Friday – Both Ends Burning!


Friday again .. don’t you just love it!!

Did you like my last post ..  I’ll bet that you didn’t enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it and putting my head in that situation?

Today .. Tickets For An Evening With Bryan Ferry go on sale at the Royal Concert Hall and The Usher Hall.

I’ve booked my favourite seats already ..  you know the ones .. Roxy and Bowie ..  some of the music I grew up with .. how could I miss?

My favourite Roxy song is Both Ends Burning .. you can feel the passion in the lyrics .. it makes the skin on the back of my neck feel hot!.

Please don’t ever let me down
‘Cause you know I’m not so sure
Do I have the speed to carry on
Burn you out of my mind, I know
You’re a flame that never fades
Jungle red’s a deadly shade
Both ends burning, will the fires keep
Somewhere deep in my soul tonight
Both ends burning
Burning …..
Burn …..

My favourite off beat song of theirs is If There Is Something .. whih is complete pish til 1 minute and 40 seconds then kicks up a gear.

I would do anything for you
I would climb mountains
I would swim all the oceans blue
I would walk a thousand miles
Reveal my secrets
More than enough for me to share

Fantastic live. – Filmed in Glasgow apparently .. they were fantastic 2 years ago when I last saw them

Anyways .. whoever you are,  whatever you do .. have a great weekend .. get your tickets booked ..

Me ..I’ve already started my Christmas shopping,  My daughter’s new iphone5 arrived yesterday and she has it at school today ..  big softie eh?

Tonight a curry in Shawlands with my pal,      I feel like going dancing.   Don’t really care where .. unlilkely tho!!   😦

Tomorrow  Christmas shopping in Glasgow,  Sunday going to Edinburgh for the day,  Christmas Markets and The Dome for dinner later on.

Take care of you!


Part 18 – All Mine!

I can’t believe how good this feels,  she makes me feel that I could fly. No wings required as my being soars into the stratosphere

At this moment the blood,  or more specifically the endorphines and dopamines are bouncing around my head.   Those little molecules of pleasure that we unknowingly crave,  that without modern science we wouldn’t even know existed.

It’s a drug,  not the hormones, not that euphoric feeling when your back arches and your eyes roll over.

It’s the feeling of closeness,  that for that time there is nothing else happening in the world and no one else matters.

She lies there smiling and flushed beside me,  just a moment ago,  she was beneath me.

The pale skin of her neck and chest glowing where the corpuscles have opened letting blood flow to her skin to help her cool down.  But it’s not working.

Her smile is wide,  her hair slightly matted as it falls across her face and she blows a strand away.   I take the hint and push it away for her.

In a passing thought,  I wonder why she needs to cool down. When it was me doing all the work.

But then,  movement of any sort would be a little difficult in her current predicament.

“That was fantastic”. She says. Breathlessly.

“Yes it was”.  I smile and kiss her gently on the lips,   remembering how her body arched repeatedly as I pleasured her earlier.

Earlier .. but I can’t tell you how long ago as I’ve lost my sense of time.

I had been playing with her,  touching her,  kissing her all over,  teasing her then withdrawing,  refusing her the relief of climax that she wanted so badly.

On second thoughts,  her abdominals and thigh muscles had been working pretty hard and she had every right to look as breathless as I felt.

She was hardly an active participant,  but on reflection  it was partly her passive participation that made this so enjoyable.

We’d played a few games recently,  nothing more than a bit of fun really,  it had started when she had told me that’s she liked me holding her hands in position and then withdrawing them.   I liked that she always kept them where I’d left them,  or should I say placed them?

Usually it was above her head as she lay on the bed,  thrusting her pelvis into my face as I went down on her.   Occasionally it would be above her head against the wall as she stood in front of the mirror and I was behind her or to the side of her,  touching and teasing then fucking her against the wall.   My personal favourite was when she was face down,   her hands behind her back,  metaphorically tied.

Metaphorically tied ..

Do you like that?

I like that .. she could move her hands at any time .. but she chose not to .. how sexy is that?    Control and freedom at the same time.

Tonight was different,   tonight we changed the game,  toughened it up, tightened the controls and lost the freedom,  but there had to be trust.

Last weekend,  as we lay entwined in our post-coital haze,  drinking tea, listening to some chill-out mix,  Beth Gibbons singing All Mine,  so cool and haunting,  the line about being tethered and tied seemed to have some deeper meaning and she told me that she would like to try this for real.    She wanted to feel powerless and controlled and that she trusted me that I wouldn’t hurt her.

