Kissing Like Strangers? … #poetry

img_5032

Lets just kiss like strangers
Like we used to once before
When we were young and nervous
And I walked you to your door

Lets just kiss like strangers
And smile each time we meet
I’ll hold your hand and open doors
When we are walking down the street

I used to bring you flowers
And I used to drive you home
Then in my dreams I’d kiss you
Although I was sleeping all alone

You used to make me dinner
And you used to pour my beer
But it seems like something’s changed
And I’m losing you I fear

Continue reading “Kissing Like Strangers? … #poetry”

Hell Hath No Fury?

Hell, hell, yet I’ll be calm.
Now the dawn begins
And so hand of fate is stretched to draw the vale and leave thee bare.
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned
No hell a fury like the woman, scorned.

William Congreve – The Mourning Bride

The quote above often wrongly attributed to Shakespeare is used as the closing lines from the first episode of the recent BBC drama Doctor Foster starring the beautiful Suranne Jones in the title role as the woman cheated by her husband.

At first,  after she spots a blonde hair on her husbands scarf,  her mind us full of paranoia,  that knot in her tummy, natural overreaction,  suspecting his newly blonde assistant,  their friends.

When the opportunity presents herself, she checks his phone but finds nothing.

But the doubt doesn’t stop as she bumps in to his assistant at the school gates who tells her that her husband usually leaves at 5 and she locks up the office every day.

The next day,  she leaves work early,  parking outside his office,  then following him,  as he picks up flowers,  hoping to catch him with the other woman only to find him visiting his mother at her care home.

She’s obviously feeling guilty and its written all over his face,  which he notices.

They have a private chat away from his mother and she confesses that she was suspicious and followed him.

How stupid of her ..

Stupid for showing her hand too soon,  stupid for following him,  wasting that time when there are so many other checks she should have done without the chance of being spotted.

Continue reading “Hell Hath No Fury?”

More Strong Independent Capable #Women?

I don’t know if you  noticed it but “Clare’s Law”,  the Domestic Abuse Disclosure Scheme came into operation across the whole of Scotland yesterday. 

This scheme gives a partner or third party concerned about a friend or relative,  the right to apply for disclosure of their partners suspected history of domestic abuse or violent behaviour. 
In the six months of its trial period, there were 59 applications of which 22 resulted in disclosure.    

An indication that the majority of cases have 37 from 59 have no abusive history to disclose despite having suspicions. 

That doesn’t make them abusive,  or clear them,  it just means there is nothing to report. 

Either that or the person being reported is not actually abusive but the person applying may have their own malicious reasons to apply, possibly a third party trying to put the mix in. 

Unrealistic?  I don’t think so,  the pettiness, maliciousness and self interest of people never ceases to amaze me. 

Despite that,  having been on the receiving end of domestic abuse,  I’m all for disclosure,  it can only be a good thing.    If it saves one unfortunate soul then it’s fine it’s job. 

As a guy experiencing it,  it goes unreported because what guy would report it?    

You walk away.  Simple. 

Reporting it would only seem petty and result in lies and counter claims trying to justify the unjustifiable.   

It’s easier just to walk away particularly when you are capable of standing on your own two feet and have no ongoing dependency on the abuser. 

But here’s what I’m wondering,  at which point should a person have the right to pry into someone else’s, a partners background?

Define partner?   

Such a vague term,  clearly not someone you met last week,  so should that be based on the duration of the relationship?   

Or on the level of commitment?   I wouldn’t think you’d have to be living together to have concerns.  

Personally I think that it should it be because the person suspected of previous domestic abuse has demonstrated some dubious behaviour?
But if they have demonstrated dubious behaviour,  do you really need to apply for their history?

What if the person has no history to disclose?  

Does that make their behaviour any more acceptable?

Wouldn’t it be better just to get out of the relationship at the first sign of jealousy, controlling behaviour and/or verbal or physical abuse?

Okay,  that’s the ideal,  but it doesn’t really work like that does it?  

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if you’ve been in that kind of relationship,  then the one thing you know for certain is that  you wish you’d got out earlier in the relationship as the warning signs were there. 

How many times have you seen a friend in a long term relationship were they can’t be themselves because of a controlling or jealous partner? 

You listen to their stories and you’d like them out of it,  but they don’t leave,  either through fear of the consequences, fear of being alone or because they have emotional and financial commitments with that person, children, house, mortgage, financial dependence. 

Having listened to people’s stories over the years,  women in particular will put up with some amount of crap from an abusive or controlling partner because they’ve bought into the situation,  had kids,  it’s about more than them. 

If that’s the case the person doesn’t need disclosure,  they already know. 

What they need is support from friends, family and social services. 

In the longer term, If we take it as a given that unfortunately most perpetrators of domestic abuse are men,  then what we need is strong women who will not tolerate that behaviour and avoid being in a dependent situation by having their own career and income. 

Strong, independent, capable women that’s what I like and want my girls to be. 

If they happen to have a man in their life’s then it’s because they choose them,  because they want them, not because they need them. 
Background Info 

http://www.heraldscotland.com/mobile/news/home-news/scots-can-ask-if-partner-has-history-of-domestic-abuse-as-clares-law-is-rolled-out.1435744749

http://www.scotland.police.uk/whats-happening/news/2015/july/national-roll-out-of-domestic-abuse-disclosure-scheme-announced

Application form

https://www.scotland.police.uk/secureforms/disclosure/

Dads, Daughters, Mums and Proms.

I don’t often speak about my marriage ..

So why change that now!

Tonight is my younger daughter Claire’s 6th year prom,  she’s nearly 18,  sat her final exams and leaving school for university soon.

The past month or so she’s been making regular withdrawals from The Bank Of Dad for all things prom .. dress, shoes, bag,  hair, make-up .. other stuff I don’t need to know about .. the works.

You do this once .. so you do it right .. right?

The only fly in the ointment is that despite the girls asking her,  elaborating that she’d be more than welcome,  my ex Alison isn’t coming to see Claire off,  family pics and glass of bubbly.

Thats a real shame and the wee one has been quite upset and hoping she’d change her mind.

Alison and I were together a long time,  but the divorce was messy,  being self-employed I was financially shagged .. but thats okay .. as I once said to my Alison my ex .. it’s only money,   you can’t buy your soul.

Continue reading “Dads, Daughters, Mums and Proms.”