I Was Trimming My Pubes When … #humour

I love this clip from the Graham Norton show and not just because it has the lovely Alison Moyet singing her hit All Cried Out. 

But the audience story from the red chair which features at the end of the show and 4 minutes into this clip is hilarious. 

Johnny Vegas’s expression is priceless. 

The Platform Lovers – Savages?

Charles was showing Alistair his phone.

A photograph of Monica dressed in red,  more than a little cleavage on display.

Her red glossy lipstick in contrast with her lightly tanned skin and jet black hair.

“Niiiiccce” .. Alistair hissed a rather lame description of this particularly attractive vibrant woman as he sipped on his beer.

“Nice?   You are wrong there my friend,  She is fucking gorgeous .. I  just wouldn’t get fed up fucking the brains out of that.”

Don’t you hate how some men refer to women as “that”?

The objectification of women .. you’ve read the blurb from all the usual suppliers,  Women’s Lib,  Anti-Porn Campaigners.

Here’s the thing that they miss.
Continue reading “The Platform Lovers – Savages?”

A Tale Of Two Lovers? … #poetry #dating #perspective

We had the best of times
We had the worst of times
That’s the reason she’s an ex

We had lots of fun
Kissing in the sun
But some god damn awful sex

But as trivial as it starts
Soon she’s ripping love apart
The insult trickle becomes a flood
Soon she’s baying for my blood
Then I’m walking out her door
Push my foot down to the floor
Making vows not to return
Wondering will I ever learn?
Continue reading “A Tale Of Two Lovers? … #poetry #dating #perspective”

More Strong Independent Capable #Women?

I don’t know if you  noticed it but “Clare’s Law”,  the Domestic Abuse Disclosure Scheme came into operation across the whole of Scotland yesterday. 

This scheme gives a partner or third party concerned about a friend or relative,  the right to apply for disclosure of their partners suspected history of domestic abuse or violent behaviour. 
In the six months of its trial period, there were 59 applications of which 22 resulted in disclosure.    

An indication that the majority of cases have 37 from 59 have no abusive history to disclose despite having suspicions. 

That doesn’t make them abusive,  or clear them,  it just means there is nothing to report. 

Either that or the person being reported is not actually abusive but the person applying may have their own malicious reasons to apply, possibly a third party trying to put the mix in. 

Unrealistic?  I don’t think so,  the pettiness, maliciousness and self interest of people never ceases to amaze me. 

Despite that,  having been on the receiving end of domestic abuse,  I’m all for disclosure,  it can only be a good thing.    If it saves one unfortunate soul then it’s fine it’s job. 

As a guy experiencing it,  it goes unreported because what guy would report it?    

You walk away.  Simple. 

Reporting it would only seem petty and result in lies and counter claims trying to justify the unjustifiable.   

It’s easier just to walk away particularly when you are capable of standing on your own two feet and have no ongoing dependency on the abuser. 

But here’s what I’m wondering,  at which point should a person have the right to pry into someone else’s, a partners background?

Define partner?   

Such a vague term,  clearly not someone you met last week,  so should that be based on the duration of the relationship?   

Or on the level of commitment?   I wouldn’t think you’d have to be living together to have concerns.  

Personally I think that it should it be because the person suspected of previous domestic abuse has demonstrated some dubious behaviour?
But if they have demonstrated dubious behaviour,  do you really need to apply for their history?

What if the person has no history to disclose?  

Does that make their behaviour any more acceptable?

Wouldn’t it be better just to get out of the relationship at the first sign of jealousy, controlling behaviour and/or verbal or physical abuse?

Okay,  that’s the ideal,  but it doesn’t really work like that does it?  

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if you’ve been in that kind of relationship,  then the one thing you know for certain is that  you wish you’d got out earlier in the relationship as the warning signs were there. 

How many times have you seen a friend in a long term relationship were they can’t be themselves because of a controlling or jealous partner? 

You listen to their stories and you’d like them out of it,  but they don’t leave,  either through fear of the consequences, fear of being alone or because they have emotional and financial commitments with that person, children, house, mortgage, financial dependence. 

