Can We Ever Go Back? #Relationships

Can we ever go back to a former relationship?

Can we forget what went before,  what damage was done,  the hurt and pain?

Forgive and forget?

Or forgive but don’t forget?

You’ll have heard it all of the analogies before,  once the mirror is cracked, even if you fix it,  it will always be damaged..

You’ll try and avoid the flaws,  see past them,  but you’ll know that they are there and every now and then the insecurities from what went before are waiting to ambush your thought process,  causing suspicions even if there is nothing to suspect.

You might try and shake them off,  having received promises and reassurance that it would never happen again.

But theres always a shadow,  always doubts at the back of your mind.

Having spoke to people over the years,  friends, family, my own experiences,  I understand that dilemma very well.

People put a brave face on things,  try to hide their fears,  but they are right there bubbling under the surface,  it doesn’t take much for them to rise if there is the slightest cause.

If thats the case,  the relationship is kinda fucked don’t you think?

If so,  you are better off out sooner and don’t look back.

Unless there are outside influences,  for example where a wife has been cheated on but stays in the marriage for the sake of the children and puts herself second,  hoping that everything will work out in the end,,   hoping for the best but fearing the worst.

Most people will paper over the cracks,  try to put their best foot forward,  shouldn’t their love for each other be the most important thing,  that as long as they stay together nothing else matters?

Only time will tell,  time and the behaviour of the individuals involved.

In my experience,  what people avoid is the search for the root cause,  the real underlying reasons why the transgression occurred in the first place.

Let’s imagine for a moment that your partner cheated on you.

What’s the worst?

A one off drunken shag at the office party?
A visit to a hooker on a trip away with the boys.
A long term illicit affair with someone they met at work, the pub or a dating site?

None of them are good.

But the third one has to be the worst  in my opinion,  not that any of the others are acceptable,  but because of the level of deceit involved is such that I’d wonder if I ever really knew this person.

Could you go back after that?

I couldn’t ..  none of the above  would be acceptable .. full stop.

But if I was in that situation,  I’d want to know exactly why it occurred before i even considered taking the thing forward and no lame excuses would be acceptable.

The answer to the question .. Can you ever go back?

Is yes,  but only as long as you can completely forgive and forget.

Or have nothing to forgive and forget.

Woke up with this song from Deacon Blue playing in my head,  one of my favourites of theirs ..

Great live version from 1989,  the year my son was born,  I’m in the audience somewhere.

I have found an answer,
I don’t think that you don’t care …


6 thoughts on “Can We Ever Go Back? #Relationships

  1. My personal answer is no. Once confidence is broken there is no way back. No matter if you stay together for whatever reason or you split or you get back together, things won’t simply be the same anymore. Some people can live with it, I can’t. Cheers, HC
    *listening to Stiff Little Fingers* 😉

  2. Your posts always get me thinking…sometimes things I don’t particularly want to think about haha..
    but from my own experience..and with much soul searching done at the time…(you know..was it my fault..what made him do it..should I have said ok to that stand up Star Trek figure for 2 grand!
    etc etc etc)..
    then I decided to give myself a break…

    We have probably all had opportunities..(male and female) during our married years to have a fling and definitely a one night stand here and it at work..socially..or even on a train 🙂

    So why don’t we?….It’s not because our marriage is made in heaven..(most of them are not))

    and why do they?

    The only thing I could come up with was lack of respect . for those around them..their loved ones…(apparently).. but mainly for themselves…

    They do become someone you don’t know..overnight they become sneaky deceitful liars..they have to…walking on eggshells for fear of being found out..they go to unimaginable lengths to continue for as long as they can before the shit hits the fan and the family unit is destroyed..

    In my can..should..never go back to that..and not because they may do it again..they may very well not…but because it’s impossible to get the trust back..(you’re kidding yourself if you think any differently) .and if you don’t have trust in a relationship….you have nothing

    I’m all for …if the relationship isn’t working….move on….just do it so everyone can walk away with a little bit of dignity.

    Now Dignity is a great song 🙂

    1. Hi Angie,

      thank you for that long and insightful comment. You make lots of good sense.

      Although you kind of lost me on the standup Star Trek Figure!! 🙂

      Totally agree with you that once trust has gone then you might as well forget it.

      Hope you have a great weekend ahead,


  3. I’m a great believer that you should never go back.Always move forwards and upwards.Celebrated my 55th birthday today so take advice from your elder and never go back.😜

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s