Train Stories – Habits? #Humour #Perspective

He’s dressed very smartly,  elegantly even,  casual business style,  open neck shirt,   fitted navy blue jacket which looks as it’s part of a suit,  blue chino trousers and the ubiqitious tan brogues that are popuar with all men of a certain age and style,  lending a sense of purpose despite the otherwise casual look.

He’s sitting diagonally opposite me in the 4 person booth heading towards Edinburgh,  age 38, slim,  recently cut and styled dark hair.

If I was a girl,  I’d say he’s quite handsome.

That’s because he is quite handsome and you don’t have to be a girl to say it .. okay!!

I wonder if the young woman currently sleeping and half leaning against me would think the same?

Wid ye??

Aye,  probably, .. as long as he has nice teeth and isnae a ned.

( For those non-Scottish people,  that’s Glasgwegian for  ..

Would you have a passionate or sexual encounter with this gentleman?

Yes I would as long as he has regular dental care and speaks properly  )

I haven’t seen his teeth yet,  his head is slightly stooped and he is a bit tired looking.

Maybe a heavy weekend chaising  pavements .. who knows .. no presumptions.

He’s blissfully unaware that he has my attention,  although as you’ll soon agree,  I’m actually trying not to look .. but it’s a morbid curiousity which has drawn me to his actions.

He’s sleepy,  his head stoooped,  but his finger is half way up his nose.


He must be kind of aware of it,  as he’s doing that thing that people do when they are picking their nose but pretending their not.

i.e.  While his index finger is up to the knuckle,  he is scratching his top lip with his other fingers.

If my wee mammy was here she’d say “give me a wave when you get to the bridge”

The bridge of his nose .. as she explained when I was 5 and regularly used my sleeve for all sorts of other purposes.

I wonder if smartly-dressed-guy here uses his sleeeve too?

Nope no sign of green!

.Not that I actually looked .. fucks sake .. bad enough sitting looking at his finger sticking up his snoz.

A few minutes later .. I’m looking away but every now and then I’m drawn back to his sleeping bad habit.

He did the thing ..

You know what he did .. don’t you?

Do I really need to spell it out .. come on work with me here!

Yep he did,  swear to God this is true.

He pulled his finger out his beak and put it in his mouth.


I’m not saying that it was bogey-encrusted or anything like that .. just that he did.

I’d move seat only the train is pretty full and is now standing room only.

I look across the aisle and there’s someone else watching smartly-dressed-guy with a morbid sense of curiosity.

We meet eye for a moment,  smile knowingly,  then go back to looking at our iphones.

I remember my brothers and I picking our noses or wiping it on our sleeves.

But we were 5 and poor and we didn’t know any differently.

Seeems that with some people,  old habits die hard!


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