Client – As a matter of interest, what will you do with my body afterwards?
Salesman – Do you really want to know?
Client – Yes and no. I’m interested but don’t want to know the gory details.
Salesman – Well after your brain is removed, you’re finished with it and there’s no need to keep it. The important thing is that the surgeons focus on the installing your brain in your new body.
Client – Yes, I appreciate that, I just wondered what you did with my old body afterwards?
Salesman – There are a couple of options, you can have it back and give it a traditional funeral or a something more elaborate.
Client – Something more elaborate?
Salesman – Legally, it’s a shell and no longer you. You can dispose of it however you wish. Some of our customers have a party and burn the cadaver on a funeral pyre, some burn it at sea Viking style and some feed it to their animals as they believe that it’s the fastest means of organic redistribution and getting their cells back into viable use.
Client – Some people are just weird!
Salesman – That may be, but it’s the clients choice. Alternatively, we can dispose of it for you?
Client – What do you do with it?
Salesman – There are a number of possibilities depending on the age of the client and how healthy their cadaver is. Think of us like a car salvage business. We remove all of the functional parts that have some residual value including the eyes, liver, kidney, heart, the other internal organs and even the blood.
Salesman – By the time you are ready for surgery we will already have found recipients for the major organs and other teams will be ready to go to work on them as soon as possible. The rest we put in the furnace.
Client – I wanted to know, but I’m sorry I asked.. You said residual value, do you make money from the disposal, is that deducted from the cost of the transfer?
Salesman – The bottom-line is that we are a commercial operation and have shareholders to please. We have a duty to maximise profit and no there is no value returned to the client. Once you’ve decided that you want us to dispose of the body, the costs and any profit obtained by dealing with it is ours.
Client – What are the next steps? With my illness, you will be aware that time is critical and I really need to make this happen sooner than later.
Salesman – We appreciate that time is often the primary concern for the majority of our clients. But we need to allow you some time to discuss this with family. Then once you’ve confirmed that you want to proceed, signed the contract and your payments have been made, we can then start on preparation. The most important part of which is assessing your suitability for installation of the interface between your Medulla Oblongata, i.e. your brain stem and the spinal cord of the donor.
Salesman – The donor will already have been assessed and have had their side of the interface prepared.
Client – And you can do this?
Salesman – You’ve seen the brochures and our successful client videos?
Client – Yes, it’s all very impressive, but tell me, where do you get the donors?
To be continued ..
The things we think of when we are bored at work! 🙂
The image above was copied from here