Wolf – Once?

wolf

 

I hadn’t heard from her in over a year, since that last mad Friday before Christmas when Glasgow goes nuts for the day.

Just like everywhere else.

The city centre is full of drunken works party nights, fights erupting because the alcohol has lowered the inhibitions and given the pent up frustrations a voice, or a fist.

Guys making complete arses of themselves trying to get off with that office girl they fancy, who isn’t really interested, but he’s hoping to catch her in a weak moment.

Worse .. the office girl giving it to the lecherous and probably married boss, then regretting it the next morning after she wakes up alone to find that he’s disappeared back to the wife at 3am.

She called me drunkenly at 1am asking me to join her and her friends at some club in town.

She swore down the phone that she loved me, despite that fact that she was 6 months pregnant with her and her husband’s fourth child.

Then she got annoyed when I laughed and told her she was drunk and I had no intention of dragging myself out in the snow to join her and her drunken mates in town,  when it was snowing and she should already be on her way home.

What would have happened?

Driving her and her friends home? .. I’m no free taxi service.

A drunken snog parked round the corner from her house? What’s the point in that?

A drunken shag down some country lane? .. Ditto but look on the bright side  .. at least she wouldn’t get pregnant.

It wouldn’t be right.

She’s a lovely girl, I really like her, maybe it’s her vulnerability that makes me want to protect her, maybe it’s that we used to fuck for Scotland, even although that seems like a lifetime ago.

She would have done anything for me back then.

She did do anything for me back then.

And all for the cost of a little tenderness and to make her feel wanted.

It’s self doubt you see, she was a capable woman on the outside, but internally she was damaged goods after an ex who had assaulted her and had messed around all through her first marriage.

She just wanted to be loved and wanted.

Well that and to have a brood of kids as her body clock kept reminding her .. and me.3

Unfortunately, I was just a tourist.

I liked her, but I didn’t like her enough to sign up to that.

I did the right thing and cut all ties, told her she would be better off finding someone who could give her what she wants.

Is that tough?

Tough love?

Actually I’m telling lies, what really happened was I did what most guys do in that situation and stopped returning her calls until eventually she gets the message,

Then she met Graham, if that’s his name. I can’t really remember.

Six years later and they have three kids and one on the way.

I was happy for her.

I mean it.

I was genuinely happy for her and not just because I had some sort of lucky escape.

She had what she wanted. A steady guy who dotes on her and three beautiful babies to love.

She’s 18 years younger than me, tall, good-looking and shapely.

If truth be told, I was pretty amazed when she came and chatted me up in a bar in Glasgow.

Even with three kids, she’s still good looking and shapely.

I still would.

But I sure as hell wasn’t dragging my cosy ass into Glasgow at 1am, when the streets are full of drunken revellers falling around in the snow and desperate for a taxi.

She was on the phone again 30 minutes later asking me if I was on my way.

Then an hour later, drunk in a taxi for her 20 minute journey home asking why I wasn’t interested in her and why we hadn’t made it.

It just wasn’t good timing for us, I told her and I was only half lying.

Truth is, I was newly divorced and had my own teenage kids to look after back then,   I didn’t need another full-on relationship.

I didn’t want to jump out of the pot into the fire.

I just wanted a bit of romance and fun with someone that I really liked who liked me too and for a while that was worked until she wanted more than I could give.

We kept in touch over the years, became friends on Facebook, even although I had her in the acquaintance group so that she got limited updates.

I’m sure she liked to post updates of her and the her new hubby and kids, all loved up and happy families.

I was happy for them, but glad it wasn’t me.

Now, out of the blue, another year later, she’s just messaged me, wanting to meet and talk.

What’s her reasons?

Maybe I’m stupid, but I can’t work them out.

I’m more logical, she’s more emotionally orientated and I can’t see why she would want to meet with me when last week she was posting happy pics with her husband and four kids at the Christmas tree.

Should I meet her?

Even for a chat?

Neutral territory in a public place?

What if it led to something more physical?

Would I?

You already know the answer to that.

The only down-side is that she’d want more and I’m still not willing to give.

You see, I like her too much to do anything which upsets her happy family life.

So it has to be a no.

Or maybe just the once.

 


 

And so we are back to the grind .. another year beckons .. I’m kinda looking forward to it.

 

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