She knew that I was a gentle man  that pain wasn’t my style,  why would it be when you can give so much pleasure?

I’m a guy,  I get my pleasure anyway,  but that’s far  too easy,   pleasing my partner is what does it for me,  so how could I refuse an invitation like this?

An invitation or a command?   Is she passively controlling me?    Maybe but I don’t really care!!

So we looked online and had a good giggle at some of the stuff that’s available out there,   you wouldn’t believe some of it and you wonder what people get up to and what it takes for them to get their rocks off.

But serious mode,  seriously figuring out where we both wanted to play,  what was our level?     What served its function without being excessive.

We’d ordered online and had it delivered to my address,  we both have kids,  but her boys are likely to open the packaging, where as my daughter wouldn’t even be interested at another package arriving.

When I called her on the Thursday night she was excited and scared,  me too,  a strange but natural combination and it would only intensify before the weekend and we put planning into practice.

We had met in town earlier,  she’d came in on the train and I took the car,  a Peroni for me and a few cocktails for her,  dinner in Browns,  giggling like kids about the toys and games we had ahead.

Home, but no rush,  Santa had already been, but she didn’t know that I had already been busy.   I’d opened the box and made all the preparations.

Tea or wine?   Dumb question really.   The wine wins.  Prosecco and piano.   Kissing, singing,  playing it slow,  she still doesn’t know.

So I take her upstairs,  into the master bedroom,  it’s exactly as it should be,  nothing to see there.

Nothing except the box,  sitting on the bed,  I let her open it,  but it’s empty.  She looks at me surprised.

I say nothing,  but take her by the hand to the spare bedroom,  where I have been busy.

She looks pleasantly surprised as I open the door and the candles light up the room.  Flickering,  the restraints on the bed dark against the white sheets.

I lead her to the foot of the bed, she’s smiling and looking round the room but hasn’t said a word.

“What do you think?”  I ask her,  hoping  that she won’t woose out so close to the moment we’d looked forward to.

“You have been busy,  you kept that quiet”

“I wanted to surprise you”

“You certainly did that”  She says as she kisses me hard on the lips.

We stand there kissing for a minute or two,  I can feel myself stiffen against her,   my hands are on her neck and back, as I search for the zip at the back of her dress.

She feels  what I’m doing and makes it easy for me,  undoing the clip and the first few inches of the zip,   then turns and puts her arms to her side as I unzip her and let the dress fall to the floor.

I push away her hair and kiss her neck, as she turns to face me,  kissing harder and unclipping her bra with one hand,  she always smiles at that,  she says I’m too good.    I’ve had lots of practice.

As we had agreed in our late night phone calls,  she is now wearing just a black silk thong and black sheer hold-ups,   stockings are fun but too much fuss and tonight I don’t want anything getting in the way.

I take her by the hand and she climbs on to the bed,   not a word is spoken as she lies down flat on her back,  she moves herself  to the centre of the bed, points her toes towards the bottom and almost ceremoniously opens her arms and moves her hands towards the restraints.

She looks like some submissive angel.  Her face is a picture of calmness and serenity,  head straight,  arms wide,  but her eyes following my every move.

I can see from her expression that she is enjoying the game,  enjoying me playing with her,  knowing she will be pleased at every step along the way.

I kiss her gently,  affectionately,  holding my weight with my left hand as I run my right from her thigh to her breast,  cupping it in my hand and squeezing then leaning over to kiss and tease each nipple for just a moment.   Just enough to make them hard and erect.

Sitting back up,  I take her left hand in mine and clip it into the soft velvet restraint and fasten the Velcro tightly around it,  but not too tightly,  this is abour restraint,  pleasure not pain.   Her face is impassive as she watches my every move, does not move an inch.

Our eyes are locked as I walk around to the other side of the bed and lock her other hand in position.

“You look amazing” I tell her, “So very very sexy”

“Thank you,  we like to please”

“Oh you are doing that”

I stand at the foot of the bed,   and rip my shirt open,  she laughs out loudly.   I’m glad she did as I had planned that deliberately ..  For fun,  to lighten the moment.   Its a pastiche of some porn movie and done just for a laughs,   It was to remind ourselves that its a just a game,  its not to be taken too seriously.  I’m glad it worked.     The shirts is on poppers so no damage done.

