I Hate Cyclists!

Cyclists

I hate cyclists.

No really,  I absolutely hate them.

Now you know that if you’ve read any of my gibbering’s that I don’t tend to hate people and it’s not a word that I used very often.

But cyclists?

They are a torn face bunch of moany bastards and always complaining about X, Y or Z.

Their latest offering is because of the number of cyclist killed on the roads because car drivers or passengers have opened their doors.

In the few cases that I’ve heard discussed,  notably on Radio 2,  it’s not the door opening that kills the driver,   it’s the collision with the door causing the cyclist to fall into the path of another vehicle which then causes the fatal injury.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41219977

Now that’s obviously it’s a tragic accident. Continue reading “I Hate Cyclists!”

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Supply, Demand, Fear And Loathing in the UK Software Industry

Fear And Loathing

John and I have worked together a few times over the years.

The first time was back in 1998 during the halcyon days of deregulation when the government was throwing money at the utility companies in an attempt to open the energy and telecom markets and make buying electricity, gas or telephone services more competitive.

That was the party-line anyway but the real reason was in making money for the people who already had the money to invest, i.e. the Tory Party demographic and the banks, pension companies and institutes which could make huge profits buying the UK infrastructure at bottom-dollar prices and their share prices doubling over night.

As individuals working in software development, there was lots of money to be made on that gravy train and even although John and I were comparative bottom-feeders, we still made a relative fortune on obscene hourly rates, but that’s supply and demand for you.

Deadlines were tight, the date at which the market was set to open was fixed in stone and our employer Scottish Power was desperate to be one of the first PES’s with its foot in the door and it’s grubby little hands in your wallet.

Of course the reason that deadlines were tight was because the early days of analysis and design had been undertaken by some of the major consultancies of the time, IBM,. Logica, Cap Gemini and they were too busy lining their own pockets with the freely available money directed from the public purse to actually give a t0ss about getting the job done.

They talked a good game, as they always do, the project managers and analysts were the kind of guys who were good at drawing boxes to represent systems or data sources and then drawing the lines between them to represent processes and data flows.

You know the type, all talk, all confidence and delivered nothing.

I hear on the grape-vine that these guys are still out there now, 20 years later working in banking and the privatisation of Scottish Water, the latest gravy train to come along offering free money to those who talk a good game.

It’s not really strange to find that these guys all know each other, a cabal of frauds masquerading as leaders when all they are good at is leading any unsuspecting PLC up the proverbial garden path.

Of course by that time, budgets have been agreed and half spent, lots of documents have been produced with diagrams of boxes and lines but not a lot of actual detail and no infrastructure or software architecture which will implement the new business requirements.

That’s when they call us bottom-feeders in, the mercenaries who drift from contract to contract getting the work done on a decent daily rate extending the contract as long as we can to keep the dosh rolling in as long as possible or until someone else makes us a better offer.

1998 and Scottish Power went live with half-@rsed systems that didn’t work, that had been badly designed and sparsely data-populated.

Let me elaborate, some @rsehole who will remain nameless had been so focused on the data flows to communicate customer comings and goings with other market participants that he had completely missed any changes to the customer service screen to deal with the new data flows and the changes.

Another @rsehole in charge of data population decided that half the customers weren’t in scope for initial population. So on day-1 when these customers decided to get their electricity elsewhere, their data content fell down the cracks between the systems never to be seen again.

Yeah, of course it caused a stushie, there were customer complaints, OFGEN were involved, but the consultancies didn’t care, the @rseholes didn’t care and the bottom-feeders like John and I aren’t weren’t paid enough to care.

If the truth be told, what John and I did, with most of the development team was party hard on the money we earned on the gravy train that seemed that it was never going to end.

Every time our contract was renewed there was another £200 per week thrown on the deal, a sweetener to keep us motived and interested, sticking with the project to get it over the finish line even although we knew that it was fecked. We were paid to fix the bad software, write the missing parts and cleanse the data, all of which should have been complete before the system went live.

Here’s a unobvious truth, a software developer will earn more money from a bad project than a good one and I can assure that we made a fortune.

There were quite a few marriages ended in that period. But that’s another story for another day.

That was then, this is now.

But back to John, he’s a good guy for a hun. ( Rangers Supporter )

Continue reading “Supply, Demand, Fear And Loathing in the UK Software Industry”

The Rebels Have Won … The #SPFL Is Dead. 


The SPFL premiership started a few weeks ago and Celtic are already on top on goal difference from St Johnstone and Aberdeen. 

In the same period, our closest perceived rivals Rangers have lost more points than they have won gaining a poor 4 from 9. 

Last weekend with last nights Champions League match pending,  Celtic played a largely second string set of players and still comfortably overcame Kilmarnock by two goals. 

Does anyone doubt that this Celtic juggernaut will continue?

