention that I’m not a big drinker?
Name your favourite sweet/candy and why?

Snickers, always loved them and love nuts. So easy choice.

Only downside is having contact with dentists!!  🙂
Which one would you be a candle or a light bulb and why?

Hhhhmmmm bit of a surreal question.

Err …I prefer the glow or scent of a candle but will choose light-bulb as I burn bright and can be turned on ( or off ) easily. 🙂

My nominations are :-

Zebrakat – As I enjoy her reading about her journey and admire her courage despite suffering from all the pain of having Cancer. Continue reading “Leibster Award Nomination. #Humour”