Wolf – Patience?


She’s fucking dead. 

She just doesn’t know it yet.  

Does she think she that she can steal from me and get away with it?

Really?

I mean, we aren’t talking a trivial amount here,  a full 6 figures is not to be sniffed st. 

That was my retirement fund. 

So how do you think I feel?

A fool and his money?

Too right I do. 

I trusted her,  helped her out in her time of need and this is the payback. 

The point being there is no payback. 

Not from her. 

A gift she says,  a fucking gift?

Who gifts six figure sums to ex-lovers?

Yeah maybe fucking Rockerfeller,  but not any ordinary working pleb. 

Not fucking me. 

Look at her sitting there smugly, brazenly,  holding hands with her new dick and lying her ass off. 

He’s got a smirk on his face. 

They  know that they have me at an advantage.  

It’s hard to prove a negative. 

It was a gift. 

No it wasn’t. 

Yes it was. 

Repeat. 

Things were running along nicely until this dick came on the scene.   We had an agreement and progress was being made. 

Now that counts for nothing.  So they say. 

Not with me it doesn’t.  My word is my fucking bond.  Good or bad. 

Do they think that they are going to steal from me and get away with it. 

No fucking chance. 

They’ve took advantage of my good nature and the fact that I still cared about her and abused my  trust. 

Yes I should have made it legal.  But I trusted her.  

Now do you see were trust gets you?

Trust fucking no one. 

There’s a life lesson for you. 

Not with your heart and definitely not with your money. 

Do they think that they can get away with this?

My lawyer says that I should have came to him sooner,   That I should have made a formal agreement at the time. 

Yeah fucking yeah.   Tell me what I don’t know. 

I already feel stupid.   

A fool and his money.  

But here’s the thing,    

Do they think that they can steal from me and get away with it?

That just isn’t going to happen. 

Even if legally they win,  morally they have stolen from me and there has to be retribution.   

My pride won’t allow it any other way. 

Anything else would be weak. 

Even if I win today,  they have attempted to steal from me and for that there has been retribution. 

Win or lose. They die. 

It’s just a matter of when, where and how. 

We already know the why. 

I’ve already gone to the mattresses,  shut myself off,  cut ties with the people I care about.    I don’t want them involved in this if it goes wrong. 

If they ever read this, then I hope they know why.   It’s not because I don’t care.   It’s because I need to sort this. 

I work and go home, live a quiet life. 

On the face of it. 

But that’s not me. 

That’s when I’m at my most dangerous. 

I’m planning and stalking.  This can’t go wrong.   There can’t be comeback or consequences.   It has to be planned. 

Last week, I watched him kiss her goodbye from a street away.   Followed him to his work. Later I followed him home. 

Then drove away.  

Thus can’t be obvious.  If something happened to either of them today where is the first place that they are going to look?

Patience is a virtue. 

Patience and planning make the difference between spending those retirement years with your grandchildren or Big Bob the axe murderer. 

Patience. 

No warning shots, no threats, nothing to give yourself away.   Nothing to let them see you coming. 

You’re a wolf.   Be a wolf. 

Patient, relentless, ruthless. 

Stalk your prey,   stay silent until you move in for the kill with power, aggression and surprise. 

She’s dead.   

She just doesn’t know it yet. 

 —

4am and wide awake. 

Wrote this, made tea, played piano.   

Teaching myself Half The World Away by Oasis.  Such a great song.   

I love the sentiment of checking out of the planet cos you just can’t stand it.  But not feeling down and at the end asking the listener not to feel down. 

I’d imagine that it would make a good funeral song,  leaving the planet in your old age because you can’t stand it,  but not being down about it and telling your loved ones not be down either. 

No I won’t feel down. 

Don’t feel down …

6am and still awake but eyes feeling heavy. 

The worst thing is when the alarm kicks in at 645,  I’ll not be able to keep my eyes open. 

Don’t feel down!  🙂

Advertisements

Wolf -4 – Cold

wolf

Revenge is a dish best served cold, so they say.

It’s a phrase quite often used in popular culture and another phrase reiterated in The Godfather.

I’d heard it when I was younger, but If I’m honest, I was never sure exactly what it meant?

But now looking back, I seem to have learned that lesson from life experience.

I guess it depends that each case is different and it depends on the particular circumstances at the time. Continue reading “Wolf -4 – Cold”

When Love Runs Dry? – Tempted?

