Work Stories – The Hills Have Pies?


The fat family.

Two men and a woman,  all mid-50’s,  white hair,  podgy faces and bodies.

They moved up to my area recently,   currently seated directly facing me two banks of desks away.

I don’t know anything about these people, I’m sure they are lovely, intelligent,  hard-working,  all that good stuff.

But here’s what I noticed .. they all look exactly the same .. like some sort of clones who have been fed a strict diet of McDonalds.

Face,  body,  hair  … All very similar.


Absolutely no idea .. apart from the fact that they talk non-stop and are constantly stuffing their already fat faces.

Do you think that they are good people are bad people?

Get real for fucks sakes!

How can you possibly make such a decision on so little information?

Of course they are good people,  holding down a job,  earning a living for their families.

Even if it is just the one family!    🙂

But don’t confuse being fat or old or grey with being incapable.

That would only say more about you than them.


Work Stories – Cairo?


So … I’m in the small kitchen area, leaning with my back against the work-top waiting on the kettle to boil.

It’s my second last day at this Bank in Glasgow city centre that currently pays for my time.

Well actually, the banks pays the consultancy that I’m working through and they pay me.

Everybody takes a cut, everybody makes a buck.

Only the customer pays somehow or other, the cost of the project is hidden away in their operating costs as a regulatory change.

And we can’t miss out on regulatory changes can we?
So .. as I was sayin’ ..    Continue reading “Work Stories – Cairo?”

Losing your marbles?



Getting old is awful, watching the people that you love lose their mental or physical faculties and suffer has to be one of the hardest things to take, the only exception that I can think of is the death of a child.

I was over at my wee dads last night, 81 years young and sharp as a tack, but he suffers paralysis on one-side due the stroke he had 10 years ago.

It doesn’t stop him tho,  he’s at his bowling club most days organising things.

He’s got this never-give-up attitude like a lot of people from his generation,  who have faced much more hardship than we our children ever will.

I love and find him inspirational.

I consider myself lucky that he’s still with us, particularly as over the past few days a friend has lost their dad and another family member is badly losing their physical faculties whilst still all there mentally.

It brings our own mortality closer to home and I can empathise as my mum had went through a similar experience before she passed away a few years ago.

Either case is awful for the people left behind.

God knows that no-one wants to be that person sitting in a chair by the window defecating yourself unable to walk to the loo or clean yourself up.

It’s degrading for the individual involved, they lose their dignity and its awful for the people who love them as they don’t deserve to see their parent or loved one in that state.

In that situation, of course you love them, you do what you can, even although you both feel embarrassed by the situation.

Getting old, your body failing is a horrible situation.

You’re mind failing is worse, when you are no longer you and you can’t remember your loved ones.

Mind or Body failing .. which would you choose?

Continue reading “Losing your marbles?”

Work Stories – And he’s only tiny … ?

Is it the look in your eyes?
Or is it this dancing juice?
Hey baby
I think I want to marry you?

So its 8:55am and I come bounding up the stairs at work,   headphones on,  iphone in random and Bruno Marrs blasting in my ears.

Thats the kinda cheery upbeat song that I love listening to in the morning .. or any time of day for that matter.

Anyways,  I bounce up the psuedo-corridor between the already fully occupied banks of desks either side of me .. most people arrive well before me .. some as early as 7am .. what’s that all about?

But I don’t work for the bank,   I’m through a consultancy company and working 9-5 .. what a way to make a livin’.

The way I see it is if you’re only paying me 9-5,   then thats the only hours I’m turning up .. and only fools or the badly manipulated work extra hours for the man giving up their precious and valuable time for no extra payment.

Here’s the deal .. time= money  .. you want my time .. you give me money.


As I bounce up the office,  smile on my face,  headphones still blasting,   I’m sure a few people can hear the bass as I get the occasional look … and depending on the look I either smile back at another kindred soul  .. or  .. a closed mouth smile and hope it’s pissing you off that I arrive later than you and leave before you too .. sucker!

Just before I arrive at my desk I press pause on the headphones.  I get a nod from Robb the ex-paratrooper .. the kinda guy you just know would beat the shit out of you …  now retrained in management reporting .. theres a jump as big as mine from Shipbulding to IT and Banking.

Robb and I are kindred spirits,   neither of us really give a feck,   it’s an easy means to the most rewarding end and he sits with his headphones on all day listening to dance music .. I like him.

Robb asks .. so what are you listening to today? .. as he does most days.

Bruno Marrs .. I reply expecting a slagging for being such a girl.

( Not that there is anything wrong with being a girl! )

But Robb just nods his head in complicit agreement.

At this point Scott,   the senior manager,  grey,  late 50s,   bright and charming but very old school..  and the guy who signs my paychecks comes over and says …

Bruno Marrs … He does some good tunes .. but he’s only tiny.

Really Scott?

Does being tiny make you any less talented?

To be fair,   I’m sure Scott never meant any offense,  he’s not that kinda guy and one of the softest guys I know .. he’s just old-school … but it stuck out like catching a splinter on a bannister that makes you alch.


Talking Fast, Thinking Slow!

He sits directly across from me at my bank of 6 desks.

He looks the part,  always dressed sharply, fashionable hair and fuzz.

But my God,  does he talk one load of shit.

Not only does he talk shit,  but he does it at the top of his voice.

I’m sure that his patter and fast talking impresses the young girls,  but not this “old” dude ..  the guy is all talk .. he opens his mouth before engaging his brain .. talking fast,  but thinking slow.

He never ever thinks things through,  always jumps to the obvious conclusion and never considers the wider implication that changing one thing may have on another.

Listening to him most days gives me a headache, dealing with him is painful.

The guy that sits beside him isn’t much better.

Both of them in their late-20s think they know it all,  couple of wide-boys that either start or finish each sentence with “man”.

Call me old-fashioned but their bad diction and lack of vocabulary is an indication of insufficient education and abilities both in and out the work-place.

There is the proof that having a university degree does not make you clever.

Its been a while since I’ve wrote a blog entry,  at least two weeks,  the system I’ve been been brought in to get up and working is now fully operational.

The guys sitting across from me are part of the team who were working on it for over almost two years before I started.

When I started the project was over a year late and 5m over budget at 20% complete.

Now that its live,  the team I’m working within are moving to a support model rather than development.

There’s going to be job losses … . 2 from 12.

Guess who?



Work Stories – Conforming?

An Interesting article in the news today about the young woman whoi was sent home from work because she wore her flat shoes rather than high heels?

As an ex-I -want-to-be-a-punk-but-my-mammy-widnae-let-me .. I’m all for non-conformance in most things,  particularly in clothing.

Who gives a fuck what you wear as long as you get the job done?

Obviously .. health and safety could be an issue if you’re working ina dangerous job,  but to sit around an office?

Why do people conform to what the bosses expect? Continue reading “Work Stories – Conforming?”

Work Stories – Seasonally Affected?

When are they going to make Seasonally Affected Disorder an official disability?

It’s cold dark and horrible out there and I can barely get up never mind pretend that I want to go work.

I’m sure that I’m not alone!

Getting up and ready, figuring out what to wear, ironing a shirt at the last minute,  trudging down to the train station then standing packed in like cattle to the slaughterhouse.

It’s just not right forcing people to get up before its light then home when it’s dark.

Particularly when their bodies are screaming Noooooo!!!

I want some sunshine!!

At least the sun is coming up over Glasgow and I can see it from the window of my padded cell!

Two pics above.. Glasgow and Canada taken this morning.   Glasgow cold but bright,   Canada colder at -10 and snow all around.

Could be worse eh?