Do you hear what I’m saying gotta say how I feel
I can’t believe you’re here but I know that you’re real
I know what I want and baby it’s you
I can’t deny my feelings because they are true
Gabrielle – Dreams
I love the soft warmth of the water as it envelopes me, it seems to caress me, kissing me everywhere simultaneously.
The bath is big enough for two, there’s lots of room to stretch when you’re alone. It was part of the design of the extension. A large en-suite and a bath almost the size of a double bed.
It’s late and the room is dark but seems to glow from the candles placed all around the bath, their scent a heady mix of jasmine, cinnamon and petiole. I love that scent, it takes me back to my childhood holidays in the country and the first boy I ever kissed. .
I wonder where he is now, if he made it through medical school and if he ever remembers those summer nights hiding from our parents and lying in the long grass overlooking Paignton shore.
For a moment, I’m back there, kissing him, running my hands through his long dark curls as his arms surround me, then fighting him away when he pushed his luck a little too far and crossed my limits.
Now and again I didn’t push him away, well not right away. It felt far too delicious to stop him and I was enjoying his soft kisses to my neck while he tried to slip his hand inside my bra. I knew he was trying it on but only part of me wanted to push him away. I didn’t want to stop those sweet kisses or his boyish fumbles. Not then, not now, not yet.
Those were different days, a bygone era where my curiosity as a young woman collided with the enforced morality of an all girl Catholic education.
Boys were to be avoided at all costs. Well so they said, but that just seemed to make them even more interesting.
Now those kisses come with a different manly appeal as my lover dries my skin. I stand naked before him as he caresses me with warm towels, drying me and kissing me everywhere he touches as he dries. His lips lingering for moments with every kiss and longer where he knows his lips will have the desired effect.
I guess boys need to learn too, those rushed fumbles of my first lover were so naive and hopeless compared with the subtle touch of my new lover.
Back then at the holiday club, hiding from my parents and my younger sister. Feeling brave and pretending to be grown up as we drank the cider that he’d bribed his elder brother to buy.
It was the last night of our holidays and our last night together. Somehow It just felt so right to let him make love to me, pulling him closer, feeling him push inside me. His breathing hard in my ear as his thrusts became more urgent.
His lustful cries as he came inside me. Feeling his weight shift and his head on my shoulder as he breathily kissed my ear telling me he loved me. Smiling and knowing that although he wasn’t completely lying, he wasn’t in love either. Then kissing him, holding him close and smiling as I knew I was no longer a child.
He walked me back to my chalet, kissing at the end of the block, his hand sliding up inside my t-shirt to feel my breasts through my bra. I could feel his hardness against me and I knew he wanted more but it really was time to go.
We did have some contact afterwards. Some letters and the occasional phone-call but he was at university and I was at school and we lived so far apart. I don’t think of him often but when I do, I always smile. I hope his life turned out the way he wanted.
With hindsight, his energy was more impressive than his stamina, technique or consideration. But back in that field, I had wanted him, holding him close to me, smiling and knowing that my life would never be the same.
Now in the bathroom, I’m almost dry and his eyes hold mine as he helps me step out of the bath and leads me to the bed, kissing me then laying me down. His hands and tongue are everywhere, squeezing and kissing my breasts then moving their focus between my thighs as I hold his hair, pushing him towards me.
I’m smiling now, sleepily touching myself, feeling the intensity grow as I reach my climax. I’m thinking about my new man, his tender kisses and how he loves to pleasure me, My latest lover is so different to my first or to any other lover that I’ve had since.
I think I am probably the same, it’s all part of growing up, growing as a person, putting other people before yourself. But conveying your needs too and not accepting less than you deserve.
I think he understands that, I’ve no doubts that he does as he always makes the effort.
He’s a decent man. He’s been around the block, made his mistakes and learned from them. I’ve made mine too. It’s true what they say, what doesn’t kill you make you stronger.
I wish he was here right now beside me, lying here, kissing my breasts and touching me. His touch delicate and light and so at odds with his physical strength.
But it’s more than that, I want him for him, I want to hold him and talk to him, I want to listen to his stories and tell him mine. I want to laugh with him and talk about life and music and all the things we would like to do.
Note to readers :-
This chapter is adding more depth to the story between existing chapters 14 and 15
13 – She’s wishing she hadn’t made one remark and is assessing what she wants from the relationship.
14 – He can’t sleep, agonising if she cares about him as much as he cares about her.
15 – He calls her in the morning for serious chat, but she turns his mind around
The new chapter 14.1 fits in there and is her fantasising about him and a comparison with her past and deciding to take the relationship forward to another level, which she alludes to in part 15.
She’s already done her agonising about moving the relationship forward. So it was written as a contrast between him agonising and her fantasising. It’s based on my experience, that you can never really tell whats going on in someones head in a relationship, you may think they want out, when really they want in, you have to communicate.