On A Knifes Edge!

She says that she needs a little time .. that she wants to do some thinking.

Hmmmm … I think .. either you’re in or you’re out.

Besides, does she think that she’s the only one who wants to do some thinking?

“Well that’s up to you” I find myself saying “But that doesn’t really work for me”

She pauses, silence on the mobile, I’m wondering if she’s still there, it’s not like her to hang up the phone, well not unless she’s angry and that seems to happen a lot recently.

I’m looking round the half light of the room, the tv is still on from last night where I fell asleep on the sofa, but the media player timed out so a silent message is telling me that there no video being received.

Light is starting to come through the trees in the back garden and the birds are singing, it must be 4am.

The silence seems to last an interminable amount until quietly she says “two weeks, I need two weeks to get my head straight”

I’ve never been in that situation, but I’ve heard the song, you have too, you know the full situation and if you could look back from some point in the near future then you’d know that its fecked really.

The harsh reality is, although you love them, you can’t be bother playing games, you’ve already told them how you feel, let them know how important they are to you and you’ve been pandering to their insecurities, simultaneously wondering why you put yourself through this sh1t.

You’ve told your mates about the situation and they’ve asked, why the feck do you put yourself through this sh1t?

And you know that they are right, but you do, because you’re crazy about them.

That old heart and head dilemma. You’re head saying go and you’re heart saying stay.

When they are out of sync it just messes you up. Losing sleep, losing weight because you’re constantly anxious and can’t eat.

“I don’t want to be out of a relationship, so if you’re taking time, does that mean we are on or off”

The relationship hangs on a knifes edge.

“Off” she says, picking the knife up and sticking it where it hurts.

At the back of your mind Sting is telling you that if you love someone set them free,

Fuck off Sting.

Why don’t you stick to Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, or the do-do-do da-da-das?

But you know it’s gone, so you tell yourself to have some dignity, stop fighting it, you’re only prolonging the torture, trying to hang on when you should be letting go.

“That’s okay” you say adding in a petulant “But that works two ways”

The phone goes dead and she is gone.

That could have been better says a little voice in the corner of your head.

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