I strip to my boxers,  my favourite tight white lyrca boxers,  supportive and hold the shape,  dropping all my clothes were they fall and lie beside her,  making sure that I don’t lean heavily on her arm,  kissing her then stroking her body, she is so aroused that she almost rises towards my fingers as I run them gently over her body.

I move between her legs,  straddling her,  pushing her breasts together and kissing and sucking each of her nipples in turn.  Trying to get both in my mouth at the same time.    Her breathing is changing, deeply now and I am enjoying the affect I’m having on her.

I slide down the bed,  kissing her tummy,  for a moment I stop and suck her through the matieral of her panties.  Then kneel up,  making sure I have her attention then tugging her thong down her thighs,  she lifts her bottom of the bed,  holding my gaze,

I always love this moment.  Always have.   Its the moment of truth where the Get-Out-Of-Jail card can be played or its Green lights all the way!

I gently open her legs and kiss her gently,  just a little,  the deftest touch of my tongue just to taste and let her know whats ahead.

She leaves her legs where I’ve placed them as I climb off the bed,   neither of us speaking,  but I can feel the slight tremble of excitement as I lift each of her ankles and clip it  into the foot restraints.

But now she lies there,  exposed and naked before me her arms wide and her legs spread.

She does look angelic,  serene, calm.   I just couldn’t imagine myself beiug so subdued if our positions were reversed.

I kneel before her,  my head between her legs,  kissing her,  opening her lips and sliding my finger inside her as I lick her clit.

She moans softly and lifts her pelvis off the bed,  as I suck her and push my finger inside just a little further.

I can feel her getting wetter and the tinniest little squirts on my face from somewhere as she thrusts against me harder.

I’m enjoying this,   teasing her,  feeling how close she is,  but not letting her finish.

I kneel up and move beside her, kissing her hard on the mouth, letting her taste just a little of herself,  I like that.

I take a gulp of the Prosecco and let it dribble between us,  faling from my mouth to hers as she opens up to accept it.

“Fuck me” she says,  “I want to feel you inside me”

“Yes I know,  but we’ve barely started and we have all night”.

I’ve been looking forward to this and I’m in no rush.


This is Part 18 of my completely fictional ( No- honest ) Online Dating story – For Part 1,  click below.

If Peroni Did Mills And Boon!

Part 17 – The Tipping Point or Friends With Benefits?

What would you do?

Would you stick with a relationship which was hardly ideal but were you had invested lots of time and effort?

Or would you cut and run?

How do you decide?

They call it the tipping point,  the point were the bad outweighs the good and in your head you think that’s enough, even if in your  heart you still care for that person.

The tipping point.

When staying in the relationship is harder and brings less joy than being back on your own again.

Your heart says that you are still in love,  but your head says,  that you’re being a fool and its time to move on.

Okay,  its not her,  its her kids,  they are seriously getting me down, Jesus honestly,  on one hand their not bad kids but when they don’t get what they want they morph into spoiled brats.

The middle one in particular. What a completely obnoxious little shit he is,  if he was mine I’d have booted his arse big style.

Metaphorically obviously but no way would I be giving into their demands.

Of course, she panders to them,  you tell her that she is pandering,  buying their compliance. She agrees and says that you’re  right and the next thing you know is that she’s repeating the exercise.

That just doesn’t work,  kids need to learn respect,  that they can’t just get everything they want and if you say NO it means NO.

You can’t just relent and buy them what they want just because they’ve thrown a temper tantrum.

What does that do?

In the time since I’ve met the kids it’s got worse instead of better.  They definitely were in best behaviour when we first met.  Now all I feel is that they are jealous that I have some of her attention and act up at any opportunity.

I’ve tried to say nothing, bite my tongue,  even although if they had been my kids there would have been grounded for weeks.

None of that sending them to their room nonsense. That’s no punishment nowadays. Not when kids have tv, games and the Internet to talk to their pals.

You need to go in hard,  show them who’s boss. Take all their gadgets away.  It’s a punitive measure,  it doesn’t work if you don’t enforce it or cave in after ten minutes.

Right enough!   But I’m pissed off!

To be fair, to put things in perspective,   apart from her kids everything else is pretty good.

Better than good!

She is some girl,  kind and generous,  pretty, attractive and very sexy.

