How many people do you have to fuck before you feel any self worth?
Mindless meaningless sex with people that you like for a while, long enough to see them naked.
Long enough to see their faults, imperfections, vulnerabilities.
But once you have then you’ve seen enough?
You may still like that person and you may go back for a repeat visit, but only if it’s worth it and suits your timeframe.
But ask yourself?
What is it you are looking for?
What are you wanting?
An endless stream of flings and one night stands?
Is that it?
Or is that just a mechanism for soothing your ego and boosting your self esteem by stealing it from others?
Oh you hadn’t thought of it like that?
You were so fucking self obsessed playing your games of emotional manipulation that you hadn’t considered the damage you left in your wake.
That these people have treated you at face-value and opened their hearts, minds and legs to you? Then you’ve used them like a piece of meat with no consideration for how that person feels.
That they had set their hopes on you being their next big thing, that they were wanting a relationship not casual sex because they don’t need you for that, they can get that anywhere.
At the back of their minds they had allowed themselves to imagine weekends and walks together, cosy nights in, even the possibility of holidays.
Because that’s what you use, hope.
You use people’s own hopes, dreams and aspirations against them.
But it’s fake, as false as that public school accent of yours.
Then when you’ve disappeared into the horizon for no apparent reason they wonder what they did wrong?
They blame themselves, wondering if they could have done anything differently?
Then spend months trying to pull themselves back together because you’ve built their hopes up then pulled the rug from under them.
Fuck you, you lying cheating lowlife bastard.
What was it?
A grown up stamp collection?
You might have money, cars and a lifestyle Charles but inside you’re an empty heartless shell of a man and I really hope that you get what’s coming to you.
The email wasn’t signed.
Charles stared at the screen, scanning it, looking for clues to its source.
There were none, even the email address didn’t give any clues.
He clicked reply.
It didn’t matter who sent it, the rules of the game were always the same.
Fuck you!! He typed and hit send.
He sat back wondering who it could be from and what their problem was?
He never intended to do anyone any harm. It was just a bit of fun and no real harm done.
It wasn’t as if he made them sleep with him, beat them or stole from them was it?
So what difference did it make?
He logged into Plenty Of Fish, things were going nicely with Carol Ann and he wanted to arrange that first date.
Good to get back to a wee bit of writing, that was on the train to Edinburgh today.
A friend of mine told me a story of being catfished by the last guy she was seeing.
Lots of players out there .. so be careful.
Have a wee look out for my Dating Tips For Women post coming tomorrow.
None of the usual bullshit about making a first impression, more about how to avoid the players.
You might say .. it takes a fish to catch a fish.