The bookmakers certainly don’t and have reduced their odds on Celtic winning the league accordingly with best odds dropping from 1/8 on to 1/33 on.    In percentage terms,  a poor 12.5% return has now dropped to meagre 3.33% return and not worth the money. 

Essentially,  the bookmakers are saying that it’s all over already. 

What is worth noting in the numbers that Aberdeen are now second favourites,  with Rangers best return increasing to 25/1 from 20/1 before the league started. 

To put things in perspective,   I’m a Celtic fan,  I love my club for more than football,  it’s not about 22 men chasing a ball round a park,  it’s bigger than that.  

It’s about rivalry,   about historic repression, being the underdog, standing up to bigotry and not letting the establishment club or its supporters regard us as second class citizens. 

Football is just the medium in which that message is expressed.    
And bhoy have we expressed it. 

Celtic are better run, better managed, more financially astute and generate much more revenue than any other team in Scotland. 

But let’s not be arrogant,  it’s not our way.    20 years ago that arrogance eminated from the other side of Glasgow.   They thought they were untouchable,  they spoke of floating pitches, world class hotels and casino complexes. 

It was all moonbeams. 

They reality was that they refused to pay their social taxes and look where they are now,  in a box in a liquidators office going through the process of stripping the last flesh from their rotting carcass. 
It’s quite sad really. 

Even worse is that the new entity which purchased those assets are a shadow of the former club. 

My Rangers supporting friends don’t care about administration, liquidation, assets etc.   They just want to put their fingers in their ears and support the team in blue that plays out of Ibrox.   

I get that,  they want the joy,  they pay their season ticket and support their team.  

But they don’t  want to think about finances, management or governance.  That’s someone else’s responsibility. 

That attitude is why their club was liquidated and why they are in their current predicament. 

Meanwhile,  I miss them,  I don’t miss their songs of hatred,  but I miss a genuine rivalry.   I miss the banter with my mates and the excitement of playing our closest rivals knowing that we could lose. 

Actually I don’t miss them,  it’s the genuine challenge that I miss. 

Sport is meant to be competitive and winning the SPFL without it is pretty dull and not good for Celtic or the other clubs who are more restricted financially. 

Do I have a solution?

Not really,   Celtic is a big club in a small pond but we can only play what’s in front of us.   

The EPL would provide a challenge but they don’t want us. 

The Champions League provides our only real challenge and we look like plucky minnows compared with other giant clubs with huge tv revenues. 

Thankfully we made the group stages again this year,  generating an additional £35 million in revenue and increasing the gulf between Celtic and the other Scottish clubs. 

That gulf is only going to keep getting bigger and the following thought occurred to me. 

Back in March 1994 when Fergus McCann, John Keane and others saved the club from being foreclosed by the Bank Of Scotland,  Brian Dempsey famously stood on the steps at Celtic Park and proclaimed that “The Rebels had won”. 
The rebels have won,  but at what cost when you’ve outgrown all other clubs and killed the SPFL as a competition. 

For Celtic and for the good of Scottish Football we need to find a different challenge. 
Original Stats 

https://dancingbhoy.wordpress.com/2017/08/03/more-free-money-celticfc/

Current betting

Flashbacks Of A Fool?

I would do anything for you
I would climb mountains
I would swim all the oceans blue

I would plant roses at your door
Reveal my secrets
More than enough for me to share

Nah you’re alright Bryan,  I’m just having a good time and enjoying life.

Secrets are for keeping and should never be told.

Well unless you have a blog and can write about them anonymously.

So how’s your weekend looking?

Should I tell you about mine?

As it happens,  two of my favourite bands are playing Glasgow this weekend.

Roxy Music and David Bowie,  my favourite artists as a boy growing up in the mid-70s grey slums of Glasgow.

These guys provided images of glamour and decadence to the unrequited lust of my youth.

The clip above asks … how could you choose between Bryan Ferry and David Bowie?

Personally Ud choose Bowie any day of the week.    But maybe she meant in a fldifferent context.  

Of course this weekend bands are both tribute acts,    they aren’t the same as the real thing,  but both are pretty good,  particularly the Bowie tribute and if you close your eyes or have just enough drink to let your mind wander,  you can imagine being in a club in the 70s listening to these guys raw and passionate before they got famous.

Or is that just another flashback of a fool?

Have fun!

More free money? #CelticFC


It’s almost time for the Scottish Premier Football League to kickoff for season 2017/18. 

This Saturday last seasons league winner flag will be unfurled and currently managerless Hearts will visit Celtic Park for their regular hiding.     

Or will they?

Is there any foregone conclusion to be made when 22 grown men don shorts and chase a ball around a football field in what passes as sport in this little corner of the globe?

Let’s keep it in perspective.   Anything can happen in an individual game,  the plucky challengers might get lucky.     But winning the league is a marathon not a sprint and class and more importantly budget counts. 