We do lots of nice things together,  more concerts and dancing than restaurants, but that’s how I like it.

Did I tell you she was very sexy?

I love when she comes over to mine dressed for action,  when we have our hands all over each other and are fucking at the front door.

Or when we are out for dinner and she goes to the loo and hands me her panties.

Is it wrong to admit that I love it when they are slightly moist and smell of a combination of her perfume and feminity?

I’ve realised that our best times are always when we have time alone with no kids.

A hotel is fun,  usually dinner and dancing.

Although if I’m honest it prefer when we are at mines.  Cuddling on the couch,  Chinese and a DVD is lovely.   She likes that.

But it’s the privacy I like,  I love it when I make dinner and she arrives dressed in a basque and stockings, sitting at my dining table. I can look but I can’t touch.

The anticipation is overwhelming.    Looking at each other,  knowing what we are going to do,  but doing nothing,  just simmering, letting the heat build up.

We both know it will happen,  so why rush?

Maybe that’s where I should leave things.  At that level,  just good old fashioned fun. no kids,  no plans for the future,  just friends with benefits.

Friends with benefits?

I had another friend, not so long ago,  who said that we were friends with benefits and she left because she thought thats all it was.  If only she knew that I was crazy about her.  I changed my life for her.  Changed it too late,  its not as if I didn’t have my chances.

I’m sure she left because she hit her tipping point and it wasn’t easy for her,  but thats another story for another day.

But thats in the past, here we are now and at this time,  in this story,  I’m happy to be FWB,  I can deal with that.

I Love Fridays – I Feel Like Fred Astaire!

Friday again!!!

I love Fridays.


Cos I hate working!

Actually that’s not exactly true.  I used to enjoy work and still get an intellectual challenge from it. That keeps it interesting.

But I’ve been doing this for so long in different places, banks, utility companies, engineering that I’m not challenged and I can do this in my sleep.

Being well paid helps tho!

Given the choice,  this shit or some other shit for half the money,  I think I’ll stay were I am!

But I’d much rather be on a beach!

Today, iPhone in random mode playing songs from my feel good playlist.

A roll and sausage, potato scone and brown sauce in the way up to the office.

Headphones on all day!

Today,  James tickets go on sale at 10am.  I’m really looking forward to seeing them in April next year,  might go and see them elswehere too.

James,  such a talented, but underrated band.  Great songs of love and lust.  Upbeat and poignant.

A few samples from the last concert at the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall below ..

If you look really closely,  I’m in there somewhere with a dear friend of mine.

Sing with me …

I believe in happiness
I believe in love
I believe she fell to earth
From somewhere high above
I believe in hollywood
Dont believe that love must bring despair
Cos when I hold her in my arms
I feel like Fred Astaire

Isn’t that superb?

Sometimes …. When I look deep in your eyes … I can see your soul!

Tonight, dropping the wee one off at her mums then meeting my mate in Shawlands for a curry.

Maybe a late night beer,  who knows!

I love Fridays!

Part 16 – Spending too much time together!

It was Monday night,  my mate John and I are having a beer in The Orchard Park Hotel in Giffnock,  our regular Monday night catch up after playing badminton.

It used to be football,  5-a-side,  every Monday for the past 20 years,  but that was before I did my ankle in and he got fat!  🙂

Of course,  he blames it on the fags,  which I’m sure are a contributory factor,  particularly if you have ever heard a smoker first thing in the morning,  but he’s fair put the weight on since they had the kids a few years ago.

Funny thing is, his wife looks better now than she did before.    How does that work?

I get the beers in while he dilly-dallies outside sucking the last draw from his cigarette.  It’s a regular habit,  not the fag,  the dilly-dallying outside the pub.

He lives locally,  so he takes his car home and I drop him off later.   A pretty good result for him as I’ll have one beer and he’ll have 3 .. so why does he always only get the middle round?

As if I haven’t noticed.   He must notice too and its not like he can’t afford it.

But that’s mates,  that’s what you do,  you put up with their failings because at the end of the day,  their overall contribution is bigger than all the parts.

We’ve done lots together,  well separately,  the full divorce thing within a few years of each other,  both listened to the others ups and downs.  Been there with an ear and a beer.   A curry,  a chat, a few laughs and some good advice.  That’s what real mates do.

“So how did it go then?”