WhenLoveRunsDry

6 inches and a million miles between them.

You can almost taste the venom in her stare.

So what happened?

Did he call it off or her?

A public embarrassment at this function perhaps?

Whatever has happened, She hates him.

But is it because she has had enough of the relationship or because of what he’s done?

He looks as if he has stated his case and got it off his chest, possibly apologised. But is now resigned to his fate as she has made her decision.

I like it because it’s typical Jack glamour with a twist.

We’ve all been there. 🙂

When Love Runs Dry – A painting by Jack Vettriano,  I’m a big fan,  he once laughingly called me a “Dirty Bastard” of which I”m proud!

That story is on here somewhere.

Tonight Squeeze play The Glasgow Royal Concert Hall.

I’m looking forward to all their classics,  particularly Tempted originally sang with Paul Carrack.

Maybe the pic inspired the lyric.

Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered!

Unsent Email To An Ex! . . . . #Relationships

Hi there,

Hope you don’t mind me contacting you, but I just wanted to say good-bye properly.

It really is a shame how things turned out for us, our relationship lasted so long and was a huge part of both of our lives, that to end so suddenly and over such a petty issue is really quite tragic.

I mean really?

How could you end it over something so small when you had done only the same thing the night before and I made no issue of it?

Okay, so you say that it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I can understand that, you had reached your tipping point.

But personally I think that you were just looking for excuses.

In actual fact, I’m pretty certain of it.

I just wanted to say that I really did love you. We came along way since those early days, crossed many hurdles when people thought that we weren’t suited and we wouldn’t make it .. We almost did.

However relationships need effort on both sides, unfortunately it seemed to be me that had to compromise all the time.

Which is very unfair, wouldn’t you agree?

Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?

In fact, although it hurt that you were so nasty to me, that you used me and threw me away like yesterday’s underwear. Now that a few months have passed I’m feeling pretty good. The weight has been removed from my shoulders and the blind-fold from my eyes.

It’s great to be living my own life again, seeing my friends without you constantly contacting me and demanding to know where I am and what I’m doing.

It’s great to be able to laugh and dance and even get a little drunk without knowing that I have to call you when I get home.

I’m loving living in my own house, sitting on my sofa and watching what I want on tv and not having what you want forced upon me.

Okay, I know you made a bit of an effort, I appreciate that, but I was a guest, a visitor, it was never going to work. Besides I hate Come Dine With Me and Don’t Tell The Bride and all that other mindless sh1t that you watch.

It’s also great not to have to keep reassuring you about your looks and being unable to offer constructive comment without having my head bit off.

So for the record, your ass is big and your tits are droopy .. Not that I would ever have told you as I loved you for more than your ass and tits.

I hear through the grape-vine that your seeing someone else, that sleaze-bag that you always said you hated, the one that cheated on his wife/your friend … how low can you go?

Yes I know he’s single and so are you .. you’re entitled to do what you want .. that’s fine by me.

I will confess to being curious to whether the two of you had got together before we split up, but I won’t ask, because you’d only lie.

I’ve decided that as I’ll never know the truth, I won’t lose any sleep on it .. and wish you well.

Just remember, once a cheat always a cheat .. but at least you know what you’re dealing with.

I honestly hope that it works out for you.

Anyways, all good with me, I’ve met someone too, an old friend got back in touch and things are going well.

The timing wasn’t right for us first time round but now that our circumstances have changed, we are having a great time of it.

It’s early days, but I’m a happy boy.

All the best, I won’t be in touch again.

X

Hey you, yeah you.

If this stimulated an emotional response with you, made you laugh, cry, angry or empathise then fantastic, I’m doing my job.

Just don’t confuse my writing with the real me.

Yes the above is based on fact. But so was yesterday’s poem. I write based on life experience as I’m sure most bloggers, authors and wannabe-authors do.

For me writing is cathartic, a therapeutic outlet of things I might never say.

Today’s is based on fact, but the email was never written never mind sent.

That’s history.

Wouldn’t it be good to write to your ex and tell them what you think?

That you’ve moved on and don’t want, need or love them any more?

Or would it be better just to break all ties and not give a fuck?

Personally I choose the second option.

Just for the irony ….

#Homeland – Achilles Heel

Saul is sitting on the couch at Elizabeth’s party alone while the party is in full chat mode around him.

Elizabeth: What are you thinking about?

