This was my first time and I wanted it to be perfect in every detail.
Or at least as perfect as it can be when you have absolutely zero experience.
The build up seemed to last forever, I’d had lots of time on my own to imagine how it would feel.
How I would feel?
Would I embarrass myself, lose my confidence, do something stupid which leaves a damaged mind-set forever.
Of course I was going to be nervous, it was only natural and fully expected.
What wasn’t expected as we faced each other waiting to begin, was my complete memory blank.
All that practice on my own imagining this moment and my mind was empty.
Even worse, when I plucked up the courage to look you in the eye, you returned my gaze, waiting in anticipation of my next move.
No pressure then! 🙂
I gently but firmly placing my fingers where they are supposed to be, but their shaking and I’m terrified in case I get this badly wrong.
We begin and I can’t look at you, except for the occasional furtive glance.
Thankfully you are smiling and nodding and I feel slightly more relaxed relieved and encouraged.
The first time was all over within minutes, the quickest minutes I’ve ever experienced in my life and I can barely remember any of it.
As we reach our crescendo, I can hear your approval and as I look up your smiling.
The second time is much more relaxed, even although this time as well as playing piano, I’m also singing lead vocal , it was easy.
I’d found my groove.
An hour passed in the blink of an eye, 🙂
Had you going there huh? 🙂
Saturday night was the first time that I’ve ever played live to an audience, a small gig to 200 ticket buying souls for a local charity.
The build up was fine, we had been practicing for months, lots of time to arrange the songs. Which I’ve found to be the biggest part of playing with a band.
On the day, set up in the afternoon at the venue, a sound check and a quick run through the set and we were still making final decisions and mistakes.
As the evening came closer, the nerves were building up.
Having did a few presentations to large numbers, I already knew that nerves were a good thing, the adrenaline pumping makes your brain sharper.
If you know your subject then presentations are a breeze, but this was different, playing live for the first time, singing live for the first time and relying on other people, still making mistakes even at the last moment.
Then the wait before the gig standing chatting with your mates, saying hello to family arriving seems to last forever.
Feeling your mouth dry, but scared to drink in case you need to pee, and no alcohol in case .. well just in case .. even although you think it might loosen you up.
I drank a pint of water in minutes .. quick pee and its time to go.
Last look round at the band members, a few nods and we are off ..
A … 1 ..
A … 2
A … 1, 2, 3, 4…..
The hour passes in absolutely no time at all .. big finish with Valerie, the original Zutons version and it s all over.
What a buzz honestly.
Probably the combination of the adrenaline, relief and having overcome that fear of failure .. the potential low seems to have made the high feel higher.
I’m super-chatty for the rest of the night, the band are all on highs, our friends, family and complete strangers are full of plaudits and it all seems a bit unreal.
As the DJ finishes the night, I’m on the floor for an hour, full of energy. Who needs drugs when you can get this high naturally?
Anyway, 2 days later and I’m still buzzing.
Is that pathetic or what?
Maybe but I don’t care .. I just want to do it all again.