We had spoke about it previously,  different possible scenarios,  He had  been asked what I would do if she asked me to meet her kids.     Now that it had happened, he was keen to know if things went well.

“It was fine”.   Fine .. a safe reply, meaningless and nondescript.  Like the use of the word “nice” when you can’t thing of anything more descriptive to say.  Tells you nothing really.

The reality was I had lots to say, some good and some bad.  I just didn’t know if I was ready to say it,  to give away personal thoughts in these early days when my mind might change but his would be forever tainted by second hand first impressions.

Do you like that?  Second hand first impressions!   🙂

Just like old hand me downs,  these second hand memories are never yours and even if you try to make the best of them you’ll always know they were damaged by someone else.

I wanted to get a few things off my mind,  but at the same time,  not taint anything in his head and leave a lasting image of an issue that might change with time and get better in mine but will be forever damaged in his mind.

“Fine?   Is that it?”   He knows me too well to know I’m not the one word answer kind of guy.

“Well to be honest,  they’re not bad kids,  brought up well,  but they have been spoiled rotten”

“Is that not to be expected given the circumstances?”

“Well yes and no”   I’d already explained her circumstances to him as the relationship had developed.     I’d told him that she had made a rod for own back and that since they lost their dad she was overcompensating. Buying them too many things,  expensive crap which after 5 minutes they left at their arse and ignored.

“Okay,  so what happened?  Was dinner okay?”

“Yeah,  that was lovely,  it was good to meet them and they were obviously warned to be on best behaviour.    But it was after dinner that the problems started.   I couldn’t believe how demanding they are off her and got to be honest they were extremely rude at times”

“Rude in what way,  did they say anything to you?”

“No,  not directly,  just screaming and demanding her attention immediately,   One small example was the eldest son walking into the room where we were sitting chatting and playing music loudly saying what do you think of this song..   And that was the 15 year old.   Just plain rude”

“Did she do anything about that or say anything to them?”

“Well she said she liked it and that she would listen to it more later,  But my kids would never have done that.”     My kids weren’t angels,   but they seriously would never have done that,   Not sure why,  maybe just more aware of the rules and that I wouldn’t have accepted that.

“Don’t you just think that they were trying to show off a bit because you were there?”

“I had thought about that,   I’m sure that was the case with the wee one who was showing me his football trophies and asking if I wanted to play football with him in the garden”

“That’s sounds positive,  did you give him a game?”

“Yeah, of course,  I was on best behaviour too!”    You can’t be one-sided on these things,  you have to make the effort or else you’re not playing fair.

“Brilliant,  bet he beat you”  my mate laughed knowing how competitive I was.

“Yeah yeah,  I let him win”   No honest I did!

He got the beers in and went for a fag,   I knew that she had been out running around on mum duties,   taking the boys to football training and guitar lessons.    I took the opportunity to sent her a text .. “Hi babe, hope you’ve had a good night,  I’m in the pub with John,  okay to call you later? x”

When he came back, we changed the subject,   spoke about our own kids,   how big his were getting and how my daughter was getting on at school.

Then the next concert we were going to, concerts or curries,  our regular habit,  sometimes both,  although I’d give up the curry for the concert any day.

Then of course there was football,  we are both Celtic supports, always have been,  always will be.   Life changes,,  circumstances change,  people come and go,  but your team will always be your team.

What I didn’t tell him, was that I didn’t know how very demanding they were of her time.

I didn’t want to spoil things,  leave some permanent damage of those hand me down memories.

The killer comment was when the eldest said that we spend too much time together.

Too much time?    You mean one night out not even every weekend where she doesn’t always stay over and one night during the week were the chances of her staying over are even less.

What kind of relationship is that?

I understand the circumstances,  I know she is on her own and relies on her mum for baby sitting and her mum can’t always be bothered,  Having experienced the kids,   I couldn’t always be bothered either!!

To be fair, it does kind of suit me,   I have my daughter most of the week.   I can’t exactly just disappear at the drop of a hat,  but I can get out most nights and have weekends on my own.

I don’t mind only seeing her a few times per week.  I don’t even mind if she goes home on the Friday night because she has things to do with the boys in the Saturday morning.

What I do mind is the boys casting up that we spend too much time together when I’m already making allowances for the fact that she is in her own with no one to share the load.

I’ve got the feeling that this is only going to get harder.


This is Part 16 of my fictional Online Dating story – For Part 1,  click below.