Saul: I’m thinking about all the little things that happen in people’s life’s. Pull them together, split them apart, a million little events, coincidences, outside forces.

Elizabeth: Myra leaves tomorrow right? I know what it looks like, feels like. If you ever need to talk then I’m a good listener.

One small moment in a subplot half way through seasons 1 that demonstrates the quality of the writing

Great to be home, sleeping early, woke up on sofa and watching Netflix.

Old habits!

The Platform Lovers – Collections?

Charles closed the door of his den and sat on the leather captain’s chair,  pulling the laptop from its bag and waiting for it to jump into life.

This was his private place,  the one room in the house where Michelle or the kids hardly ever ventured,  largely because they were actively discouraged not to.

This was his room, full of the toys and memorabilia that a man with cash to spend had bought over the years.

The shelves were full of the toys that he’d collected as a boy,  then added to as a an adult.  The full Star Wars collection,  Hans Solo and Luke Skywalker standing either side of The Millennium Falcon aiming their blasters at Darth Vader while Princess Leia shelters behind them.

It was a childish pose,  didn’t he know that Leia was a strong , feisty, independent woman and would have blasted him in a second if she knew half of what he’d been up to?

The walls were adorned with photos from his boys weekends,  fishing, shooting Grouse and playing golf on a weekend at Gleneagles.   The fact that the boys were only there for the day and Geraldine had joined him in the evening for an intimate dinner and they’d stayed up half the night making love in each corner of the four-poster bed in their stateroom was strangely omitted from his collection of displayed memories.

There were photographs of his Harley Davidson which largely sat in the garage unused since he had found more stimulating toys to play with.  He liked to take it out and polish every now and then,   ride it to the end of the street and never further than round the block.

The Harley was just another toy,  another object to add to his collection,  just like the new collection he had started since he had gave Geraldine the push.

The room was never locked,  that would have drawn too much attention.

But he was aware that Michelle had become suspicious of his late nights,  sitting in his den until the early hours or out with “clients”.

She had been in the room a few times recently, looking through the few papers on the desk and in the drawers but there was nothing to see.

Or more accurately there was nothing to see unless Charles deliberately wanted her to see it.

Charles knew that Michelle occasionally spied on him,  he could feel her growing curiosity in the questions she occasionally asked about his client-nights,  asking where he had been and who he had been with.

That was a mistake,   it showed her hand too soon.

Friends close,  enemies closer,  that was how Charles liked to play it.

His father,  despite his general coldness had taught him well.

Back when he was a child,  his father had taught him not to do what the other boys do.

Never ever forewarn your enemy.

He’d seen this behaviour on many occasions since,  two boys fighting  in the playground,  more recently grown men making the same mistake of telling their opponent what they were going to do.

This was usually a sign of a fight being handbags at fifty paces .. and not going to come to anything.

I’m sure that you’ve saw this routine many times before?

Where both parties tried to threaten their opponent with bullshit hoping that the other guy would back down.

Then the pushing would start,  “I’m going to …”

Actually they weren’t.

What they were doing was hoping that either the opponent was a bigger coward or had more to lose than them and would back down or a passer-by, friend or accomplice would break things up before things had gone too far and a physical battle ensued.

I mean really?

Seriously .. who really wants a physical battle?

Do you think that grown men acting like kids over some stupid incident really want that?

Even if you win,  you lose,  no-one wants a black eye or an assault charge.

So it’s really all posturing, bravado and bullshit.

Charles was different,  he didn’t fight,  he didn’t get into trouble,  he spoke quietly, confidently and If there was a reason to do battle,  he chose his moment and hit his opponent with everything he had when they least expected it.

Until then,  schtum,  nothing,  bite your lip, smile and quietly make plans.

The lack of outward emotion would have made him seem cold-hearted to anyone if it wasn’t for the fact that he balanced this internal coldness with charm and humour at a surface level,  but he was only charming when it suited him,  when giving something up,  got him what he really wanted,  his black heart was as cold and ruthless as steel.

He logged into the laptop,  business first, pleasure later.

He started a browser and logged into the bank account for the new company he had started.

Somewhere upstairs in the darkness,  there was an almost imperceptible click as a record was written to a hard disk.

The contracts had been signed last year at Gleneagles,  reselling insurance was simple,  you buy  a package form the bigger company, form relationships with clients and they sign up to pay at a premium for a service that you front but the risk is mitigated elsewhere.

