Q – So why did you and the band split up Robbie?
A – Well .. I don’t know … musical differences I guess.
He was hardly going to say that he’s a bit of an arrogant selfish prick, tired of playing second fiddle to the more talented Gary and wanting more attention.
You could swap those names for Liam / Noel or even John / Paul.
But is it arrogant or selfish to want to move on to different things, to leave the old behind and try a new challenge?
If you’ve ever felt bored or unappreciated in a job or a relationship and wanted to move on because what you have isn’t working and you feel that you’d be more appreciated elsewhere, does that make you a bad person?
Of course it doesn’t.
The problem occurs because when you leave people behind they can feel hurt or let down in whatever context you’ve split.
How many times have you seen friends or family in a relationship that’s broken or stale and it goes on like that for a while because they care about what they had and have a lot of time invested in each other. But eventually something has to give.
The reason they are disappointed, hurt or let down is because your decision to change your circumstances has a material impact on them.
Even if the relationship was sour, the fact that you’ve taken control of your life, means that they’ve lost control or influence on you and they have change forced upon them
In my experience, that is where the resentment occurs in most breakups.
Do you know what makes it worse? And I mean by a factor of a gazillion.
When not only have you decided to leave your current situation, but you’ve already lined up your next one.
Whether that’s finding a new lover, a new job or a different band, introducing a third party is deceitful and increases the resentment.
It’s not exactly the same changing band or job, we tend to get new work lined up before we leave the old one, but there’s still a resentment. More so in a relationship when the person left behind is suddenly not only on their own but has to deal with being second choice.
But it’s 5am and I digress … 🙂
Last year, me and my mates played our first live gig to a crowd of 200 for a local charity. It was nerve-wracking and exciting and such a buzz.
I wrote about it here …
Afterwards I wanted to do it again.
But that’s almost a year ago and despite still getting together for jam sessions a few times per month and adding new songs to our repertoire. We haven’t really moved on. In fact we are stagnating.
Take last weeks practice for example, Three guys on guitar and me on keyboard and they are still playing the same chords instead of breaking it down to different pieces of rhythm, melody and harmony.
That was Thursday.
Saturday morning and I started to look elsewhere.
I see it as a fundamental right to change anything in my life that isn’t going as expected.
It’s the same fir you. If you aren’t happy. Don’t hesitate. Change.
Now I have an audition lined up for a semi-pro band. This is jumping up a level, it’s a new challenge but will help me grow.
But here’s the thing …
Do I tell the boys about it on Thursday night before the audition in Friday or do I do the audition then only tell them if I’m successful.
Nah. Not really.
Could be awkward, but mates should wish each other well.
Maybe they’ll even help me practice the six songs I need to have prepared.
Can’t really imagine the same thing happening in a relationship.
“Hi honey, I’ve been in contact with this other woman and I’m hoping to start a new relationship with her. I still love you but can you help me get ready for our first date on Friday night?”
“Eh, No you can fuck right off and don’t come back!”
So I need to learn 6 songs from their setlist of 20 by Friday. Only 2 of which I’ve played before.
No pressure then
Making that leap, taking a chance and putting yourself right out thereto be judged on you and your abilities alone is both scary and exciting.
I’m totally up for it.
6am on the sofa, been wide awake since 4.
Some crap football team are coming to play The Famous Glasgow Celtic today in the UEFA Champions League.
Paris St Germaine …. have you heard of them?
Me neither! 🙂
Mon the hoops!