It’s Friday, finishing slightly early from work at 430 and I have the bright idea to pop into a barbers near the station in town for a quick trim.
This would save me going down to my local barbers who close at noon on a Saturday and I might struggle as I’m out drinking on Friday night.
I’d passed this place a couple of times and it was always empty, probably because it’s up a side-street and looks a little dingey.
So I get in and there are two male barbers sitting chatting and no customers.
They look up from their conversation but don’t stand up.
“Can I have a trim please”
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No” but I’m thinking there’s no one here, why are you asking.
“Sorry but we only deal with appointments”
So I leave thinking .. good business model mate, turning away work when you have no customers. No wonder your shop is even dingier than it looks from the outside.
Fortunately, the train is delayed and I’m hoping to catch my regular barbers before they close at 5.
But when I got there 450, the shop was already shut.
Okay, there’s this other place along the end of the Main Street that I’ve seen, a Turkish barbers, I’ll pop along there.
I get there and it’s empty and there are two guys sitting chatting in Turkish.
I’m thinking .. Oh no not again.
“Can I have a trim please” .. Keeping my fingers crossed.
“Sure just down over there” and the guy points to what must be his chair.
He asks what he can go for me and I tell him a number 3 at the back and sides and a trim on top.
The conversation starts, usual stuff about the weekend and the weather.
He’s very attentive, focussed, although it was a bit scary when he pulls out an open razor to work on the back of my neck.
“Will I do your eyebrows, ears and nose”
And I’m thinking, not with that thing ..
But did he say nose?
By this time there are two more customers in the shop sitting waiting, the other barber had disappeared in the back for some unknown reason.
My guy is just finishing the back and sides with the trimmer and proceeds to run it over the inside of my ears which was a bit weird then a quick run over my eyebrows.
Now being a guy of a certain age, I will confess that my eyebrows grow more now than they ever did previously.
It’s a man thing, the barbers will always ask if you want them done, I do. Personally I don’t get guys with bushy eyebrows or mono-brows.
Are these blokes are trying to be unattractive?
Just after he finishes with the brows, he gets a couple of cotton buds, and puts them in wax and I’m thinking … What the fuck are you doing with those things?
Did he really say nose?
So he sticks the two cotton buds up my nostrils, the wax is hot and I’m thinking weird .. Weird and embarrassing.
But when I look in the mirror the two guys waiting aren’t pissing themselves laughing, ones looking at his phone and the others watching without expression.
The lack of derision on their faces is quite reassuring as I’m thinking this must be normal?
Just as the barber starts trimming the top of my head these two blonde chics come in with their young kids.
They sit down right behind me.
The kids are pointing and asking why that man has cotton-buds up his nose. Their mums are explaining and telling them not to point.
Got to tell you … I was fucking mortified and couldn’t get out of there soon enough!
True story and quite embarrassing.
But what was embarrassing exactly?
The process itself or it being public?
Or the presence of two attractive chics seeing me with cotton-buds stuck up my hooter?
What’s more embarrassing?
Or the more intimate waxing that gals do? Their legs akimbo while some other chic slaps on wax and removed it, whilst having a good gander at all your bits?
I’m going to stick with mine as the worst.
Because at least the gals get it done without a few strange blokes and their kids looking on.
I’m sure you ladies would agree! 🙂