Do you remember when you were young?
You met a girl .. or a guy .. fancied them like mad, thought about them all the time and couldn’t wait to see them again.
When you did, you were all over each other, it was lust not love, but you didn’t know that then.. it just worked.
Maybe the relationship developed, maybe you married them or someone else .. life was good ..you were young and had your whole life ahead of you.
Then .. time passes ..
Somehow it all went tits up.
Your fault or their fault, it doesn’t matter, you can’t live the rest of your life blaming the other person.
So you move on.
You’re a certain age, maybe you have kids, maybe you don’t and you’re out there looking for another partner.
My experience .. and I’ve never articulated this before so bear with me. Is that if you’re still physically attractive then you are more likely to meet physically attractive partners.
You’ve saw them in the street, good-looking couples, or not so attractive couples, people seem to find their own level and exceptions are fairly rare.
Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction isn’t everything, there has to be more … but it’s one helluva a start and for me, if it’s not there then forget it!
But as you know, attraction is a two-way street!!
Here’s my worry .. and having spoke to various people, online, family, friends, male and female, most of us have it, even if we don’t vocalise it.
The fear of getting OLD.
The fear of getting OLD and if not ugly certainly less attractive to the people that we still find attractive.
I wrote about that fear a while ago after speaking to a female friend of mine who was feeling the weight of her age upon her
Now here is your definition of hell on earth .. getting old and ugly and being surrounded by attractive people but you can’t get any!!
Try walking down your high street today .. rate every single person you see as yes or no .. most of the yeses will be younger than you. We set our attraction age bracket to our own years + a few, so as we get older, then the better looking people are all younger .. This is the reason that so many people online lie about their age.
So what’s the future?
Ultimately, in a relationship, at some point in the future if you are together in your 80s and even if your partner is in their 70s .. physical attraction is largely ( totally!! ) gone.
If you’re lucky, you are with someone that you love for them, for the love they give you, for the shared memories, all the things that you’ve done in your life together.
But what happens between now and then ..
If you think about it, you can’t build shared memories if you aren’t actually together for any length of time, you need to be physically fit and capable to have done things together. Went on holiday, climbed mountains, danced, partied, integrated your family with theirs, maybe had a last minute baby .. that is if you are really really lucky.
As for meeting someone new ..
We all have to be realistic about our expectations, maybe realise that everyone of a certain age has imperfections just like ourselves and stop judging people on that basis.
As I mentioned earlier, there has to be more. Personality, humour, similar outlooks on life, loyalty even financial compatibility.
What I’m realising now is that as we get older, less physically perfect ( as if we ever were!! ) .. then we should stop looking for it in potential partners.
We need to learn to accept people for what and who they are and not for what we want them to be.
We also need to learn to accept ourselves for who we are now, not think of ourselves as who we were when we were 20 years old.
Yeah yeah .. that’s all good in theory .. but I’m still looking for a pretty face, a shapely body, great tits and a sexy ass!! 🙂
A wee forgotten gem from Patti Smith cowritten by Bruce Springsteen – bet you didn’t know that!!