Can we ever go back to a former relationship?
Can we forget what went before, what damage was done, the hurt and pain?
Forgive and forget?
Or forgive but don’t forget?
You’ll have heard it all of the analogies before, once the mirror is cracked, even if you fix it, it will always be damaged..
You’ll try and avoid the flaws, see past them, but you’ll know that they are there and every now and then the insecurities from what went before are waiting to ambush your thought process, causing suspicions even if there is nothing to suspect.
You might try and shake them off, having received promises and reassurance that it would never happen again.
But theres always a shadow, always doubts at the back of your mind.
Having spoke to people over the years, friends, family, my own experiences, I understand that dilemma very well.
People put a brave face on things, try to hide their fears, but they are right there bubbling under the surface, it doesn’t take much for them to rise if there is the slightest cause.
If thats the case, the relationship is kinda fucked don’t you think?
If so, you are better off out sooner and don’t look back.
Unless there are outside influences, for example where a wife has been cheated on but stays in the marriage for the sake of the children and puts herself second, hoping that everything will work out in the end,, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.
Most people will paper over the cracks, try to put their best foot forward, shouldn’t their love for each other be the most important thing, that as long as they stay together nothing else matters?
Only time will tell, time and the behaviour of the individuals involved.
In my experience, what people avoid is the search for the root cause, the real underlying reasons why the transgression occurred in the first place.
Let’s imagine for a moment that your partner cheated on you.
What’s the worst?
A one off drunken shag at the office party?
A visit to a hooker on a trip away with the boys.
A long term illicit affair with someone they met at work, the pub or a dating site?
None of them are good.
But the third one has to be the worst in my opinion, not that any of the others are acceptable, but because of the level of deceit involved is such that I’d wonder if I ever really knew this person.
Could you go back after that?
I couldn’t .. none of the above would be acceptable .. full stop.
But if I was in that situation, I’d want to know exactly why it occurred before i even considered taking the thing forward and no lame excuses would be acceptable.
The answer to the question .. Can you ever go back?
Is yes, but only as long as you can completely forgive and forget.
Or have nothing to forgive and forget.
Woke up with this song from Deacon Blue playing in my head, one of my favourites of theirs ..
Great live version from 1989, the year my son was born, I’m in the audience somewhere.
I have found an answer,
I don’t think that you don’t care …