Michelle’s father, Robert,  had taught him the business,  he was disappointed that he hadn’t had a son and being an old-school gentleman, he didn’t think that his daughter and pride and joy Michelle would be interested or capable of running the business.

Charles was happy to learn and be part of this,  it offered him more rewards than he had ever dreamed of and his charm with Michelle’s fathers contacts had grown the business over the years.

Being a member of the right golf club and being able to give the right handshake helped,   it didn’t guarantee business but it always got you in the door.

Again Robert,  had been invaluable,  opening doors for him which would have remained close to him if he hadn’t met Michelle and chose a path towards a bright future rather than finding a boring job in an office somewhere.

The fact that he didn’t love her was neither here nor there,  he was always capable of picking up a bit on the side,  something to keep him amused until they became too close and he had to kill it off.

But people talk and he knew that Robert was aware of this,   that he didn’t condone it,  but as long as he didn’t bring it home and it was just a bit of fun then he’d turn a blind eye.

After all,  Robert had conspiratorially whispered late one Christmas day over a bottle of malt,  that he had done the same in his younger years stating that it was okay as long as it was meaningless it didn’t matter.   Robert leaned closer and whispered that he was sure that his wife knew about his affairs but turned a blind eye to it as long as everything was okay at home.

Then they laughed when Charles called him a crafty old bastard and Robert said that it takes a one to know one.

But time had moved on,  the kids were old enough now and it was time for him to break free from Michelle but first he wanted to ensure that his future was secure and the next years contracts were in place,  keeping the money rolling in while the divorce process runs its course.

Now he checked his emails,  waiting on the communication that the contracts would be renewed,  but there was nothing.  He’d give Alistair a friendly call in the morning asking if he wanted to join him for a round of golf on Saturday.  This may just stimulate the offer or at least get the last few points straightened out.  Alistair had already given him the nod that the contracts would be renewed,   it was just a matter of going through the process.

Alistair was head buyer for global company,  a valuable contact who had become a good friend over the years as they both enjoyed the high life and were always willing to provide alibis for each other.

They were like grown up teenagers telling their parents I’m staying at their friends house and vice versa.

Alistair had even borrowed Charles apartment on a few occasions for secret liaisons with whatever woman he was seeing.

Charles didn’t ask,   the unspoken rule was that you can never tell what you never know.

When Charles had explained the situation with Michelle and that he was thinking of starting divorce,   Alistair had been sympathetic and a good confidante.

When Charles suggested to him that he could provide the service that Michelle’s company currently provided,  with no cost difference to the company,  Alistair was more than happy to help a friend particularly if that helped him through a difficult situation and they carried on with their fun and games.

And so it had begun,  contracts had been signed,  Michelle’s loss was Charles’s gain.

When the new contracts came through,  he’d pull the trigger and get the divorce process under way.

He closed the browser and opened an explorer window,  browsing to his secret folder,  even although the laptop was kept under lock and key,  he didn’t like to take a chance.

He browsed past the meaningless rubbish and opened the encrypted zip file,  keying the password to access his latest memories.

The next 5 minutes he spent flipping through the images,  each one a memory from his recent past and more than enough to generate the necessary stimulation.

It was never as good as the real thing,  but if you can’t get it at home,  then it was a good second and he looked forward to more of the same after he had broken the matrimonial ties.

When he was finished,  he closed the laptop and put it back in the bag and pulled a couple of receipts from the coffee shops that he had visited,  meeting clients,  or meeting women,  it didn’t really matter,  as long as Michelle read them and he passed them to his PA later then he was playing the game of being seen to be doing the right thing.

He liked to think that he was meticulous in his deceit.

But there’s always a trace, particularly if you know how or where to look.

Michelle knew that there was no possibility of accessing Charles lap-top which he kept under lock and key most of the time, locking it in his desk drawer at night or the boot of his car when he wasn’t using it.

This had only made Michelle more suspicious and keen to determine what was on the disk and what he was up to.

She’d passed Alex from the investigations agency a spare set of keys and gave him the go-ahead to set up his equipment on a day that she had made sure Charles would be in the office all day.

Alex had been busy.

——

I enjoyed writing that,  writing about an out and out bastard is good fun .. and its going to get worse .. I’ve already started on something but saving that as its maybe a bit too much!

But right now I want to go and wash my mouth out with soap!!  🙂

Have a good weekend whatever you are up to!