My blog the other day about The Dilemma Of Beauty has got me a few emails including the following from a friend of mine.
If you are out there looking to meet Miss or Mister Right then you’ll know that It’s hard work and full of trap-doors and disappointments.
My experience is that it’s important to use your time and energy where your efforts will be appreciated.
Not waste this most valuable of commodities on people you aren’t interested in or who aren’t interested in you.
She said ..
Your blog the other day really irked me.
Everything these days is about appearance.
People very rarely get a second chance. first impressions are everything in this throw away society.
I dated a stunning man for a while a pilot. tall dark handsome loaded also self centred arrogant snd moody. he always expected me to drop everything for him. it ended when i realised that although I would cross an ocean for him he couldn’t jump a puddle for me.
you can be fooled by looks. a good person will never fool you. x
I Replied ..
I totally disagree with you .. everything is not about appearance.
Absolutely and definitely that is not the case.
It’s not even about first impressions.
What my blog was about is whether you find someone attractive or not .. and that might be someone beautiful or someone who is kind of plain, but you like them .. what matters is that you or I as individuals like them .. its personal choice.
For me, there has to be some sort of physical attraction .. a pretty face .. a shapely figure.
But there has to be much more than that .. humour, personality and common interests.
Re your pilot man .. just because he was good looking and arrogant doesn’t mean everyone is.
People get rejected because they don’t meet expectations or have projected a lie.
I once met a woman. We’d spoke for a while, she is undoubtedly a nice person, so I met her for a coffee.
As I got closer and could see her waiting outside the cafe, I thought .. oh no!
She had lied to me .. she had pics online that were 10 years younger and 4 stones lighter.
I didn’t fancy her .. I knew it was going nowhere the moment I saw her.
So we had coffee and a chat,, but ultimately it was going nowhere so we said cheerio.
Does that make me wrong because I didn’t fancy her?
Does it feck.
She was fat, older than she said and she had lied.
It didn’t matter that she was a “nice” person .. that attitude is for losers.
Oh but “beauty is only skin deep” … another stance promoted by lifes unfortunates.
Have you ever heard anyone even reasonably attractive come away with that nonsense?
Yes some conventionally “beautiful people” are arrogant .. but thats not what I’m looking for.
I’m not blessed with stunning good-looks, I’m just an ordinary guy, so I’ve learned to manage my expectations..
I don’t waste my time chasng “beautiful people” who wouldn’t be interested in me.
I’m looking for someone who I find beautiful, internally and externally and that includes both physical attraction and personality.
Bottom line .. the woman above didn’t meet the expectations i have for the person that I’m looking for.
She had projected something that she wasn’t, she had tried to deceive
What are you meant to say?
Oh that’s okay because you’re nice to talk to?
Why waste each others time?
On the other hand .. I’ve also met women who undoubtedly find me intelligent and entertaining but don’t find me attractive
Thats how the cookie crumbles.
Life does that, we all need to learn to deal with it.
But we need to be honest with ourselves and each other.
It seems to me, that you’re pilot friend is like the girl Karen in the dilemma I wrote the other day .. you pursued what you percieved as beauty, knowing the guy was arrogant and didn’t make the effort .. He might be a total prick but you made a rod for your own back.
My advice to you is don’t go chasing dreams that inside you know are doomed to fail .. don’t waste time with people who will drop you like a ton of bricks when something better comes along.
Find someone who likes you for who you are .. that wants to spend time with you .. and be happy.