Last night a really good friend of mine comes on the phone, he’s upset, very upset.
He’s breaking his heart upset and also pretty angry. He’s been up all night the night before and his mind is in turmoil.
I’d only spoke to him the day before and he was all loved up and looking to the their holiday and future together and talking about getting married again.
So whats changed?
I was happy to let him speak and not jump in and offer an opinion without getting the facts.
Well he’s been seeing this girl .. for over a year now .. they’ve had their moments but its all being going well recently and he’s a happy boy.
But the other night she was at his and she had to look on to her email on his laptop to get the booking references for the holiday they have coming up next week.
She went to sleep early and he was still kicking around and laptop was still on ..
So he did something wrong .. but lets be honest what a lot of people would do .. he read her email.
All fine .. he’s never had any doubts about her and he’s been happy.
But the he wonderd what she’d been buying .. and he searched for the word receipt in her email.
So there was all the usual stuff, shopping, ebay, paypal receipts but something stood out “Phone Detective”
Hhhhmmmm he thought .. whats that all about?
Turns out its an internet detective agency which can provide details such as reverse phone numbers, personal histories etc.
So with that in mind he took a note of the details and searched her email again this time for “Detective”
There were some emails in from Phone Detective. Which he also read.
So to cut a long story short .. It would appear that the week after they met, She had went to Krakow with her friends and met some guy.
He has no idea of what occurred, but she had a phone number and whatever happened she felt enough to go online and check it out.
As it turns out, it was a hookey number .. probably a married guy on a boys weekend looking for a bit of fun.
There were no emails to her pal discussing this person .. he then presumed that its her and she not searching on behalf of the pal unlikely as that would be.
So he closed the laptop but couldn’t sleep.
At the pomt over a year ago when this had occurred, they had only met 2 weeks beforehand, had only one drink and one dinner date and not crossed any lines.
She’d went on holiday with her friend Diane, presumably met someone, he has no idea what went on but its driving him mad.
The reason why he is so upset is because she has always told him that she is the first guy she has been with since her and her husband broke up.
But now he’s no longer sure .. his mind is playing tricks and he’s fearing the worst .. that she’s some kind of tart.
Her friend Diane already has that reputation and is pretty open about it and he is judging her by association.
He never slept all night. She gets up in the morning and is all sweetness and light, but he gives her the silent treatment and she’s upset because shes wondering whats going on.
So now he’s on the phone to me and is very upset but doesn’t know how to resolve the situation.
Should he …
A- Confornt her about it .. All guns blazing .. but that will kill them.
B – Speak to her about .. but that opens the door .. of how did you know about Krakow and his big nose.
C – Shut up about it .. its in the past .. it was a year ago and what difference does it make .. but trust will be gone.
D – Stay the hell out of her emaiil in future and mind his own business
My advice, a bit of a combination was for him to shut-up about it and think himself lucky that she’s done nothing since.
But if its eating him up that much then speak to her about it but that might open doors that he doesn’t want to open.
Trust is a very delicate thing .. delicate like a butterfly .. if you don’t treat it gently it will break.
He’s still upset but he’s having a think about it and we will have to wait to see how things will develop.
If it was your friend .. What would your advise be?