Wolf – Last Christmas?

wolf

Of course I miss you, it would be stupid to think that I didn’t.

A couple of years together thrown away a puff of anger, hurt feelings and faux outrage.

Faux?

Because we are both proud people and although we were both in the wrong, our pride doesn’t allow us to apologise and climb down from our moral high ground very easily.

I know that I upset you, you know that you upset me, but is worth throwing away a bright future for the sake of some relatively petty issues?

Probably not.

So why are we allowing this to continue to fester and the distance between us to grow?

I’ve already said sorry. I don’t think I can do anything more.

How many apologies does it take? Continue reading “Wolf – Last Christmas?”

Advertisements

Wolf – Patience?


She’s fucking dead. 

She just doesn’t know it yet.  

Does she think she that she can steal from me and get away with it?

Really?

I mean, we aren’t talking a trivial amount here,  a full 6 figures is not to be sniffed st. 

That was my retirement fund. 

So how do you think I feel?

A fool and his money?

Too right I do. 

I trusted her,  helped her out in her time of need and this is the payback. 

The point being there is no payback. 

Not from her. 

A gift she says,  a fucking gift?

Who gifts six figure sums to ex-lovers?

Yeah maybe fucking Rockerfeller,  but not any ordinary working pleb. 

Not fucking me. 

Look at her sitting there smugly, brazenly,  holding hands with her new dick and lying her ass off. 

He’s got a smirk on his face. 

They  know that they have me at an advantage.  

It’s hard to prove a negative. 

It was a gift. 

No it wasn’t. 

Yes it was. 

Repeat. 

Things were running along nicely until this dick came on the scene.   We had an agreement and progress was being made. 

Now that counts for nothing.  So they say. 

Not with me it doesn’t.  My word is my fucking bond.  Good or bad. 

Do they think that they are going to steal from me and get away with it. 

No fucking chance. 

They’ve took advantage of my good nature and the fact that I still cared about her and abused my  trust. 

Yes I should have made it legal.  But I trusted her.  

Now do you see were trust gets you?

Trust fucking no one. 

There’s a life lesson for you. 

Not with your heart and definitely not with your money. 

Do they think that they can get away with this?

My lawyer says that I should have came to him sooner,   That I should have made a formal agreement at the time. 

Yeah fucking yeah.   Tell me what I don’t know. 

I already feel stupid.   

A fool and his money.  

But here’s the thing,    

Do they think that they can steal from me and get away with it?

That just isn’t going to happen. 

Even if legally they win,  morally they have stolen from me and there has to be retribution.   

My pride won’t allow it any other way. 

Anything else would be weak. 

Even if I win today,  they have attempted to steal from me and for that there has been retribution. 

Win or lose. They die. 

It’s just a matter of when, where and how. 

We already know the why. 

I’ve already gone to the mattresses,  shut myself off,  cut ties with the people I care about.    I don’t want them involved in this if it goes wrong. 

If they ever read this, then I hope they know why.   It’s not because I don’t care.   It’s because I need to sort this. 

I work and go home, live a quiet life. 

On the face of it. 

But that’s not me. 

That’s when I’m at my most dangerous. 

I’m planning and stalking.  This can’t go wrong.   There can’t be comeback or consequences.   It has to be planned. 

Last week, I watched him kiss her goodbye from a street away.   Followed him to his work. Later I followed him home. 

Then drove away.  

Thus can’t be obvious.  If something happened to either of them today where is the first place that they are going to look?

Patience is a virtue. 

Patience and planning make the difference between spending those retirement years with your grandchildren or Big Bob the axe murderer. 

Patience. 

No warning shots, no threats, nothing to give yourself away.   Nothing to let them see you coming. 

You’re a wolf.   Be a wolf. 

Patient, relentless, ruthless. 

Stalk your prey,   stay silent until you move in for the kill with power, aggression and surprise. 

She’s dead.   

She just doesn’t know it yet. 

 —

4am and wide awake. 

Wrote this, made tea, played piano.   

Teaching myself Half The World Away by Oasis.  Such a great song.   

