You know that feeling you have when a relationship ends but you still love that person?
Does it change if you were the wronged party or the one doing the cheating?
Personally, I think that the wronged person gets stronger while the cheater often realises that the grass isn’t always greener and regrets what they’ve done, sometimes they can reconcile, sometimes they don’t, but the relationship can never be the same once trust has gone.
John missed Carol Ann every day, even more as time had passed and he realised that despite Aileen being pregnant, she just wasn’t the girl for him.
It wasn’t because she was pregnant with their child and was rapidly losing her figure.
Who says that pregnant woman lose their figure anyway?
If anything that made her more attractive to him, Aileen was positively blooming as her hormone levels increased, her breasts were fuller and she had that healthy glow in her cheeks that everyone seemed to notice.
So that wasn’t it.
Aileen had stopped smoking and started eating healthier and insisted that he did too.
Okay, he was glad that she had given up the cigarettes and had changed her diet, but why should he suffer too?
It wasn’t as if he couldn’t give up if he really wanted to.
But the cigarettes and diet were the least of his worries, money had been tight and it got worse when she gave up working.
Now she seemed to think that he should work every bit of overtime and also be available to her on demand.
It pissed him off that she expected him to be in two places at the same time, work all the hours available and then come home and help decorate the nursery.
Particularly as that left them both with little time and energy for the thing that he had originally been interested in her for.
When they did it was still great, she really was a fiery passionate woman, but it just wasn’t as often as he would like and they’d stop playing games and were “making love” .. he hated that term, like a throw-back to some 50s movie where people kissed like statues.
It was too much of the same old thing and he was bored with it, it was always on her terms, when she was wanting it.
No consideration of what he wanted.
But it wasn’t just the sex, it was the money.
Aileen even blamed him for signing over the marital home to Carol Ann without discussing it with her.
When Aileen had pushed him on the subject, he told her that he was only being fair to the wife he had cheated on and it didn’t really matter because it was only money and Aileen had her own place and they’d sort it out and move on.
But Aileen had been unsympathetic, telling him that life wasn’t fair and his priorities should be her and his baby.
He appreciated her point of view, but how could he sell the family home from Carol Ann when he had already broken her heart?
It now seemed to John, that despite Aileen being pregnant with their child, it had been a mistake leaving Carol Ann for her.
Carole Ann had doted on him, provided for him, looked after his every need, well most of them, the sex had become stale, too much of the same and no willingness to try anything new.
But even that seemed like heaven now as he was tired all the time, or Aileen was tired all the time.
It made him realise the reasons that he hadn’t left Carol Ann during the actual affair and why he had only viewed Aileen as a bit on the side, someone to brighten up what become boring and provide the passion that had long vacated the marriage.
John though about Carol Ann all the time, he still loved her, missed her, missed her company and just being with her.
He hadn’t intended this, or expected that a one-off repeat shag with Aileen after their relationship ended would cause this amount of internal turmoil.
It was a drunken fuck between old lovers, there was obviously still attraction on both sides, but he regretted leaving Carol Ann for her even although Aileen was now expecting their baby anytime.
But even the baby just wasn’t worth the stress of being in a relationship that he didn’t enjoy.
He’d driven past Carol Ann last Saturday night, she’d been walking to the train station as he passed and he pressed his horn. She’d looked over, but either didn’t see him or had chosen to ignore him as her face was expressionless.
She was looking fantastic, hair restyled, new outfit and obviously going out for the evening.
He wondered why she never looked like that when they were together?
He’d been thinking of Carol Ann ever since, becoming fixated with her and the relationship that they’d had.
He wondered if he contacted her, would she speak to him?
A small text to start with, nothing complicated, initiate some sort of conversation and rebuild some sort of trust.
Maybe he write her an email explaining how stupid he had been and asking if they could try again?
If he played his cards right and took it slowly, that would give him time to stay with Aileen until the pregnancy is over and then go back to Carol Ann?
Sure, it might cause some hassle with Aileen to get his access rights, but the baby was his and was worth fighting for.
Maybe, if he explained to Carol Ann that he had never stopped loving her and that he wanted to come back then she might take him back, particularly if he had access to the baby a few times per week.
After all, wasn’t that what she had always wanted?
He wrote the text after Aileen was sleeping, he stared at it and edited, then deleted it and started again.
“Hi honey, if I can still call you honey, I’m so sorry for what has happened between us, I know how stupid I’ve been, but I’ve never stopped loving you and if you let me, then I’d love to give it one more try. Can we start slowly and build some trust? Please say yes honey, I miss you so much. Love John xxx”
He read it over for the hundredth time, was he pleading too much? Being too desperate?
He wanted Carol Ann to know how much he wanted her, but he knew that if he appeared desperate then it sicken her and she’d probably tell their friends what a sad man he had become.
He pressed send and waited.
He’d give it 5 minutes before heading upstairs and cuddling into Aileen. Even although he was pregnant, she could still be really horny when it suited her.
The reply came in less than a minute.