Both Sides Maybe? …. #Poetry #Humour

Saturday morning and I’m up before the Monday to Friday 630am alarm.

Love the new painting Another Married Man by Jack Vettriano.

I met him once, he smiled and called me a “dirty bastard!”

Takes one to know one! 🙂

Truth be told, I think we both just appreciate the female form.

Question – What would Donald Trump say about that ladies derrière?

I’d have to agree with him.

https://www.jackvettriano.com/shop/another-married-man/

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Work Stories – Razzle Dazzle! 

Give them the ol’ razzle dazzle ..Razzle dazzle them!

So .. I’m sitting here at this humongously wealthy, largest communications company in the whole wide world, certainly the UK with its 27million customer base.

You know the one.

It’s a bright sunny day in this part of Central Scotland, even although there was traffic chaos and a two hour journey getting here today from Glasgow due to the heavy overnight snowfall.

Not that the snowfall was actually that heavy, it’s just that the authorities and commuters of this tuppence-ha’penny little part of the world aren’t prepared for it.

It begs the question .. How do Sweden, Finland, Iceland manage function successfully with months of snowfall?

Anyway, where I’m sitting, at a desk near the foyer on the top floor which is lit up by the low sunshine emanating from the rooftop windows on the floor above. For some reason the building owners took the blinds down last November.      

It’s quite pleasant for me. But the two people sitting opposite can’t see for the sun shining directly in their eyes.

Fantastic .. trying to get some work done .. but too dazzled to see your screen.

Solution .. old cardboard boxes and cornflake boxes cellotaped strategically to the back of their monitors in an attempt to block the offending light.

Don’t you love that .. 

The biggest and the smallest company  all in the one go!

Video taken from the movie Chicago, one of my favourite musical featuring Richard Gere.  

A bit mixed on the tune,   but he’s decidedly better at singing than Pierce Brosman in Mamma Mia. 

Get Into The Groove? #Humour

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This was my first time and I wanted it to be perfect in every detail.

Or at least as perfect as it can be when you have absolutely zero experience.

The build up seemed to last forever, I’d had lots of time on my own to imagine how it would feel.

How I would feel?

Would I embarrass myself, lose my confidence, do something stupid which leaves a damaged mind-set forever.

Of course I was going to be nervous, it was only natural and fully expected.

What wasn’t expected as we faced each other waiting to begin, was my complete memory blank.

All that practice on my own imagining this moment and my mind was empty.

Even worse, when I plucked up the courage to look you in the eye,  you returned my gaze,  waiting in anticipation of my next move.

No pressure then! 🙂

I gently but firmly placing my fingers where they are supposed to be, but their shaking and I’m terrified in case I get this badly wrong. Continue reading “Get Into The Groove? #Humour”

Shadow Memories?


Shadow Memories?

How can I capture your beauty and energy in a photograph. 
It’s a flat, lifeless, 2d representation of your 3D perfection.

There’s no twinkle in your eyes 

No spring in your step. 

No magic when you sing or dance. 

Its merely a shadow of who you are. 

But I hold it and think of you. 

Because your shadow is the only part of you that remains. 

That and my memories. 

Boak!! 🙂

Who writes shit like that? 

Actually,  it was sent to me by a girl I used to know after the relationship ended. 

I’d already deleted her texts, emails, Facebook posts and blocked her. 

Then I receive that by text from her other number. 

We had only had 2 dates FFS!  🙂

Bet she sends that to everyone!

Nutter!

The Sweeter The Tune?

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She was a babe in her day
But that day isn’t today
Or even yesterday
Not even 10 years ago
When she was 40

She’s a cougar
A slinky sexy cat on heat
Who looks at me
Like I’m fresh meat
She smiles her perfect smile
But I was only joking
Looking for some fun

She touches my arm
As she tells me of
All the things she likes
That I like too

Then licks her lips as I reply
Holding my eye
I wonder what else
She’d like to hold
Later
Maybe?

Continue reading “The Sweeter The Tune?”

Train Stories – Talking Italian?

I’m sitting on the train this morning,   two Italian guys get on and sit behind me.

How did I know they were Italian?

Cos they just looked Italian,  a couple of good looking tall tanned handsome dudes .. stylishly dressed with no sign of the Mafiosa suits.

They are in mid-conversation and I can’t help but hear one guy telling the other ..

“First Emma comes … then I come .. then 2 asses come together ..then I come again .. then the 2 asses come again ..then I come again .. then pee twice then I come again”

I wasn’t the only one with a bemused face listening in.

Then the other guy says

“So thats how you spell Mississippi?”


 

Good old Chic Murray jokes .. made me smile!