If Peroni Did Mills And Boon!

All That Jazz – Bring On The Dancing Girls!

Hello to you!!

Its wednesday .. my team struggled in the Champions League last night .. completely gutted.   Benfica 2 – Celtic 1.

Its all to play for in the final match of the Champions League stages at Celtic Park against Spartak Moscow.

If Celtic win we go into the last 16 of the competition,  but win or lose we are guaranteed European Football after Chriistmas.

Benfica 2 – Celtic 1

I’m really looking forward to the game,  but thats in a fortnight.

Tonight,  my two daughters and I are going for a bite to eat and then to see Chicago at The Kings Theatre,  Glasgow.

Not my favourite musical,  but I loved the 2002 oscar winning film with Catherine Zeta Jones and Renee Zellweger.   How gorgeous is CZJ?

I also love Bob Fosse’s direction and vibrant choreography,  particularly in Sweet Charity and Cabaret.

In fact Shirley MAclaine in Sweet Charity has to be one of my all time favourites,   songs like Big Spender,  Someone Loves Me, If My Friends Could See Me Now, I’m a Brass Band and The Rhythm Of Life with Sammy Davis Jnr .. Fantastic.

I’m pleasantly surprised that my girls love these films,  they loved Dirty Dancing and we are looking forward to seeing it in Edinburgh again soon.  My elder girl loved Les Mis back in September..

It really makes me smile as I used to watch these musicals with my mum when I was a kid.

Hopefully someday, they will show their kids these old films and remember these times.

Thats my dancing girls!!


Wild Is The Wind – Let Them Know!

Good morning to you,

6am and been up since 3,  well woke up at 3, but got up at 4,  made tea and put a wash on .. Someone has to!

My late night taxi services on Saturday night caught up with me and was sleeping at 9 last night.

I’m now drinking tea and watching a recording of Bowie at the Beeb.

What a man he is,  beautiful hero of my lifetime.   Looking great and comfortable in his own skin,  how good is that?  To feel at home with yourself, relaxed and happy with who you are.

The man effortlessly oozes cool!

Personally I wonder how he looks so good!

I love the song Wild Is The Wind,  so haunting, heart wrenchingly desperate in it’s longing.

Love me, love me, say you do.   Let me fly away with you

For my love is like the wind and wild is the wind.

Give me more than one caress,  Satisfy this hungriness

Let the wind blow through your heart, For Wild is the wind

Wild is the wind.

Once upon a time,  it seems not so long ago,   lying in bed in the early hours singing this with someone very special.

Seemed like it would last forever … at the time!

I know she is out there somewhere,   I know she is happy,  I’m happy for her.

Isn’t it funny how music can make you think of people and moments.

If you are lucky,  you have your memories too,  hopefully yours are as special to you as mines are to me.

No bitterness,  no regrets,  if you ever loved someone you were lucky, even if it fell apart later.

Take care of yourself whoever you are and if you love someone,  let them know.

Life is too damn short.



Black Panties And Sensible Conversations!


Friday again .. happy mode .. go on smile FFS!!

I feel good .. I always do .. my joie de vivre is shining through.

Really pisses the grumpy bassas in here right off .. do I care?

So .. its friday,  that means its dress down day at work and I’m playing random tunes on my iphone.

Cheesy feel-good crap,  songs of passion and lust .. A selection from youtube below.

This came on,  I hated this in the day, I still hate the chorus .. but feel that passion.

I feel the magic in your caress
I feel magic when I touch your dress
Silk and satin, leather and lace
Black panties with an angel’s face

I see magic in your eyes
I hear the magic in your sighs
Just when I think I’m gonna get away
I hear those words that you always say

Whatever you are doing this weekend .. I hope you have fun.


I have no plans .. not a thing. Well not really.

Tonight – Its been a long week so I’m staying in,  I have the munchkin at mines.

Tomorrow –  I have an Opticians appointment at 3 for my daughter then will take her to her mums.

Tomorrow night – Possibly an ex-work night out in Glasgow.

Actually its a day out,  the official meet is 2,  but some are meeting at 12.

Earliest I’d get there would be 6 and they will be scooped by then.

But 6, is way too early for ne ..  Was thinking of popping along later .. 9ish .. but probably too late for them or any attempt at sensible conversation!

But then .. who wants sensible conversations!!

