Wolf – The Last Goodbye?

It wasn’t the first time she’d said goodbye.

Maybe it won’t be her last.

Maybe?

Over the past 15 years the relationship was ..On .. Off .. On .. Offffffffff .. On .. Off .. On and now finally Off .. or so it seems.

She wasn’t happy that I wasn’t paying her enough attention.

How dare I have the audacity to have a life that doesn’t revolve around her!

Like Galileo or even Copernicus, I was found guilty for highlighting what now seems obvious.

Continue reading “Wolf – The Last Goodbye?”

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Please Just Fuck Off!

It’s the half night

The half light

I’m wide awake

When I should be sound

 

She’s been texting

Her anxiety increasing

With my lack of response

But I was asleep to be fair

 

She wants me

She misses me

She wants me to fuck her

To do anything I want

 

She asks

Do I miss her?

Do I not love her?

Why don’t I love her?

 

All that angst and anxiety

While I was in the land of nod

Dreaming about nothing at all

And certainly not her

 

Continue reading “Please Just Fuck Off!”

So what’s wrong with me?

3am and the world is dark

Everywhere except the blue-white light from my phone.

Fell asleep on the sofa .. again.

There was a message from her waiting when I woke up.

Asking if I was awake and wanted to talk.

I wasn’t and I didn’t.

She says that she misses me.

I miss her too, but not enough.

Not enough to make the effort, invite her over, spend the night wrapped in her arms.

Or legs. Continue reading “So what’s wrong with me?”

The First To Say Good-Bye?

 

The First To Say Good-Bye?

Well she actually said,  “Fuck Off”   .. delightful I’m sure!   🙂

It’s not that I haven’t said the same thing to her before,  because I have,  even although I didn’t mean it.

It was more a “Seriously?”  than a “Get out of here”.

Where as hers was more a ” Get out of here asap and never come back”  🙂

But the big difference is,  somewhere inside,  this time I knew she meant it.

This time I thought,  you really are pissed off with me.

What is it that I do to make piss her off so much?

How can I simply be out with friends and family enjoying the day,  then get a rattling angry text from her.

Truth is,  I was enjoying spending time with my closest brother before he goes through a major operation,  enjoying the football,   the sunshine and his last few days of freedom before going under the knife with life changing results and I don’t even want to think about the worst case scenario.

So we got caught up,  I hadn’t contacted her until 8:30,  but it was only 8:30 for fucks sake,  hardly the end of the night.

Yeah,  maybe I should have contacted her earlier to finalise arrangements,  let her plan ahead,   I get that,  but it takes 2 to tango,  does it not?

So what next?

Let it go?

Apologise?

Look for some middle-ground between eating humble pie and maintaining a huff.

You know I miss her,  she knows I miss her,   I know that she’s hurting,   probably waiting on a call  ..  or maybe not.

Here’s the truth,   good-bye isn’t always a one-sided decision and fuck off isn’t always the end.

We’ve came this far and its a lot to throw away for trivial reasons.


 

Anyway,   my closest brother is genuinely under the knife today,    they found a 4cm long tumour in one of his kidneys and are removing the kidney completely.

Only this time last week, we met for a curry and some beers before going to see Bryan Ferry at The Royal concert Hall in Glasgow.     He’d only just heard the bad news.

He’s a different kind of character to me,  he’s  more “get it done” where I’d be worried sick.

But you’ve really got to love the NHS for taking care of business so quickly.

So it might not be perfect,  budgets are limited,  but when you need it,  it’s there.

Last night,  I went over to see him ..  strange thing ..  I don’t see him every week,    we aren’t in constant contact,    but he’s my oldest friend,  a close confidante,  I just can’t imagine him not being around.

Right now,   waiting on the news from the hospital,  it’s a strange situation,  a pregnant pause,  when life is out of your hands,  big things are happening and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about them.

I’m not really religious,  but I will admit to having said a silent prayer.

I never ever want to say goodbye.

Dating Dilemma? The need for positive affirmation.

Imagine, your dating for a month and have an amazing time and then you are invited into his/her home and you find this.

What would you do? 🙂


I came across the above dilemma on Facebook, two of my aunties and a few female cousins had commented.

I scanned the comments, most were from women, with a mix from :-

1 – They have mental issues, help them by calling social services.

2 – They have mild mental issues and can’t manage a household. Help them by tidying the place up.

3 – They may or may not have a mental health issues but they have a chaotic lifestyle, leave and end relationship.

4 – They have mental issues, potentially dangerous, run away.

Clearly whoever it is, may or may not have mental heath issues, But they do have lifestyle issues.

The fact that they function normally in public but have a chaotic home life is an indication of much deeper issues, clearly lazy, unable to manage their time and you bet a bad financial history.

Would you get your kitchen gloves on?

Really? That’s not going to help the deeper issues going on here.

Besides, you’ve known them a month, So why would you even considering spending time with such a loser?

Perspective people. Sometimes you need to recognise that people are their own worst enemies and it’s not your problem.

But why do people feel the need to comment on Facebook?

Is it something missing in themselves that they need to give an opinion?

That they need that opinion to be ratified by the number of likes they receive?

Did their comment change anything?

No it doesn’t, it’s a completely pointless waste of fucking time.

Personally I’d go with option 3.

Oh shit, I’ve given a pointless opinion.

Wolf – Once?

wolf

 

I hadn’t heard from her in over a year, since that last mad Friday before Christmas when Glasgow goes nuts for the day.

Just like everywhere else.

The city centre is full of drunken works party nights, fights erupting because the alcohol has lowered the inhibitions and given the pent up frustrations a voice, or a fist.

Guys making complete arses of themselves trying to get off with that office girl they fancy, who isn’t really interested, but he’s hoping to catch her in a weak moment.

Worse .. the office girl giving it to the lecherous and probably married boss, then regretting it the next morning after she wakes up alone to find that he’s disappeared back to the wife at 3am.

She called me drunkenly at 1am asking me to join her and her friends at some club in town.

She swore down the phone that she loved me, despite that fact that she was 6 months pregnant with her and her husband’s fourth child. Continue reading “Wolf – Once?”

Wolf – Last Christmas?

wolf

Of course I miss you, it would be stupid to think that I didn’t.

A couple of years together thrown away a puff of anger, hurt feelings and faux outrage.

Faux?

Because we are both proud people and although we were both in the wrong, our pride doesn’t allow us to apologise and climb down from our moral high ground very easily.

I know that I upset you, you know that you upset me, but is worth throwing away a bright future for the sake of some relatively petty issues?

Probably not.

So why are we allowing this to continue to fester and the distance between us to grow?

I’ve already said sorry. I don’t think I can do anything more.

How many apologies does it take? Continue reading “Wolf – Last Christmas?”