What do you get when you fall in love?
A girl with a pin to burst your bubble?
You have some great times, become close, closer, very very close.
Your families start to merge, you meet her mum, she meets your dad, your kids meet.
My daughter is now good friends with her eldest son. How bizarre is that?
In some ways it’s a good thing, it’s kind of sweet as they are both in the same year at school and both taking their intermediate 2 exams.
So they talk about their subjects which are similar and offload to each other and even study togerher .. all good so far.
But this 4 way communication channel can have its bad points too.
I speak to my daughter, she speaks to David, he speaks to his mum and she asks me why I told my daughter such and such?!
Worse than that.
Sometimes I’ve been out with my pals. Maybe unplanned, maybe later than I thought we would be, nothing underhand, just having a gab and a laugh.
Then I get a text asking “Where are you? Hope you’re having a good time.” .. usually in a jocular fashion .. but theres always that under-current .. am I being self conscious .. yes, but it would be wrong to say that it didn’t exist.
Of course what she’s really saying is “Where the fuck are you and how come you’re out and you haven’t told me!”
So how do you reply to that?
Make some lame excuse .. an attempt to justify or pacify .. or tell her to fuck off and that its none of her business?
Well let me tell you .. that last response doesn’t work .. not if you love the girl and want to keep her!
So then what?
Justify or pacify .. Fuck off .. that wouuld be pandering to someones insecurities and thats just not going to happen.
So what’s the solution?
The trick is not to go down that road in the first place.
Okay, so I made the mistake once .. out later than I thought, shouldn’t have left Claire in on her own but it was only 1am and its not that late on a friday night.
But the jungle drums have been banging and then the text comes in, she didn’t know where I was and was worried … hhhhhmmmm .. do you believe her?
I didn’t .. her nose was bothering her .. her wee devil on the shoulder was whispering in her ear .. where do you think he is? Who do you think he’s with?
Is she judging me by her standards .. or by her experience of men? Knowing now that her husband had crossed the line a few times?
So what causes that iunsecurity? Jealousy? Some moral code? … Naaah its fear.
Fear is at the basis of all things dark in our world .. well most .. fear of being hurt, selfishly doing something wrong to get in first, before it happens to you.
I understand it, but I don’t live like that. She has nothing to fear. She just needs reassurance.
So I reply “I’m in the Waverly Tea-rooms with John and Peter, we’re having a chat and a good laugh, speak soon, x”
I know its coming, I’m chatting with the boys but my ninds distracted because I’m consciously waiting on the reply .. its intrusive isn’t it?
Then it arrives “okay, I’m glad you’re having a good time, give me a call when you get in, x”
There it is .. reassured .. mainly .. but still wanting that call when I get in.
Why? Do that she knows I’m home safe in the big bad city .. I don’t think so!
Don’t get me wrong, I understand it, I know how it works .. if I was a bad person .. and I can be a bit of a wind up merchant .. then I’d make a point of not calling her, but that would be wrong .. and pointless.
Truth is, I’m still daft about her, I enjoy my time out with my pals, we’re only chatting amongst ourselves, a catch up, chat about life and football and about the women in our lives, but we’re not even looking at other women. Well maybe the odd look, but its just a look. Nothing more than that.
If it was reversed .. and it has been reversed .. how would I feel if she’s out in Glasgow or Edinburgh with her pals?
Truthful answer .. I’m actually quite secure .. I don’t think she’d cheat for a second .. I have no doubts about that.
I know that she gets a lot of attention. I know guys try to make a move on her .. but would she cheat .. never .. no doubts.
I know that she’ll call me when she’s on the way home, or maybe call me to come and pick her up, or to come to mine.
Thats more about her insecurities and trying to reasure me when theres really no need.
But in the big balance of things. .. its kind of nice not to have that worry.
So .. What do you get when you fall in love? … A girl with a pin to burst your bubble?
Naaaah .. like most thing in life .. kids .. flowers .. relationships .. you have to tend to them, take care of them and their needs if you want them to grow.
Love can be a long road, quick in usually means quick out .. its not without its ups and downs .. of course there are hurdles to jump.
But my bubble is coated in titanium and its not bursting easily.