Part 15 – Accepting The Inevitable?

The next morning, I woke up tired and bleary,  I should have been sleeping instead of thinking,

Sometimes,  I think too much,  its a fault,  okay so I’m an intelligent guy,  but that had to be verging on self-harm,  why torrnent yourself like that?

Note to self .. STOP IT!!

I woke up thinking of her before my eyes had opened and focused,  but this time it wasn’t dark thoughts, at least not those dark relationship blues.  This time my hand was already where it wanted to be and I was hard and throbbing before I was even aware I was awake.

I could see her in my minds eye,  a fusion of memories passing through them, simultaneously and in quick succession.

Like I was fast forwarding,  browsing throw my personal sky+ memory recorder for a particular vision to stimulate what didn’t need to be stimulated,

The first time we made love,  the first time I kneeled above her and puled her panties down her legs as we held each others gaze.

Kneeling between her thighs and sliding a finger inside her as I licked and finger fucked her to climax,  then did it again with my cock.

Her riding me,  her tits bouncing, then squeezing and sucking her nipples as she makes herself come.

Fucking her doggy style over the end of the bed,  holding her hips and gently pulling her hair as we watch each other in the mirror.

That did it,  that lit fuse,  it didn’t take long to finish,  I pushed the bedclothes away as I came over my tummy almost breathless.   Holding myself tightly until the sensations stopped and the throbbing pulse subsided.

I lie back and relax, but my thoughts are still with her, if she was here we would be cuddling up together and smiling,  me lying on my back and her lying on her side and half on my chest,  her hand holding my cock,  just teasing it gently.

I’m crazy about her,   I know it,  I feel it,  I just don’t want to set myself up for a fall.

I better make that call.

But first things first,  I head down stairs ad put the kettle on,  throw a tea bag in a mug and grab the milk and pour some fresh orange from the fridge,  the innocent stuff,   I’ve never liked anything fake,  goes against the grain.

While the kettle boils I go through to the dining room and sit at the piano,  I’m procrastinating,  wasting time,  I know it,  its a bad habit,  but I’d rather get what I have to say right in my head first.

I play a couple of tunes,  nothing special,  somehow or other I am playing songs that make me think of her.   Songs that I’ve played and she has sang along with or that I’ve learned because I know she likes them.

How did that happen?

As I said,  I’m crazy about her ..    Just admit it .. accept it .. what is it they say?      That the quicker you accept the inevitable the quicker you move on.

Yeah,  but I need to talk to her too .. a serious talk.

I make the tea,  finish the OJ and head upstairs,  climb into bed and grab the phone.

She answers on the second ring.

“Hey, honey,  good to hear from you,  I thought you might have been sleeping when I sent you my text last night”

“Yeah, sorry I missed it”,  I lied avoiding the schoolboy mistake of jumping in to early conflict,  better to keep things light first.

“Doesn’t matter,  I’d been thinking about you and thought I’d send a message”

“Thanks babe, that was really nice of you,  hope it was all good things that you were thiinking?”

“Of course,  I was wishing that you were lying there beside me” … Fuck, this isn’t goging to be easy.

“Thats lovely,  I was thinking about you too”  ..  Although maybe not in exactly the same way that she had been thinking of me.

How do you know when someone is thinking of you?  Or indeed what they are thinking?

What if you make a rash decision and walk away cos you are scared of getting hurt just when they want to hold on?

“What were you thinking?”   She asks.  I can feel the question in her voice and know that she wants reassurance.

“I was just thinking about all the things we’ve done together” I said keeping it as clean as possible.

“Have you been bad this morning?”   She saw right through me and I could feel the smile in her voice.

“Bad?  No I was pretty good!!”

“What are you like!!”

“You know what I’m like!!”  .. That is a fact!

“Wel I hope you were thinking of me?”

“Of course baby,  who else would I be thinking about?”    .. Completely honestly,  I’ve never been one for thinking of anyone else apart.

“Well I’m glad,  I had a wee think about you earlier too” .. She whispers,  obviously conscious that someone might here on her side.

“Thats my girl,   how was your night with Lynn?”

“It was great thanks,  we had a good laugh and a nice chat”

“Great, I’m gad that you had a good night,  are you doing anything today?”

“Actually,  I was thinking of asking you along to dinner with me and the boys?”

“Wow,  thats a a bit of a change ..”

