The First To Say Good-Bye?
Well she actually said, “Fuck Off” .. delightful I’m sure! 🙂
It’s not that I haven’t said the same thing to her before, because I have, even although I didn’t mean it.
It was more a “Seriously?” than a “Get out of here”.
Where as hers was more a ” Get out of here asap and never come back” 🙂
But the big difference is, somewhere inside, this time I knew she meant it.
This time I thought, you really are pissed off with me.
What is it that I do to make piss her off so much?
How can I simply be out with friends and family enjoying the day, then get a rattling angry text from her.
Truth is, I was enjoying spending time with my closest brother before he goes through a major operation, enjoying the football, the sunshine and his last few days of freedom before going under the knife with life changing results and I don’t even want to think about the worst case scenario.
So we got caught up, I hadn’t contacted her until 8:30, but it was only 8:30 for fucks sake, hardly the end of the night.
Yeah, maybe I should have contacted her earlier to finalise arrangements, let her plan ahead, I get that, but it takes 2 to tango, does it not?
So what next?
Let it go?
Look for some middle-ground between eating humble pie and maintaining a huff.
You know I miss her, she knows I miss her, I know that she’s hurting, probably waiting on a call .. or maybe not.
Here’s the truth, good-bye isn’t always a one-sided decision and fuck off isn’t always the end.
We’ve came this far and its a lot to throw away for trivial reasons.
Anyway, my closest brother is genuinely under the knife today, they found a 4cm long tumour in one of his kidneys and are removing the kidney completely.
Only this time last week, we met for a curry and some beers before going to see Bryan Ferry at The Royal concert Hall in Glasgow. He’d only just heard the bad news.
He’s a different kind of character to me, he’s more “get it done” where I’d be worried sick.
But you’ve really got to love the NHS for taking care of business so quickly.
So it might not be perfect, budgets are limited, but when you need it, it’s there.
Last night, I went over to see him .. strange thing .. I don’t see him every week, we aren’t in constant contact, but he’s my oldest friend, a close confidante, I just can’t imagine him not being around.
Right now, waiting on the news from the hospital, it’s a strange situation, a pregnant pause, when life is out of your hands, big things are happening and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about them.
I’m not really religious, but I will admit to having said a silent prayer.
I never ever want to say goodbye.