She had never intended to become his mistress.
That’s not what she signed up for when she met him online back in 2012.
Single he said.
Available he said.
Divorced, grown-up kids, fit, intelligent and oh so interested in her.
He plied her with messages, funny, witty lines, building rapport and making her feel good.
She smiled and laughed out loud, enjoying the attention and flattery, completely unaware that his wife was lying sleeping upstairs.
How would she know?
How would you know?
When a practised player plays you so well?
That’s the mistake most women make online when dealing with players. The obvious liars, cheats and chancers are easy to spot, either playing the field sitting online but not replying as they have 10 conversations on the go, or ghosting away because the wife is around or coming on too strong too soon and upping the ante to a sexual banter within a few messages to see if you are interested if that’s what you’re looking for.
But most women aren’t looking for a few messages and a quick fuck. They’re experienced enough to know that they can get that anywhere.
Shit, even the ugliest woman in the world can head into town on a Saturday night and some dirty bastard will give her a pity fuck.
Eventually even the dumbest damaged mother of low-esteem and breasts like spaniels ears realises that they are wasting their time, not fixing their esteem issue and only making it worse and need a different approach.
That’s the advantage of online dating, you have the opportunity to pre-vet the players, weed them out before you’ve invested too much time and effort.
But that’s only the obvious ones.
The real players don’t use smutty comments, they know it chases the women they are interested in away. They don’t want a woman who has been burned and is already damaged. They want someone who is maybe out of a long relationship and is still naïve enough that they will take him at face value without questioning too much.
Of course, the real players also have a back-story which is well rehearsed and they’ve already prepared the answer to the questions that a potential lover may ask them.
What’s your surname?
Where do you live?
How long have you been single?
The first two are easy, some quick research on the internet and you can pick up the name and address of someone in your age bracket who is on the electoral roll and lives in your area if you’ve already indicated where you live.
It’s enough to provide and answer the two obvious preliminary questions to any woman who has half a concern about her personal safety and might google her potential suitor on the internet.
On the face of it, that’s a clever option, but just because the guy appears online with the same age and similar location doesn’t mean he’s the same guy.
As for the third question .. make it up .. make a guess ..it’s all charade, it’s not about who you are, it’s about who you want to be, or who the woman wants you to be to accept your advances.
It doesn’t matter, it’s just part of the game.
It’s transient, as the song says, players only love you when their playing.
That answered her initial concerns, that allowed the games to start, the honeymoon period of dinner dates and weekends away came and went with and she fell for his charms and was hoping for a bright future.
But as time passed and the relationship moved on, she began to wonder why they always went to her place and never his.
18 months passed and it was one excuse after another, lie upon lie. She couldn’t come to his because his son was living there or his daughter even although they were both in their late 20s and he claimed to have been divorced for 10 years and they weren’t exactly children.
18 months and she hadn’t met any of his friends.
In 18 months no-one doesn’t have an empty at some point, no genuinely single person doesn’t want to bring his lover into his world and show her around or even show her off to his friends.
She had confronted him on a number of occasions and he palmed her off with one excuse or another.
She doubted herself, she wasn’t a stupid woman, why had she put up with his barely credible lies for so long.
Eventually she refused to let off until he answered her questions. He wriggled and wriggled but she persisted until he desisted with his fraud.
Yes fraud – wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain.
That’s what it amounts to, even if there is no monetary advantage, its deceitful, disgraceful and shameful.
He told her that he was still living with his wife, sharing a house, sharing a bed but there was no sex.
But when she pushed him he admitted that the separation process hadn’t started and the house wasn’t up for sale.
She asked if he had told his wife about her and he admitted that he hadn’t.
He had lied to her, lied to his wife, he was living a double life, having his cake and eating it.
It hurt, her stomach was in a knot and she felt stabbed in the heart.
She went home alone, called her best friend on the phone then stayed awake all night crying and asking herself how she could be so stupid.
However, the real question was, what was she going to do next?