Having listened to people’s stories over the years,  women in particular will put up with some amount of crap from an abusive or controlling partner because they’ve bought into the situation,  had kids,  it’s about more than them. 

If that’s the case the person doesn’t need disclosure,  they already know. 

What they need is support from friends, family and social services. 

In the longer term, If we take it as a given that unfortunately most perpetrators of domestic abuse are men,  then what we need is strong women who will not tolerate that behaviour and avoid being in a dependent situation by having their own career and income. 

Strong, independent, capable women that’s what I like and want my girls to be. 

If they happen to have a man in their life’s then it’s because they choose them,  because they want them, not because they need them. 
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Train Stories – Booty Call?

We’ve all done them!

Well okay, they are more likely to happen if you’re single, but I know at least one couple who are married to other people and grab the chance to get together whenever the opportunity arises. 

Should I moralise?  

It’s hardly ideal, but its their life and if that’s how they deal with the inadequacies of their marriage, who am I to say?

I could write a whole new blog on that one.

As a single guy, its actually quite flattering in a way to get that. call late at night for some passion. Someone is thinking about you, wants you, needs you, even if it’s just for the human touch. A warm body in the night to make you feel alive wanted, desired. 

Inevitably it’s back to reality in the morning, separate life’s,  different responsibilities and you get on with it, until the next time. 

Hopefully within that gap there are other occasions of romance, dates and time spent together for more than s3x. 

As a single woman are you just as flattered by male attention?  

Do you feel used if that’s the only call that ever comes? That there’s nothing real inbetween?

Personally, I’ve only ever did the booty call with people that I’m already in a relationship with.   

As a dad with daughters, I just wouldn’t bring anyone home that I thought wasn’t going anywhere as it would confuse the girls and send the wrong signals on what’s acceptable. 

The women that I’ve met are the same, far too decent to involve their children with the guy they’ve started seeing just because one or the other of you are on the horn. 

Having kids definitely complicates a relationship, but the kids are permanent whereas relationships can fade. 

So you do the right thing by them but grab the occasion when you can. 

It’s respect for the kids, respect for yourself.
At 11pm last night, I’m on my Jack Jones downstairs, feeling a bit tired, reading my twitter feed and falling asleep on the sofa.

What happened next?

A booty call?

Yes, but not as you’d expect.

My daughter Laura 24 appears beside me .. “Dad is it okay if Mark comes down and stays over?”

And I’m giving her the eye … Hmmmm … “You kidding?”

“Well I’m working 12 hour shifts all weekend and I won’t see him until next week”

As a dad, what do you do?

Tell them to feck off? She’s 24 and a nurse and been seeing the guy 18 months .. Not as if she’s a baby.

“Can you not go to Mark’s?”   

“No we are always at his and I’m already ready for my bed” … It’s dark but I can see that she’s wearing her jammies and dressing gown.

And theres a pause, her big brown eyes pleading for a yes.

When I left for work at 7:30am, Marks car was still on the driveway.

Now sitting no the train, I’m wondering how things have changed, the role reversal of dad and daughter.

Maybe its time that she had her own place?
I just hope my other daughter Claire, almost 18, who has recently started dating, doesn’t get any ideas! 🙂

Currently listening to I Want Your Love by Chic,  love the way the trumpet follows the strings and never fails to make me want to dance. 

Not long until Niles and the band are at Party In The Palace

A Saviour Or Survivor? ….. #poetry #humour #relationships

He wrote …

Hi honey,
how’s it going?
I hope all is well with you

I’ve been out of touch
But did you miss me much
Is that 5 years since we’ve been thru?

So how has it been?
I hope you’re living the dream
and life’s been good to you

How’s the kids?
How’s your mum?
I’d love to hear what’s new?

All’s fine here
I never change
Still footloose and fancy free

I’m just back in town
And was feeling down
Do you ever think of me? Continue reading “A Saviour Or Survivor? ….. #poetry #humour #relationships”