Blind-Sided? …. Part 1

Ellen Barkin

Alex said to me .. She’s got all the right bits, just not in all the right places.

I looked over to see who he was talking about ..  and there she was,  tall, long legs, long strawberry-blonde hair, decent tits .. the more than a handful size that fills your mouth or smothers your face without looking like they came from a joke shop.

Her face is pretty enough in that quirky way, like Ellen Barkin in Sea Of Love .. she smiles and her mouth twists a little .. but I kinda like it.

I’m wondering what he’s talking about, I don’t see anything unattractive in this woman.

Then she walked towards the bar, and it was all wrong, as incongruous as John Wayne stepping up to order a few French Martini’s, something just didn’t fit. 

I see what you mean .. I smiled .. and we sipped our beers and moved on to the next possible target.

We were playing the top 3 game, competing to spot the top 3 attractive woman, looking around bar, checking out everything in a skirt,  all were included except the staff.

The fundamental rule being that when the staff are the best looking in the place, you’re in the wrong place.

The point of the game?

There is no point .. it’s just a bit of fun scoring kudos points if you picked out a babe that your mate hadn’t seen.

It has an additional edge when the chic spots that you’re speaking about her,  either she ignores you or she smiles and she’s wondering what you’re saying about her.

You can put that in the bank for later.

The music is pretty good in here, 30 minutes alternating sets between the DJ and the band, tends to meet most tastes covering Rhianna  to Stevie Wonder via Prince and even Robbie Williams.

It’s all danceable, all female friendly, the women dancing with hands up in the air, the younger guys flooding around them like sperm and the egg or maybe that comes later … if they get lucky.

Us older .. not old .. older .. guys are a bit more restrained / refined / experienced / cynical to make the effort dancing around women who probably aren’t interested or are only wanting to dance with their mates.

Been there, did that, don’t bother chasing it now .. its a waste of time unless you’ve got something special or their very drunk .. But who really wants to be with a drunk chic?


You need to take a good look at yourself my friend.

The games are the games, but we play fair in these parts.

Drunk girls should be sent home safely with their friends end of.

Besides drunk chics are a pain the butt,  one minute they want to dance, arms round your neck,  talking shite and smothering you in wet kisses.

But then they get emotional telling you about that “last bastard” and sobbing their eyes out,  their make up ruining you’re new shirt and the best you can do is get them a taxi.

Worse you listen to their shit figuring why you’re doing it and then suddenly they puke all over the place including someone’s else’s stuff and you need to apologise for someone that you’ve known for less than an hour.

Fuck that.

Alex and I, get another beer and watch as the games continue.

You can see it now .. the good looking males approaching the good looking females and immediately getting a response.

The mating ritual that’s global, regardless of race, gender or even species.

The majority of ordinary guys put on their best moves and get that subtle look of rejection as she glances at them then turns back to her friends ignoring their efforts.

Thanks doll maybe later.

It takes a bit of a thick skin to suffer that rejection and keep going.

The really sad dudes just dance with their mates .. or maybe they’re the smarter ones .. what do you think?

Alex and I are standing at a high consul table near the bar, a prime position to survey the room and refresh our drinks.

A couple of old bulls watching the younger women, looking for someone who might be interested,  it’s all about timing,  precision,  no point wasting effort on someone who wouldn’t be interested.

We’ve been that guy.

Besides, you know the story about the young bull and the old bull and the difference that experience makes?

Of course you do ..

The two of them standing up at the top of the meadow when the farmer lets a herd of young cows in through the bottom gate.

The young bull says .. Lets run down there and fuck a couple of those young cows.

The old bull replies .. Naaah .. lets walk down there and fuck them all.

For Alex and I it’s about conservation of energy, we’ll use it when we need to, not dancing round with some young babes who won’t be interested.

Besides, experience has taught us that we are more likely to score a hit by chatting at the bar, than shaking our ass on the dance floor,  intelligence, humour and experience  rather than physical effort is a winning strategy for guys of a certain age.

But at the end of the day .. we all need to dance .. cos that’s what we are here for isn’t it?

That’s when she blind-sided me ..

I was chatting with Alex on my left.  He’s is looking past me so I turn to my right to see what’s caught his attention and there she was.

Would you dance with me? .. asked Ellen Barkin.




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