No this isn’t the usual crap that you’ve saw a gazillion times!
You know the stuff.. How to make a good first impression, personal grooming tips, keeping in contact with a friend to make sure that you’re safe, how to flirt and make interesting conversation, how to tell if the guy is interested, how to make sure you get a second date.
Unless you’ve been living in a bubble or have no self-awareness, then you know all that obvious stuff already.
So why am I writing this?
I was speaking to a friend of mines recently, she had met a Catfish.. Someone online who wasn’t who they said they were.
i.e. A married guy pretending to be single and using online dating for a bit of fun.
That’s the third person I’ve spoken to who has been Catfished .. It’s obviously a growing trend as people mainly men realise they can go online and pretend they are someone else, get what they want to scratch their ego and disappear without a trace to the next sucker when the heat is on.
In the most recent discussion, the friend involved was out of a divorce a few years, had done the self-healing of getting their emotions and finances sorted, moved house, made sure the kids were okay and were ready to move on to pastures new.
So she meets this guy online, there was attraction between them. The guy was a clever interesting and funny.. But then of course he was .. You need to have all of these attributes to be deceptive.
The guy gave her his backstory, including the reasons why he couldn’t be contacted in the evenings or weekends.. All very credible if you are new to online dating, vulnerable and caught up in this new romance.
But with hindsight or one moment of incisive questioning you see straight through the bullshit.
Apparently he didn’t want to speak because his 20+ year old daughters live with him?!!
My own daughters are 17 and 23 and I’ve no problem speaking with them in the house.. It’s not as if need to hide anything from them, I just keep my personal life discreet.
In my opinion, t is extremely naïve to think that everyone online is exactly who they say they are.
Most people are genuine enough it’s hardly a white lie to put on their best pic, looking tanned on holiday or dressed up for a night out, it’s not deceptive as long it’s a reasonable and recent likeness.
Then there are the little grey lies .. Those that lie about their age or their body shape ..or their level of physical activity .. or income.
In my experience that is the vast majority of people, but there is a difference between accentuating the positive and projecting who they would like to be rather than who they are.
But lying about your age etc. isn’t a crime and is found out soon enough when you meet and your date is 10 years older, 20 pounds heavier, looks like they haven’t been near a gym in years or obviously doesn’t have the income they’ve said they have.
At that point on the first date .. you recognise they’ve lied on their profile and you can decide to stay or go.
Personally, I can tolerate these grey-lies, the outcome depends upon how much they’ve lied by,
A couple of years, So what? But 10 .. piss off.
A couple of extra pounds.. So what? .. But 10 .. piss off.
Gym activity .. Who really cares anyway as long as the package is good?
Income ..I don’t want anyone’s money .. Doesn’t matter to me.
What does matter to me is that people are themselves.
With that in mind and the increased amount of catfish out there, I put this following tips together for my friend when it happened to her a few years ago, but with the latest occurrence I thought I’d publish it on here.
Better to be fore-warned and avoid than ignorant and regret later.
Click the tab above or the link below for the actual tips. I’ve put them on a tab for easier reference to anyone reading the blog.
Other posts on catfishing including a BBC documentary below.
Just heard this song on Radio 2 .. seems appropriate!