“Well I thought it would be good for you to meet them,  they’ve heard so much about you and have been asking”

“Yeah,  well okay then,  thank you,  that would be lovely,  anything you want me to bring?”

“No,  its fine,  I’ve already got in plenty”

“Okay,  I’ll bring a bottle of wine and wee something for the boys”

“Good idea,  I’ll make sure that they are on best behaviour”

“No, just let them be themselves,  I’m sure it wil be fine”

We said our good-byes and hung up,  I feel quite warm inside and last nights torment is almost forgotten.

Maybe I’ve been worrying about nothing?

Maybe …   But this is a new step,  this can only take the relationship in a new direction.   I sensed from her voice and attitude  that something has changed,   but that can only be for the good .. right?

What was I saying about accepting the inevitable?   🙂


This is Part 15 of my fictional Online Dating story – For Part 1,  click below.

If Peroni Did Mills And Boon!

Part 14 – Reasons Seasons And Lifetimes.

What to do?

Its late again and I’ve been lying awake for hours thinking aboiut her.

I love her to bits,  more and more each time we meet.  Thinking about her makes me warm inside.  I don’t mean the lustful throbbing feeling in the loins,   I get that too,   I mean a deep longing feeling in my chest as it fills with pride that she’s my girl.

Okay we haven’t actually used the L word yet.  It’s been on the tip of my tongue on quite a few occasions.  But I’ve been hesitant to say it in case I’d said it too soon and it burst the magic bubble we’ve been living in.

I know she’s been hurt,  I know she’s had her moments of doubt.    But since that one comment on Friday night  I’ve been asking myself can she still be in the rebound 2 years afterwards?

How long does it take?  Am I some transient person who has helped her over her grief?  An I wasting on my time on something which will dissolve once she’s healed and back to her natural self?

I’ve argued with myself, accepted that at surface level she is more attractive than me,  more attractive than anyone I’d hoped to meet and while it was good I knew I’d hang on as long as possible.

But now,  I’m not so sure,  is that the cracks in the relationship starting to show?

Does she want more than I can provide,  I never though of her as shallow,  not someone who would make a relationship based on looks alone,  but now I’m no longer sure.

I’ve read all the usual relationship stuff.  Not the bullshit stuff that guys talk about,  equating sex with love.  even although they are meant to be able to seperate easier.  Guys talk more about what they do rather than how they feel.    Thats too simplistic,  too easy,  no wonder women get frustrated with them.

So I have spoke to my female friends.   They are very wise. Much wiser than the usual grunt and offer of another pint from my pals.

Women are much better at dealing with relationship issues.  Im not exactly sure why,  maybe because men can be such arseholes?

My friend Elizabeth,  former colleague and long time single,  more relationships than I’ve had hot dinners,  well okay holidays and I’m normally away a couple of times per year.  She’s pretty switched on and made a good point.  She said that we meet people for Reasons, Seasons and Lifetimes,

I like that.  I get it .. its simple enough for me to understand.  I wonder which one if these I’ve become to her?

I’m starting to think its a reason and season, certainly not a lifetime. Just long enough to help her get over her grief and move on to better things,  or at least just move on.

If that’s the case then,  I honestly wish her well. Good luck I say with an honest heart. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.   Sometimes you have to be the bigger man and let go.  You have to put the other person first and let them go even if it hurts.   What is it that they say, If you love someone set them free,  yes I could do that,  I’d want her to find what she’s looking for.

I just don’t know if I want to do that just yet.   Maybe I’ll put my shields up a little,  not go in too deep and have a wee bit more fun first .. let what will be,  be .. and if she calls it off then I’ll not be so hurt.

Or maybe I should just speak to her about it.    Like most men,  I’m rubbish at that,   opening up wounds and conflict,  why do it unless you have to?

Jeez .. thats one thing that goes against my principles to do nothing .. to sit and wait on the inevitable,  its so unacceptably weak.    I’d rather face it up and get it out in the open than keep it under cover because the cracks will show eventually.

Just got her text,  2am and she’s “missing my kisses”,    Fuck .. I miss hers too but does that change anything?

Shes obviously had a few glasses of wine with Lynn and feeling a bit lonely.  I should reply but I’m not sure what to say.

I think I’d better speak with her.  I’ll call her in the morning.


This is Part 14 of my fictional Online Dating story – For Part 1,  click below.

If Peroni Did Mills And Boon!