Hello to you!
A new part of my For Lovers story … this part from the female point of view is her telling her friend about the first time he has met her kids and the reassessing the relationship and fits in between ..
Him telling his mate about meeting the boys
Him assessing the relationship and where he wants it to go
Hope you like ..
22 – Football and Families?
So how did it go then?
I had stopped in at Lynn for a coffee and a chat since I knew that Alan would have the boys at football tonight.
Their team had disgraced itself by not paying its taxes and was forced into liquidation then re-launched as a phoenix club and was now languishing somewhere in the bottom division but you couldn’t fault their fans loyalty, turning up in all weathers to show their support.
Lynn reckoned that this was male bonding at its best and it appeared to work as Alan and the boys were very close. She also thought that he used it just to get out the house for a few hours.
Particularly when he would go on those cold winters nights without the boys. A few beers with his mates and a proper sing-song without having to worry about delicate young ears. Not that they hadn’t heard it all before particularly on those drunker nights when their team had won the league which fortunately wasn’t too often.
“It went better than I expected, the boys were well behaved apart from the odd moment and we all had a good chat together.”
That was mainly true. Well it was true except that the boys had been squabbling then screaming at each other until I told them to go to their rooms.
“Did the boys like him?”
“I think Max did as they were talking about football but I don’t think David was impressed when he said that he was a Celtic fan.”
“Oh no, tell me that he’s not a Celtic fan. Alan will love that!”
“I’m sure he will, particularly as he’s a season ticket holder and he takes his son to most games. He’s even offered to take me along to a match.”
“You’re not seriously thinking about going, are you?”
“Well I used to like Celtic when I was growing up and went to a Catholic school.”
”Get out my house right now!!” She laughed but in different days that might not have been the case. People around these parts really took that deadly seriously back then in the dark days where even green traffic lights were smashed in certain parts of deepest darkest Lanarkshire.
Can you imagine how ridiculous that would be nowadays?
Lynn and Alan were brought up in the local mining community but have both moved on in life and have done fairly well for themselves.
In years gone by this community was staunchly Protestant and people from the other side of that religious divide were treated with disdain at best and hatred at worst.
Fortunately in today’s more enlightened world, someone’s religious background no longer precludes them from getting a job or a home. Well not in my world although her comments indicate that these bigoted thoughts are deep rooted and stem from behaviour learned in childhood.
”I’m definitely going now!” I laughed although I was partly serious. The idea was definitely there and I was beginning to look forward to it.
“You should take Max along with you then. Even although he’s not a fan I’m sure he would enjoy the experience.”
“Good idea Lynn. I think he would too. Even although his dad supported Falkirk and David does too I think he would enjoy himself.”
“Did everything else go well apart from that?”
”Yes, I’m sure it did apart from the boys acting up a little after dinner. I had to send Jamie to his room at one point for being bad tempered and hitting Max.”
”I wouldn’t worry about that; he’s a dad so I’m sure he has saw all that kind if childish behaviour before.” Good for you Lynn, always the voice of reason.
“Yes, he has 3 kids but his elder 2 have left home and his youngest is 6 months elder than David. So I’m sure he’s saw it all before, just not recently as his kids seem to be angels in comparison.”
”Angels? Yeah right. I’m sure they have their moments?”
“I’m sure they do too, but they are just at a different stage and the elder 2 are obviously independent and he only sees them when they need something, new tyres for their cars or help when their cash has ran out before pay day”
”Oh well, at least he’s a good dad and there for them. Lots if dads aren’t.”
Lynn made a valid point, bringing families together isn’t easy but if he didn’t care for his kids then he wouldn’t be the type of man that I’d be interested in.
“Yes he is and I’m sure he enjoyed meeting the boys. He even had a kick-about with Max.” They did seem to have good fun and Max said later that he had enjoyed having someone to play football with as the other boys are never interested in playing.
What I didn’t tell Lynn was that Jamie had been acting up after I refused to let his friend Darren stay for dinner as I wanted this to be a family only meal. He had stormed off to his room, slamming the door in a temper.
I had just done the introductions, the kids had said hello and we were sitting at the kitchen table for a cup of tea waiting on the roast to cook when Jamie through his tantrum. I was getting up to give Jamie a piece of my mind until he held my hand and quietly said “Leave it, you’ll only make things worse and cause resentment.”
Very wise I thought but noted that I’d have a quiet word with Jamie later.
It did make me wonder and later that night I asked myself what would I do if the situation was reversed? If my kids were growing up and becoming more independent, then why would I want to get involved with a widower with 3 young kids who live with him full time? Where it’s often difficult to get a baby-sitter and their free time to go out and do things together is limited because they don’t have an ex-partner to share the load.
Would I want to have a relationship like that?
If I’m honest with myself, despite the fact that we get on so well, have great fun, physical attraction, a fantastic sex life, then I don’t think it would be enough, I don’t think I’d be ready to play mum to someone else’s kids.
I wouldn’t want that, so I’m surprised that he can put up with it.
So although, I love what we have together, that we have great fun together, at the end of the day, when go back to our separate houses and don’t see each other until the following week it wouldn’t be enough for me.
I’d want someone who is more available and I can see any night of the week that we are both free.
But for now, what else can I do?
I appreciate him being there for me and will just enjoy our time together and wait and see how things develop.