5am Jealousy

5am and I’ve woke up thinking about her. 

The house is silent,  the world is silent apart from the occasional hoot from the owls that live in the woodland behind. 

Pesky little bastards!

I wonder what she’s doing now,  if she’s lying awake thinking about me?

In my minds eye,  I can picture her.  Shes naked,  the sheet pulled tight around her,  her long dark hair splayed across the pillow. 

Of course she’s not thinking of me. 

She’s sleeping like normal people do at this time of day?   Or night?

My sensible side tells me to get back to sleep and I really try,  but it’s not that easy is it and my mind wanders to other times, other beds. 

Good love that I fucked up. 

Bad love that fucked me up. 

I doubt anyone is thinking of me, people have their own lives, they move on.

I’m glad that I’ve moved on too. 

But there’s a gap, a longing, an unfulfilled ache. 

I think of family,  of friends,  of people who are with their loved ones,  who know who they want to be with,  maybe it’s not perfect,  but it’s perfect enough for them. 

I think about all the “fun” I have, music, concerts, holidays and it is fun but I know what I’d rather have. 

I miss the simple things,  the shared smile, hugs, knowing where you’re going to be and who you’re going to be with,  that it’s not just tonight but always .. It gives a certainty,  a purpose,  the ability to plan ahead and know were you will be. 

5am and I’m jealous. 

If you have what I miss,  don’t let it go. 

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