The moment that i came through the door of the restaurant, I knew that it was him.
He was mid conversation and side-on to my viewpoint, but he hadn’t changed at all in the two years since I’d last seen him.
Two years since our short lived relationship ended, it probably only lasted six months in total and we only got together once per week at most, but it was great while it lasted.
Incredible to think that it was two years since I’d spent a night of fun and frolics at his, making love, laughing and chatting half the night. But then for some reason, that I can’t explain, our circumstances, both of us having busy life’s, it just never happened again.
There was no big fall-out, no arguments or tears, our emails and calls just dried up and stopped apart from the odd email every few months, then there would be some communication back and forth but there never seemed to be the desire to see each other again.
Even although two years puts a lot of water under the bridge, It was fairly predictable that our paths would cross sooner or later.
We both enjoyed the same music, the same bars, it was a matter of when not if.
When it happened, a Sunday afternoon in May, the location was somewhere we had went together frequently, The Oak Tree Inn at Balmaha was a particular favourite after a walk in the Loch Lomond area.
From first glance, I could tell that this was his new girlfriend and his daughter from the pictures that I’ve seen of her over the years.
They were looking at the menu and sharing a joke, it was obvious that they are close. I doubt that this is the first time that his daughter has met his new girlfriend.
How did I feel?
What do you think?
Some mixed emotions as you’d expect, but maybe not for the same reasons as you think.
Although it was two years since we had last met, we were still in occasional contact and only as recent as a month ago when he was telling me that his mum had been taken into hospital.
Why didn’t he mention his new girlfriend then?
Of course he had a new girlfriend, thats completely understandable.
We are both too good to be on our own and two years is a long time not to have met someone else.
So why was I feeling upset?
Particularly when he could see that I’m also with someone?
Robert, tall dark handsome, intelligent, independent, genuinely single and a doctor at the local hospital, what’s not to like?
Nothing really, Robert’s a nice guy, no doubt about it, but there’s something missing.
Call it what you will, a spark, chemistry, lust.
Whatever it was, it just wasn’t happening, even although all the potential was there.
It was our third date, he picked me up at home and we went hiking up Ben Lomond, sitting chatting in the sun as we overlooked the loch below us, one of the most romantic places on the planet and he didn’t even make a pass.
Maybe he was shy or wasn’t interested. But i was already thinking that this relationship was doomed and that was before we walked into the pub and there he was, looking into the eyes of another girl and smiling.
Was i jealous?
Not at all, we had both moved on, part of me was pleased for him, that he had found someone and seemed happy.
What had annoyed me wasn’t that he had a new girlfriend and hadn’t mentioned her when he had the chance, but that he had already introduced her to his daughter.
Why did she get to meet his daughter when in the six months that we had been seeing each other, I hadn’t, even although our daughters are the same ages and I’m sure they would have got on with each other.
I’ve thought about it a few times since that day 8 years ago, not that I think of it often, but sometimes you can’t help but revisit periods in your life and wonder if things could have worked out differently.
Sometimes I’d wonder how things worked out for him, our emails and chats died out fairly quickly after I’d went over to say hello.
It was obvious that that my asking about his mum had something to do with it.
I’d no idea how long he was seeing this girl, but it was clear from his facial expression he hadn’t explained who I was or mentioned that we were still in contact.
Did I drop him in the shit deliberately?
Not really, it was an innocent question of genuine concern, if he ended up taking some flak for that, then that was his problem.
But that was 8 years ago, life moves on.
My daughter has left school, his daughter must be the same or thereabouts.
My own circumstances have changed, i’m at home and no longer working long-haul, spent a few years at university and studied hard for my degree.
Life is good.
But sometimes, when everything is running along smoothly, life throws you a reminder of your past, making you think, what if?
Sitting in on my own at 11pm on a Saturday night, browsing the web, wondering what i’m going to do with all that spare time now that I’m no longer studying.
Last night, out with my friends, they were saying that I should get back out there and meet someone. I took their advice and joined a dating site, creating an anonymous little profile, no pictures, just enough to look and see who’s there.
Flipping through, looking at the pictures and reading the odd profile .. sometimes the very odd profile.
And there he was, smiling back at me.
Love this song, seems apt, trying to teach myself on piano.