I love the sentiment of checking out of the planet cos you just can’t stand it.  But not feeling down and at the end asking the listener not to feel down. 

I’d imagine that it would make a good funeral song,  leaving the planet in your old age because you can’t stand it,  but not being down about it and telling your loved ones not be down either. 

No I won’t feel down. 

Don’t feel down …

6am and still awake but eyes feeling heavy. 

The worst thing is when the alarm kicks in at 645,  I’ll not be able to keep my eyes open. 

Don’t feel down!  🙂

Wolf – Blood?

wolf

 

Have you ever noticed how far a single drop of blood spreads?

Maybe you’ve accidentally scratched yourself or cut yourself shaving, but the blood doesn’t easily stop and the vivid colour permeates everything it touches.

Why is it that when you cut yourself shaving, it’s always when you’re in a hurry?

Or do you cut yourself shaving because you are in a hurry and not being as careful as you normally would?

The worst part is that it won’t stop and as you get dressed, a piece of loo-paper stuck to your chin, it drops off and a drop of blood hits your white or blue work shirt spreading through the material and spoiling your look just before you leave the house.

That’s trivial. So you can imagine what it’s like when someone has a major trauma injury, the red stuff oozing or gushing from their wound all over your brand new flooring.

Inconsiderate bastards.

You’d think that they would have been more careful.

But was it really their fault?

Was it?

Are you sure?

I’m sure.

I have my story and I’m sticking to it.

I looked at her lying there unconscious, blood seeping from her head, running down the kitchen unit and already creating a small but growing puddle on my new flooring.

I assessed the situation in an instant, there was no way that this would clean up with Mister Muscle. Continue reading “Wolf – Blood?”

Wolf – Red Card?

wolf

It didn’t take much, it was the smallest of small things, or so I thought at the time, but then she was gone.

Was it me?

Was my understanding so different to hers that what I perceived as trivial, she perceived as a sacking offence?

A straight red-card, sent off the field of play for ungentlemanly conduct without as much as a goodnight kiss.

I thought about it later, obviously not that night as I was drunk at the time, chatting to someone on the last train home and driving up the short journey from the station because the normal laws that apply to everyone else don’t apply to me.

What?

Does that offend you?

Do you think I’m some sort of arrogant psycho? Continue reading “Wolf – Red Card?”

Wolf – Consent?

wolf

As I said, I didn’t mean to kill her.

I didn’t know her, there was no malice, I was only defending myself.

Okay, maybe I did defend myself more than I should have, but it wasn’t meant to happen.

She kept hitting me for fucks sake. What was I meant to do?

As I told the other officer, we had only met that night although we had been chatting on the phone for a few weeks.

No sex wasn’t mentioned, not on the phone and it wasn’t even mentioned in the pub, but to be fair, there was some implicit undertones when I asked her if she wanted to come back to mine.

Yes I was surprised when she said yes. Quite taken aback to be honest. We’d had a few kisses and then a bit of a snog, but I didn’t think she’d come back to mine never mind spend the night. Continue reading “Wolf – Consent?”

Wolf – Unintentional?

I didn’t mean to kill her.

Honestly I didn’t mean it at the time and I didn’t have any plans to do so before we met or at any point over our short time together.

I had only met Katy that night for heavens sake. I barely knew her, why would I want to kill her?

Yes I wanted to fuck her, she’s an attractive woman. But this was a first date. I didn’t even have sex on my mind never mind murder.

We had been speaking for ages before we met. Getting to know each other.

Chatting on the phone most nights until we fell asleep. Chatting most mornings while she lay in bed and I was on my commute.

I think that was over a period of about three weeks since our first online hello on match.com to our first date

No there wasn’t any sex talk. I’m not like that. I think if you’re looking for a relationship rather than a fuck then sex talk is inappropriate before you meet.

Not that I’m against it. I like sex talk and mutual masturbation while you can’t be together.

But most decent women would probably be offended and run a mile if you asked them if they liked it up the ass before you’d even bought them dinner.

Why did it take so long to meet? Continue reading “Wolf – Unintentional?”