This is me at work!! … #humour #cadbury

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Sleeping On the Sofa Too!

A friend of.mine tells the story of being out late one Friday night dancing and drinking.

She came home slightly worse for wear, pulled on her nightie and made tea and toast and then fell asleep on the sofa watching TV.

The nagging ring of the doorbell woke her from her slumber at 9am the next morning.

“Who the feck is that?” She thought and rolled over thinking it would be the postie or a neighbour.

But the visitor was insistent and the rings became longer.

At that she dragged herself up from the sofa, staggered over to the door and peeped through the spy hole.

Then she remembered ..

She’d arranged for BT to fit a couple of new phone points in her bedroom and hall.

So she runs her hands down herself, to straighten up her nightie and opens the door.

Well … The guy is gorgeous!

Tall dark and handsome and straight off a diet coke advert.

Nothing like the talent she had been spotting in Glasgow on the Friday night

They exchange hellos and she tells him where she wants the new phone points,  the guys seems friendly,  but keeps giving her funny looks.

She thinks that he’s interested and keeps the chat going, offering to make him tea etc.

The guy is polite and chatty but the looks he’s giving her are getting stranger.

At this point, she goes into the bathroom to straighten herself up

Then she notices the big bit of jammy toast stuck to her head! 🙂

Almost 11am and just arrived in Edinburgh. Train broke down and a particularly nasty encounter with a little poison dwarf.

But will save that for tomorrow.

A Warning To Ladies Of A Certain Age … @DonnalouStevens

Would you believe that yesterday’s blog was one of my most popular?

It’s very unusual when the number of hits for a particular page exceeds the hits for the main page.

It seems that there were a lot of internet searches for Donnalou’s uplifting feminine anthem.

So in fairness to the lady herself and not trying to steal her glory, here’s a link into her site

http://olderladiessong.com/

Keeping with the Ladies Of A Certain Age theme, a friend sent me this by email, I’ve had a look on the internet and it’s been around a few years but I can’t find the original source .. So apologies to the author.

It made me laugh! 🙂

A Warning To Ladies Of A Certain Age …

You’ve heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?

Well my thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years go.

I went to sleep and woke up with someone else’s thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I’d have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts..

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was doing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary, my body was being replaced one section at a time.

What the heck? What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! I figured it out!!!

Those ‘plastic’ surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something ‘Lifted’, look again – was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to real women everywhere, every night.

These same thieves come to my wardrobe and shrink my clothes! How do they do it????

WARN YOUR FRIENDS !!!

P.S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Thought this was too important not to pass on.

My Favourite Joke!

Two guys are sitting in a bar having a chat, its one of their turns to go and get the beers in so the first guy goes up to the bar.

Unfortunately there is a bit of a queue.

However, the barmaid is gorgeous and she has one button too many undone at the front of her blouse and is showing some fantastic cleavage.

All of the guys are watching her, no-one is saying a word, but their heads are following her every move.

Eventually its the first guys turn to be served, he asks the barmaid ..

“Can I have two pints of lager and a packet iof tits please?”

There’s a hilarious guffaws around him, the guy is mortified and the bar-maid is also embarrassed, but like the professional she is, she gets the drinks in.

When the drinks arrive, the bar-maid tells him that will be 7 pounds.

The guy apologies profusely, gives her a tenner and tells her to keep the change.

When he returns to his table, his mate asks him what all the fuss was about?

So he tells him what happened.

His mate says “That’s what you call a Freudian Slip”

“Whats a Freudian Slip?” asks the first guy.

“It’s when you mean to say something polite but you say what;s really on your mind”

“Oh” say’s the first guy “I had one of them earlier today, I was sitting at breakfast with my wife and I meant to ask her to pass the toast, but I said You’ve ruined my life you fat bitch!! ”

🙂

Love this song .. Don’t you know you’ve got your daddy’s eyes?