Take a look at the numbers above which give a clear indication that the bookmakers are backing Celtic to win the league at a canter with odds ranging from 1/8 against to 1/20 against.  Which to us non gamblers means a return between 5-12.5% dependent upon which institution you let borrow your money. 

Compare and contrast with the nearest challengers and predicted runners-up Rangers,  aka Sevco,  with returns of 700-1200%. 

Basically the bookies are saying that it’s a foregone conclusion. 

But here’s a few interesting observations. 

Rangers were not Celtics closest challengers last season they finished third and an extremely poor 39 points equivalent to 13 wins behind Celtic.   The nearest rivals were in fact Aberdeen who finished a pish-poor 30 points behind Celtic. 

So why do the bookies seem determined that Rangers are Celtucs closest challengers?

Is it because Sevco strengthened their team?

What with a cowboy manager and a bunch of unknown journeymen and the addition of headline signing Bruno Alves who at 37 is well past his best.    

Is that it?    Is that the best they can come up with?

Reminder – the bookies aren’t often wrong and perhaps this “strengthening” will allow Sevco to claim second place but they will only ever be runners-up. 

Would you like more evidence in support of that conclusion?

This time last year,  I had a looks at oddschecker.com where the bookmakers had Celtic at 1/3 on to win the league and The Rangers at 7/2. 

https://dancingbhoy.wordpress.com/2016/08/01/money-in-the-bank/

So, despite our closest rivals strengthening and Celtic not adding any headline players, which I think they should in preparation for the Champions League campaign. The bookmakers have cut the odds on Celtic to win the league by a two thirds and increased the odds of Sevco by an equivalent amount. 

It’s a foregone conclusion.  A certainty if you believe the bookies. 

But would you bet on it?

At best odds of 1/8 against returns 12.5%.   A £1000 stake returns a meagre £125,   

Personally I wouldn’t be bothered with earning £125 over a year.    But a  A £10,000 stake returns a healthier £1250.   

It’s a risk like any bet.     But still better than money in the bank which is earns nothing and in real world terms is deteriorating. 

Not as good as last years return of 33%,  which for my “investment” of £10,000 returned enough for me and my grown up kids to look forward to our free holiday in a few weeks time. 

Cheers Bet365. 

Alone Not Lonely?


Funny how sometimes the more things change,  the more they stay the same. 

It’s past 2am here,  I’m wired and can’t sleep,  no particular reason,  no stress or worries. 

Do you ever get that?

I’ve had a fairly shit week,  stomach bug and time off work.  

Complaining about time off work?  

Jeez .. must be bad!    🙂

Today I’m back to normal,    Whatever that is?  

I had the guys over for band practice, a few new songs,  well new to us,  but all oldies of course. 

Here’s the thing,  the boys went home at 11,  we had a good night and we’re full of the joys,  but two of them were full of apologies about never taking a turn at their house. 

“It’s the wife you see” … and so it goes on .. blah blah fucking blah!

Not that I mind,  it’s much easier for them to cart a guitar here than me pack the keyboard etc and get it to theirs.    

I’m not even complaining about providing free beer and pizza. 
( for the PC among you  .. they only get one beer if their driving  .. and fuck off with that zero tolerance shit )

What I don’t get is as none of them have young kids and we don’t wreck the joint like some wannabe rock n roll band throwing the new telly out the living room window. 

Then why would their missus complain?

It’s only fair that we should all take turns dont you think?  

Personnally,  I don’t think I could handle being in a relationship were my partner didn’t like my friends coming over,  even if we do make a bit of noise for a while. 

Ever heard a bunch of women get together?     I rest my case!

But maybe that’s why I’m single?

Probably not the only reason .. and that cuts both ways to be fair! 

2:45am and I’m wired to the moon,  I’m not sleeping tonight. 

Right now John and Tommy will be cuddled into the soft warm derrière of Gillian or Diane. 

Now maybe that’s why the guys come here ..  to keep the peace!  🙂

Anyhoo .. I’m alone but not lonely,  how could I be?

Okay maybe just a tad! 

It’s a big house and its a bit too quiet .. apart from that eerie scratching noise!   🙂

But I was browsing my previous blogs and came across these from over 4 years ago. 

The more things change!

Maybe it could make you sad if you dwell on it. 

Here’s the rub.  .. it’s a choice. 

But on balance think I’d much rather have a fat-bottomed girl to snuggle in the darkness 

 https://dancingbhoy.wordpress.com/2012/09/18/alone-but-not-lonely-most-of-the-time/

https://dancingbhoy.wordpress.com/2015/03/13/its-the-loneliness-thats-the-killer-humour/
——-

Addendum – Just in case you’ve read this and you do feel lonely. 

Please keep in mind that it’s transient, a temporary state of mind and it will pass. 

But help yourself,     if you’re unhappy with some aspect of your life then change it. 

I appreciate that takes time,  but you own it.    You can make it happen. 

Stay beautiful.