Divorce is a nasty business, I can’t really say I’ve ever heard of one that has been truly amicable.
Sometimes people put a brave face on it, maybe they were out of love anyway, it’s easier to move on without children when there’s no lasting future contact.
But with kids, its often nasty with kids being used as emotional pawns for financial blackmail .. sorry bargaining!!
I’ve been there, for most people, divorce means moving house, spending time on your own, financial worries, family issues with access to children, then at some future point all that goes with looking for a new relationship.
It’s stressful, lying awake at night, going through all the scenarios in your head, what-ifs and wondering if you could have done anything better or differently.
Dealing with the events itself is hard enough, but the uncertainty of our future creates anxiety, impacting on our health, lack of sleep, losing or gaining weight.
The good news, is that in my experience, these life events are transient.
They only last for the period it takes for the changes to occur, for the financial settlements to take place, but what takes longer to deal with is the emotional impact.
I don’t think that we ever really get over the emotional impact, that if we cared, we are scarred and it never goes away completely.
But what we can do is realise that in the event of a divorce or separation, if we put the emotional impact to the side, it’s really just a business transaction that can be dealt with without letting our hearts rule our heads and looking after ourselves and our children first and foremost.
My advice to you, if you happen to be in that situation, is if the relationship is over, sepearate the emotional and financial side and get the financial side out the way as quickly as possible. Be nice, be fair, but don’t let yourself be bullied by a partner .. now ex-partner … who is unreasonable and unwilling to compromise.
The one thing I’ve learned is that its impossible to be reasonable with someone that is unreasonable, who’s reasoning is skewed because they want to hurt you financially or use your children to effect you emotionally.
If dealing with someone like that, let it go, let the lawyers deal with it and try not to let it effect you personally.
If it comes to this stage, it’s now noly a business transaction, a process that needs to be completed, like buying a house, try to keep emotion out of it, try not to let their hostile attitude get to you.
Stay strong, don’t let it get to you.
If you let it get to you emotionally, that’s when the scarring occurs and impacts your future.
Eventually when you reach the other side, you’ll be glad its all over and happy standing on your own two feet.
The thing that matters is your future, your past has to be dealt with, boxed up and put away, the last thing you need is to be damaged by it.
Bit of a serious subject there .. Don’t know where that came from!
Hindight is a wonderful thing, If I knew back then in the dark days of 2002/3 what I know now then that period wouuld have been much less traumatic.
The good thing is, it’s transient, life moves on, you move with it or get left behind clinging to the debris of something long broken that no-one else cares about.
I’m now happily divorced .. Does that make sense?
Life is what you make it, it’s not perfect, but you make the best of it.