Train Stories – Hiya!!

Hiya …


I’m on the train …

Can you hear me?

Hi, hi … you’re there .. I’m on the train ..

I’m just arriving at Slateford …. Slateford …

Yes, I’m on the 1749 from Waverley ..

Yes ..

The reason I’m late is because I was up at Tommy’s this afternoon. …

I was up at Tommy’s this afternoon …

Yes darling, it’s not long til I see you again .. The next stops mine .. Can’t wait to see you.

All of the above spoken in the most camp effeminate voice by a small, chubby harmless little man .. Broadcasting his business to all and sundry.

There is something inherent about being on a mobile phone on the train that makes you raise your voice.

Like some comedy spoof .. I’m on the train .. With a huge old school mobile from the 80s.

The wee man was loud, but harmless.

But it was the next thing that I found unacceptable.

The 55 year old sitting opposite him drinking lager from the tin decides to intervene ..

“Tell him what you want to do with him you wee fucking poof”

That’s not what was actually said, but it’s close enough.

At this point theres silence .. No one says a word.

The wee man gets up and walks towards the door with angry man muttering something under his breathe.

I’m glad the wee mans away, it avoids the conflict. I can’t stand bullies and certainly not loud mouthed obnoxious dinosaurs like this one.

If anything more had occurred I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only person to step in.

He was chatting with some young dude for the next 10 minutes, the young guy stuck at the window listening to his drivel from homosexuality to leaving his wife for another woman to .. How he dumped that bitch .. to his collection of Johnny Cash albums.

I could see the young guy searching round for assistance, our eyes made contact for a moment to exchange a knowing glance but he was stuck between the window and a wannabe hard-man.

Fortunately for him, the young dude is getting off at Livingstone.

As he excused himself the dinosaur asks, who will I talk to now .. And looks around the carriage.

I can see him in my peripheral vision, but I ain’t going there .. No way.

Now our two adjacent 4 seat booths are empty .. I can feel his stare as I type.

He’s sitting there muttering to himself …

His life is definitely not a happy one.

Why is it that drunk guys on trains think that they can talk to you and give you their tragic monologue on life?

I’m already thinking about what I’ll say if he makes an approach .,

One word ..


In the campest voice I can muster!! 🙂

True story ..

Stop press .. The guy just said aloud … Seig Heil .. Seriously.

I wonder if that was aimed at me?

If I didn’t have such a good upbringing, I’d be tempted to go and punch him square in the face.

In fact … I am tempted to punch him square in the face.

Right lets go it’s Friday and it’s been a long week.

3 thoughts on “Train Stories – Hiya!!

  1. Ain’t Saturday night for fighting lol … But hey what am I talking about its Glasgow, every nights a fight night 😜😝😛…..

    1. You know something Kate, I love Glasgow with all its faults and failings. It’s a flawed city. But as the Commonwealth motto goes … People Make Glasgow.

      It’s a hard town and if you go looking for trouble you’ll find it .. But only if you look.

      Most people in Glasgow are too busy having a good time to be bothered with it.

      I’m sure you know that already.

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